Remember, remember the fifth of November: gunfire, treason and... Tohko's birthday.
Yep, the other half turned 22 today. We celebrated of course, but for me it felt a very melancholy evening. That's because of two reasons:-
1) Moving house has stressed me out. On top of that, virtually not leaving the house over the past two days has left me feeling withdrawn from the world.
2) Me and Tohko almost broke up last week, and part of the reason why happened to be because she had feelings for another guy that she kinda, maybe, might want to explore. After things calmed down she said that was never seriously a possibility, but I'm not so sure. I think she has it in her to get bored of me and to move onto 'fresh meat'.
In other words, I'm lost to how strong the relationship is. That's putting me ill at ease, and emotionally my brain is trying to keep a sace distance from Tohko, just in case the worst (the inevitable?) happens.
I still think she's a smashing girl - so very creative, and beautiful and barmy. I loved tonight with her, especially the many conversations. We plotted a film called "I Am A Vampire" whilst eating at T.G.I. Fridays Leicester Square. Then we did a mini recce for it, at midnight near her home in Harrington Hill.
At times like that, we're perfect for each other. I guess I need to loosen up and forget last week. It's history now. A new day beckons, for the two of us.
As this essay is quite "sensitive" it'll stay private and hidden for the forseeable future. If you're reading this then, enough time has passed it can't do me or Tohko any harm with this being 'out there'
Fingers crossed that's because we lived happily ever after, and not down to a break-up.