Thursday, 25 January 2007

Look At Me (I'm Not Smiling)

It's eleven o'clock at night, and my performance is now over - I'm now back at home, exhausted and desperately needing sleep. I'm also terribly disappointed in myself, because I could have done so much better.

In the audience were my parents, my old drama teacher - not to mention my girlfriend Katie, her sister and friend. Expectation was high, and I didn't want to disappoint anybody.

Which is why, pre-show I stood outside in the freezing cold all of my own; rehearsing my lines over and over again. I've got a really deep voice at times, and I mumble a lot of what I'm saying, so it can be hard to understand me. In drama though, this is one of the most deadliest sins - and one that could make or break a career. Though I'm no longer looking to act, I still like to conform to the 'rules of drama'. And man, tonight I didn't.

Don't ask me how the audience understood what I was saying. I rushed my lines out sooooooo fast - as if I'd die if I didn't get them out fast enough. On top of that I forgot my lines, and never having been good at improvisations, my "replacement" lines were absolutely bloody appalling. I'm surprised I wasn't laughed off stage!

Saying that, the audience seemed to enjoy the nigh, and i got tonnes of "congratulations" afterwards - but they mean nothing when you're not even proud of yourself; after all, I bet the audience say that to every performer (to their face) whilst they make their real judgements inside.

Whatever, I'm sad the whole experience is over, but a little relieved too. Next week we move onto the next stage of our course, scripted drama. For that, fingers crossed, I won't make such of a massive humiliation of myself - in my own honest opinion, of course.
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