Tuesday, 9 September 2008

Noble Goodbye

I'm proud of very few things I've done in my life. Infact, I could probably name all of my proudest achievements on one hand - there's my "Self" script, to name just one example. But taking all those things into consideration, and this sounds kinda pathetic, I've still not ever felt noble or nobility about my life. Not once.

Until today.

Today I split up with my girlfriend, and it was the right thing to do. We've been together for the past five months, and it's not been going great. The first month was fantastic and we had some of the best times of our lives, but then things changed and she went away to New Zealand, a place she stayed for the next three and a bit months.

At first we messaged one another almost every day, and she rang and text me too. Then, slowly over the weeks, the messages dried up and so did the texts. Though I was still messaging her, she wasn't communicating with me at all, and that wasn't a healthy step in our relationship to say the least! She returned at the end of July, and having not talked all that often and her having been through all these wild adventures out there, I no longer recognised her.

I spent the next month trying to catch up with her and learn who she was again, but things didn't progress all that well. I tried and tried (honest I did) but Clare was just too busy leading her own life to give me and our relationship the energy and attention I/it needed. So things deteriorated further, and more than ever before, I had no idea who I was dating, or indeed, why I was dating her.

Then I went away on holiday, and the final straw! She never messaged me, not once. Not a message, or a text. Nada. And it pissed me off so badly that I blew my top, and called an "emergency meeting" between the two of us - a talk where we both came to the realisation, of something that I've known for a while now but not wanted to admit, the relationship was not working.

And here's where, at last, my nobility comes into effect. We both realised that, and didn't hate each other. Infact, the way we were talking to each other, it was like the old days again. No longer tied by the title of boyfriend or girlfriend, just friends - closer than ever before! We sat and talked, and understood what each other needed - and I realised, where Clare is right now, she can't afford to have me in her life.

She's about to start university, and these past few months I've only been bringing her down, causing upset and emotional trauma. For her sake, it's best we're not 'together' - she can go off, a single girl, and have a blast at uni, not worrying that she's forever tied to what lies back at home, or whether she's messaging me enough. We're friends now; I can support her just like always, but need not hold her back from doing what she needs to do.

So I was willing to say goodbye to her (for now) knowing that she's a stronger woman as a result. Knowing that our relationship, whilst not sexual, is better than ever. Key to any boyfriend/girlfriend 'ship is the friendship, and we've been without it for a while now. This gives us a chance to get back to the roots of what made us so special together, and rediscover the reason why I fell in love with the girl in the first place.

I'm sacrificing my girlfriend and what could have been 'there' in order to make things better, and build a very different sort of relationship with a girl I love, because if I don't then ultimately we won't have any sort of relationship, and that will break my heart, and her's too.

There we go Clare, my noble goodbye - for you, and us.
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