Saturday, 8 December 2007

Versions of Me

During our lifetimes, we all change in some way or another. It might be a minor change, like you suddenly don't like cheese or you look in the mirror and see a bald man staring back at you. It might not be so minor. You could wake up one day, and the next your whole life has changed forever, because of one of the 'biggies'; love, or death, or opportunity, or discovery. Human beings change every day, and it's important to recognise who we were and why we changed in order to understand who we are today, and to develop further.


Here's a rundown on who I've been, who I am, and who I'll become:

1: THE UNKNOWN ME (1989 - c. 1993)

I hate to say it, but I know very little about my immediate childhood, apart from the basics. I grew up with both my parents still married, and I played a key role as eldest child. Mum always says I was a little naughty; encouraged to be a right Royal pain in the ass by my dad, who was too busy gambling away the family income to ever truly play the role of dad.

2: THE ADVENTUROUS ME (1993 - 1996)

All the time, there I was busy playing outside with my (then) friend Daniel White. Top of the tower, I was the king of the castle and he was just a dirty rascal. We had so much fun together, exploring the world (or rather, or neighbourhood, Polefield) and doing all the things children do. It was the first time I ever felt like I was part of something; the world didn't just end with my existence. Shame it didn't last. I wonder what Daniel's up to today...?

3: THE CLEVER ME (1996 - 2000)

Coincidentally, I began to spend more time in my primary school studies during my parent's divorce, and the aftermath. I started writing for the first time and I liked the opportunity to escape into my own little world - called "imagination" - whenever I liked. It was also the first time I came to appreciate television - watching "Doctor Who" on VHS with dad, and "The X Files" (which I was too young to see) with Mum on Tuesday nights.

Throughout Primary School I became fixated on the idea of people thinking I was a very clever sorta guy, and talented too. I'd show off and pretend to do things that weren't possible. I'd lie to get a good story across. So pretty much characteristics that I'm keeping alive today!

4: THE COMIC ME (2000 - 2003)

Girls! I saw girls! Not for the first time, but in a whole new light - and I just had to have one, but couldn't quite figure out how to get with one. So I showed off, like all tweenage boys do, and took the michael out of everything - from teachers to dinner ladies, and a whole host of other subjects that I can't remember right now (I had a 'funny' Jewish routine if I remember right - clearly I'd never heard of PC or racial awareness back then!)

The older I got, the more insecure I got about myself. People said I had a funny voice, too high for a guy, so I got worried I was guy. People joked that I was crap at sports, so I worried that I wasn't much of a man. People joked that I'd never get a girlfriend, so I told myself I wouldn't. Guess it's why I can appear to beat myself up at times, because I've learnt to be accepting of my own faults, and try not to ignore them. Now, when something is wrong with me, I beat everybody else to the punchline and make a joke out of myself - that way you keep your friends, and everybody is happy. Cept you, most of the time.

5: THE ADULT ME (2003 - 2005)

And at last, I matured - and finally realised what I'd always known, that I wanted to be a script writer. I took on more responcibility than ever before, becoming Head Boy at High School and helping making the teacher's lives a hell of a lot easier. I wasn't swatting up or anything; I just came to realise how the system of power works, and one has his role to play in society. And for the first time I started playing mine.

6: THE ROMANTIC ME (2005 - EARLY 2007)

College! Girlfriend! Making films! I changed a lot during the time I spent at Holy Cross, and learnt to appreciate life in a totally new way. There were the first signs of me socialising (girlfriend excluded) and becoming a competent film maker. Hell, "April 3rd" and "Self" are both quite accomplished for a guy aged just 16 or 17.

Katie O'Donnell, my first girlfriend, loved me to pieces and I loved her back; something I'd never really done before. I thought I'd be with her forever, and was 100% commited to the girl. I'd wake up every day thinking that, since I met her, I'd had it made. We'd end up getting married and having kids and living the perfect marriage together. In all my life, this was my most optimistic stage - never have I looked at the world in such a positive way.


I'm more of a social animal than ever before, going out on staff parties and such. It's ironic then that I've never felt so alone. It's hard to move on and trust again after having your heart broken by a girl you thought you could trust absolutely. But that's life, and I'm slowly getting there, although right now I have no desire whatsoever for another girlfriend. None. At all. I'm happy being single, learning from my mistakes and continuing the journey I started at college - to become a very competent film maker, making lots and lots of exciting scripts.


It's hard to say, but I hope I remain friendly and as eccentric as I am now. Life would be boring otherwise! I can see myself working at the cinema until the end of uni, and then moving on to a full time job, writing scripts and doing all sorts. Hopefully I'll find a new "somebody" and they'll mend my heart again, and open my eyes to a whole new world, all over again.

I'd also like to do more with my life; learn another language, have kids, travel the world, help people, all that crazy stuff that we never get round to doing properly. Well, I wanna do it all. I wanna reach corners and do the crazy things in life, because that's what the journey is all about.

But the key thing about change is, you never know where it'll take you next. It's impossible to predict. For all I know something could happen tomorrow that would change plans forever. And I like that; there's no way to second guess change.

Exciting, huh?

Post a Comment