...I heard back about the room in the warehouse, and unsurprisingly it was a no. I didn't get it.
I'd be more upset if I hadn't seen it coming, as glaringly obvious as it was.
A part of me is glad; but it's this exact part of my brain that I applied. The part that's shy, and the part that doesn't quite fit in. This was the perfect time to address that.
It's funny, thinking about it. I didn't get the room because they thought I was mind-numbingly dull (who am I to say if they're right or wrong?!).
I say it's funny, because I think about it and realise.... When did I become so normal?
At primary school ( in particular) I was the odd one out; creative in so many nutty ways. In comparison everybody was as dull as dish-water. I showed them up, even if I nor they realised it!!
But now... the tables have turned. Roles have reversed. I'm the most normal, boring person you could meet, and it's others going off, being as crazy as I use to be.
I think I 'normalled out' after my parents divorced. Suddenly things got heavy, serious and 'real'. My world came crashing down around me, and I rebuilt it like I thought I should. But there's more than a glimmer of the old me still alive. That's why I'm conscious of it, and trying desperately to battle against that mundane image I have, as do others, of me.
With regards to the room - better luck next time.
With regards to me - time I dig a little and remember lost things, and behaviours, and generally be as great as I remember being, all over again!
Right, it's morning, but I've only just finished my shift at the cinema. So it's night night for me.