Monday, 12 November 2007

Anthology of Belly Laughs

Here's just a few of the funny things that have happened to me of late - proof that not all of these blog posts have to be grounded in deadly serious topics!

1: Old woman has beard shocker!
You know what it's like; us young wippersnappers give up our seats to help the aged who may not have anywhere else to sit. That's exactly what I did this morning, and let an old woman sit where I was - up to that point - sitting. It's only when I was stood that I noticed it. On her face. A full un-groomed beard... on an old lady. Naturally I kept a straight face. But not for long. Bless her and her hypnotic facial hair!

2: Paul Robinson does Torchwood
I launched a no-prize quiz on Torchwood.tv last week, 25 questions regarding series two. Readers have to speculate on the answers - but none have bettered that of Paul Robinson, who basically ripped and torn and beat apart all those Torchwood cliches. What follows is a mock scene from his own version of the series:

EXT. Himalayas.
SUV arrives. Don't ask how, it just got there mmmkay?

Gwen: Jack said he'd be here.
Owen: Are you sure the message was from Jack?
Gwen: I told you, there was a grinding noise, am inexplicable wind, considering we are about 150 feet underground from the thing that was casing it, probably, and Jack legged it with that hand in the jar. Then I got a call from him saying to meet him up the Himalayas as he was treating us all to a kfc.
Owen: I think we've been fucking had! Fuck cunt bollocks bastard shit arse .. and lots of other swearing.
Tosh: Well I didn't see the point in all of us coming anyway. I could have still been doing Avenue Q in the West End
Ianto: I know its 40 below, but I'll just take my shirt off (WHAT? I told you, a boy can dream!)
Owen: Arseholes. Lets go home.

Like I said, genius.

3: Absolute Power
The situation in Pakistan (if it weren't so serious) is utterly laughable; that one man thinks he and his close circle of political friends can control Government by bringing down the Supreme Court and the country's media is completely laughable. No free elections? Here is a man who's looking out for himself, and doesn't even consider the nation or the people he rules over.

4: Religion on strike?
The funniest WGA strike story you'll hear any time soon - protestors in Los Angeles were busy picketing about work conditions, when a local religious nut happened by. He was himself demonstrating (about God, or something...) when the writers explained to him why they were on strike. Enlightened, the guy changed his pledge, and decided to support the writers - shouting out "Moses was a writer too!". Who says religion doesn't have its benefits...?!

5: Tight Pants
Everybody at work is talking about my bum, which is kinda weird. Apparently my work pants are tight (with a capital TIGHT) which doesn't leave a lot to the imagination. I've tried to buy new, looser pants, but the problem persists. Still, I joke with everybody about it; it's better to joke about yourself, than end up an uptight sort like Ben Kingsley (sorry, Sir Ben...). Besides, I think I look rather fetching in tight cotton...

6: Free tickets
I don't get to see my dad much anymore; which is a bummer, sure, but it's not like he makes much effort to see me when I'm not around. Except now, because he's found out I get free tickets every month from the cinema. I wouldn't mind if he asked me for them, but he demands them from me. Seriously, he tells me that he wants them and he'll come to collect them later on in the week. But I'm the stubborn sort, and refuse to do something if rubbed up the wrong way - so he's getting none. Can't wait to see his face when I tell him no!

7: Ha-Ha-Hee-Hee
I've started writing the uber-secret script project that I've been blabbing on about for a good month or so, and so far so good. The opening scenes are amongst the funniest lines of dialogue I've ever written - Frank's journey is incredibly exciting and I'm honoured to be able to tackle such weighty subject matter.

8: Five meets Ten!
Yep, "Time Crash" airs this Friday - and I can't wait! David Tennant and Peter Davison together in one scene? Irresistable! Those long bus journeys to university have been spent trying to imagine what's going to be said by the two Doctors. Hands up; who can't wait?!

Things that aren't funny:
1: The fact that "Chuck and Larry" (sugar-coated homophobia) is so popular
2: Soap operas
3: Religion
4: Dolly-who-had-a-Molly has returned...
5: The fact that I can't quite grow a full beard

And many others!
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