Sunday, 10 June 2007

18 Months Ago...

Today should have been mine and Katie's eighteenth month anniversary. It should have been cause for celebration, that at such a young(ish) age we've reached such a level of maturity and mutual appreciation in our lives. Hell, it was the reason I got my job at the cinema - cos I wanted to save up and earn enough money to take her out to a bit posh restaurante to celebrate our time together. Guess that's not going to happen now.

Talk about stating the bleedin obvious.

Who would ever have thought that right here, right now I'd be sat on my lonesome ago wishing I had her back in my life? Wishing that today of all days she'd spend with me? Wishing that I didn't regret so much about the choices I made in the relationship. Because we were so good together and should have made it to 50 years together, never mind 18 months.

Worst thing is she won't even take my calls, or read my texts/emails anymore. The girl is so adamant that the relationship is over. It's like every time I talk she covers her ears and shouts at the top of her ears - which is kinda annoying when I feel as though I've changed, and can offer her all those things that she wants. I'm a different man in some ways, but that doesn't seem enough.

If only she'd let me talk I just know I'd somehow get through to her. Perhaps that's the reason why she won't let me talk, because she doesn't want me to get through? She's so angry right now - angry at herself? - that nobody or nothing could possibly crack that stone skin she's created for herself. If only I could, I'd be with her again.

In the end totad wasn't a total failure. I spent some time at work, joking around with some of the staff there, and laughing myself (something I've almost forgotten how to do). When I got home I thanked somebody for doing something I never asked them to do, cos it made me smile (again!) and I couldn't help myself. Not the worst of Sundays then.

But the worst possible 18th month anniversary, I guess...
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