Sunday, 20 January 2008

The Big V

The thing about working in a cinema is it can often be terminally dull. Like I said a few days ago, it's the conversation that can make or a break a shift there; you just gotta make it funny, interesting, and a little insightful too. And for some reason we like to talk about sex a lot, and a hot topic at the moment is virginity.

A few girls at the cinema surprised me by telling me that they were still virgins, as did a couple of guys too (surprising, 'cos these guys go on about "the thing" pretty much all the time; it's true, if you're not getting any, it's always on the mind). Amid the conversation, I realised something rather silly, something that I've for a long time but never quite registered.

I'm not a virgin. When did that happen??

Sex is something you think about (and maybe fear a little, too) when you're younger, and people make a big deal about the "first time", but you know what? My "first time" just kinda slipped me by; perhaps it was 'cos we built up to doing the deed (think about it...) or perhaps it's because I'm not the sort of person who has sex and feels the need to climb to the top of the nearest building and shout about it. Whatever, it was never anything significant that I'd lost my virginity. Guess I just got on with my life.

But know... well, it kinda feels a little bizarre that I 'forgot' just like that. I mean, I know full well that I've had sex, quite a number of times - I just can't remember a time when I hadn't. I can't remember those pre-girlfriend times when I had no idea what it felt like, how long I'd last, what she'd think, or - honesty - pretty much what to do.

Guess I've matured a lot since then, and I'm happy to say that my first time wasn't as bad as I thought it'd be (at a guest, I'd pinpoint the day I lost the Big V to around May/June 2006) though I got better as time went on. Still, I miss those more innocent days beforehand, when I still had all those insecurities and fears. Having sex made me more confident, but it took away a little of that naivity that I quite liked.

I wouldn't go as far to say that losing my virginity made me a man, but it made me a hell of a lot more responcible. It's when I knew I loved my girlfriend for sure, and it's when I knew I was willing to commit the rest of my life to her. Shame it didn't work out, but there you go. Still, it's not the sex I choose to remember from our time together, but the love and friendship we shared together.

'Cos that's the thing; it's nothing to lose your virginity. It just means you no longer fit under one label, but on another. Sex is nothing - sure it feels good, but it's the love behind it that (for me anyroads) lasts the longest.

I'm proud to say it, I fell in love. If only the childish me knew how great that feels.

***

Back to my scripts for a second, and I've now written nine "Foreign Devils" and seven new 'episodes' of "Timespotters: Double Helix". Tomorrow I'm gonna continue writing my first "Frank's Apocalypse" script, and then... then... well, I've got something rather exciting up my sleeves. But more news on that once I've gotten everything else up to shape.

16 out of 130 completed; 114 left to go!
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