Question: When did I (always such a loner) start needing people so much?
I'll have an attempt at an answer, but first...
I spent all of today chasing the company of others. It began with me messaging my ex, and trying to repair our broken friendship. It then extended to trips to the cinema with Jack, and me trawling around London's West End cinemas to see/talk to familiar faces. It ended back at home, sat with my housemate Mafalda - watching Doctor Who together on the sofa.
This is not the same guy who, 10-15 years ago was quite happy to lock himself away from everybody else and live life in solitude.
Ok... getting back to the question:
I don't know, and can only theorise. I think it happened across a number of events. Firstly, working at Vue - that's when I started going out socially with others, and started inviting them into my personal life. Then moving to London and working with my friends at the Westfield/West End cinemas pushed that even further. Finally, my last relationship was so great and intense, I think I've got use to people being intimate in my life.
This is by no means a bad thing. I just have to be careful that I don't chase others; otherwise that looks a bit sad and desperate.
Jack told me today that he believes a fulfilling life is one that is lived surrounded by people who care about you. I responded that this is why my break-up hurt so much - as the second person forcibly cuts themselves out of my existence. I think it's true though. We all want to be loved, and cared for don't we?
Becoming more social is one thing, but it's just one step on my journey. The bigger adventure is fitting in, and finding my place amongst everybody else. Finding those people who really do care, and making sure I don't lose them from my life.
New, positive me accepts the challenge.