Saturday, 6 December 2008

What a 2Face

My step-sister Kirsty is having her 21st birthday party tonight, and she's decided it's having a fancy dress theme - which I hate because I find it hard enough going to parties wearing my own skin, nevermind that of somebody else! It also means that you're under pressure to find and possibly make your own costume, and what happens if what you wear doesn't compare to that of everybody else's? Oh, the social ridicule!

Honest, fancy dress scares me. I remember avoiding my own aunt's 50th birthday party years ago because she demanded that everybody come in costume. Filled me with dread! Came up with some crappy excuse in the end why I wasn't going - was watching Doctor Who, or something along those lines. Just couldn't face the burden of responcibilty placed upon my shoulders with the costume choice! ;)

No, but seriously I guess I've never truly fitted in anywhere and that's reflected in the caution I show to things like fancy dress. I hate people staring at me and thinking that I don't fit in. In my mind they're going to look at my costume, deem it shit or at least inferior to their's, and judge me because of it. My brain tells me that's happened all through my life, from school onwards, and it's just going to happen again.

It shouldn't bother me, because I don't care what half these people think anyway. But for some reason their judgment of me impounds greatly... perhaps because I know I don't fit in? There's a great line in my short film Self where the protagonist Horatio says:

HORATIO (V/O)
Sometimes I sit here and feel so alone, because I don’t fit in. Not at all. Not with the “conventionals”. I wanna be different, and unusual, and totally unloveable... but it comes at a cost.

That line sums me up completely. Unique & different - but at the same time understood and respected. Is that even possible?

Anyhoo, back to the party. I thought I'd reflect this double edged sword through my choice of costume for the night - the character of Two-Face from the Batman mythology (not only for that reason - The Dark Knight kicked ass, also). You can see a picture of my costume below, which I think turned out mighty fine indeedio!

"You either die a hero, or live long enough to see yourself become the villain"

So... wonder how the night's going to go? I'm not exactly known as the life and soul of a party, and it doesn't help that I feel as ill as buggery. Must be coming down with something. That, or it's the lack of sleep recently. What with essay stress, and my crazy DVD watching habits, and work. Hope I get better soon. Hell, hope tonight's a blast!

Report to follow tomorrow. Maybe. Definitely. Well, definitely maybe!
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