Tuesday, 27 October 2009

Definitions

What sort of writer am I? That's the question I ask myself every other day, in an attempt to somehow define myself - because self definition, studying one's own identity, is the first step in a much longer process: knowing who I am, what I want and how exactly I'm going to get it.

First off, that question again... what sort of writer am I? Well, let's look at me as a person before we even attempt to define me as a writer. I'm a somewhat neurotic twenty year old, who worries a little bit too much about the little things in life that might (but probably won't) go wrong. It means I'm overly serious, most of the time.

When I do try to crack a smile it's more often than not a forced joke (one I know isn't really funny, but for the sake of telling it have to pretend it is). I'm not a naturally funny person - sure, as friends might observe funny and often hilarious things happen to me, but I have no say in the matter. When I do try to be funny, it all goes horribly wrong.

This is obviously at conflict with my next point, what do I want my scripts to do? Well, really, to entertain. I want the audience to go away from my scripts having maybe laughed and cried during their viewing experience. Drama should be a rounded experience that draws upon every aspect of human life - not just the talky parts, or the action, or the comedy. Everything! Using it all really opens up a text; it creates a world that the viewer can live within, even if only for the space of two hours.

Of course, I'm not a funny guy. My scripts are wounded by this. Often the comedy written within them is about as funny as Gordon Brown making his latest Commons Speak - ergo, not funny in the slightest (creepy, more than anything!). Without the comedy, my work is often very dour and the characters downtrodden. It doesn't make for the most comfortable, or entertaining, viewing.

That's not to say I'm not a good writer. Sure I am; I can piece together stories in a logical manner, and create exciting worlds and people. But it's ot enough, you know, without the comedy. It's needed, to round things out, and as a writer I should work on my sense of humour somewhat and hope it transferes to the page.

Haha, I'm also a very lazy writer. Honest, I am. If I can delay something... boy, will I. Look at The Blaze - I'm supposed to have had episode one completed MONTHS ago now and still... nada. It's not that I don't want to have written it, or don't intend to... it's just that putting that pen to paper, or those fingers to the keyboard, well, I find it the hardest experience in the world - and so I choose to do easier things, because it sort of let's me off with the hard stuff.

I guess that means I'm not very reliable. Oh dear. I should really make more of an effort, especially this early in my maybe-career.

Anyhoo, I'm sat here writing all this, and it just struck me... I'm bored of talking about it all: what I am, what I'm not. I should really just close my eyes, countdown from ten and during it tell myself not to give a flying fork about it all. I am who I am, no escaping that.

So yeah, I'm going to stop discussing it now and go away and do some actual writing. Maybe plan some more of The Blaze...

Let that define me, cos really I just don't have the energy to over-think things in my head anymore.
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