Wednesday, 12 December 2007

Anthology of Belly Laughs II

It's that point in the month where I like to advertise just how absurd my life can be at times. Honestly, you think I'm making all this sort of stuff up; telling tall tales that excite and intrigue. But honestly, they all happened over the last month or so. My mad, mad life. Times like this, seeing how crazy it all is, I just love being me.

See No Evil...
Okay, so I've got the most abysmal eyesight ever (and that's official). It's a character trait that all my family have - dad's side, at least - and one that I've been unfortunate to inherit. It can cause some amusing mishaps though... When I was at college I'd be up in the library and think I'd see my girlfriend. So I'd go over and hug the girl, only to realise it wasn't Katie at all, but some random stranger. Yeah, I doubt Katie saw the funny side of it!

Just last week I was shopping in Manchester, ahead of the Christmas rush, and I thought I saw a girl from work, Sophie Hamer. So, being the friendly sort, I went over to say hello but... how do I put this, I had *maybe* drank a little too much coffee and was so very hyperactive, and ended up hugging the girl tight. 'Cept, like had happened at college, it wasn't who I thought it was - and the stranger girl's boyfriend (a BIG guy!) wasn't happy that I'd touched his bird.

We argued and security came on over (admittedly, a balding middle aged type) and I tried to explain my error, but by this point both boy and girl were ganging up on me! And the security guard took their side!! I was escourted out of the shop and told not to come back for the rest of the damn day.

Lesson learnt; I need glasses!

Aldi; the Wet Dream
I spend two hours on the 95 bus whenever I go to university, and it's the most depressing two hours of my life. Honestly, the bus is full of the most grumpy and lifeless and benial people you'll ever come across. They get excited by the most petty of things - here's a quick transcript of a conversation two old men had a while back:

MAN#1 - You heard the news?
MAN#2 - No. What?
MAN#1 - There's a new Aldi opening up in town.
MAN#2 - Oh eye, what's it sell?
MAN#1 - All sorts.
MAN#2 - Fruit and veg?
MAN#1 - Yep, and cerial too.
MAN#2 - Meat?
MAN#1 - I think so.
MAN#2 - Oh, excellent! I'll have to make sure I visit when it opens!
MAN#1 - The wife's going down for the opening.
MAN#2 - When's that, then?
MAN#1 - Dunno. Not to February at least.
MAN#2 - Well make sure you find out. You don't wanna miss that.
MAN#1 - Nope. That'd be the last thing we'd want!

Oh, please! Get some sort of life, and stop taking mine by boring me to death!

The Big Issue
When I went to meet my friend Paul last week, I got a little lost looking for his hotel. So I did what I thought was the clever thing, and I stopped to ask for directions. However, the only person I could find that wasn't in a mad rush towards the shops for last minute Christmas shopping was one homeless woman, selling the Big Issue.

So I plucked up the courage and asked her where I could find the MacDonald Hotel with Piccadilly. And she refused to answer; unless I bought a copy of her magazine. Being in such a rush, I had no choice but to play along and paid her a reluctant £2 for the magazine, and information - after which...

...She just smiles and points at the McDonalds food restaurante behind us.

I'm irratated by her clever clever attitude and throw the magazine back in her face. But she gets to keep my £2 change. A hobo pulled one over on me! Argh!!

Money, Money, Money!
I set out to spend as little money as possible this month - but I'm still blowing it pretty fast! But it's okay; I'm young and relatively debt free. I have a job and income every month. I can survive. Besides, I tell myself, being a writer when I buy new DVDs, it's like research isn't it?! I'm investing in my own future. *Clean conscience*

I'm making a list of all the things I've bought this month - look out for a blog post compiling my findings in the new year!

Saturday Night at the Movies
Every Saturday night, the cinema is cursed. Something always happens, and somebody always kicks off. I don't know whether or not it's because most customer that time of the night have been drinking, but they're pretty charged up when they enter the cinema. In the last month alone we've had people picking up the waste bins to throw them at the manager (alas, they dropped the bin before they had their chance...), people have had fist fights, they've collapsed from taking alcohol/drug cocktails, and the front door has fell off - almost on top of our security guard. Yikes! Who knew a cinema would be so fun... sorry, dangerous!

More belly laughs next month; unless Christmas turns out to be utterly depressing!
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