A Life of Cliché

The Year of the New

2012-01-02T20:57:00.003Z

Somehow 2012 seems magical. As a nation, the British have been talking about and planning these 366 days for quite some time now. The Olympics have been that looming shadow, casting itself over the UK and the days ahead. Now it's almost time, and even I have to admit to feeling a sense of exciting and nervous energy in the air.

It goes beyond the Olympics, and beyond the Queen's Diamond Jubillee. There's an optimism we're all living with; a sense that something good is coming, after years of reccession and 'the world is doomed!' type news items.

For me, 2012 marks the start of something brand new. It's no secret that it's time for me to do that work shuffle again, and move to another site in the company's fleet of many. I've worked here at Shepherds Bush for well over 12 months now. I'm feeling tired, and if I'm honest I'm looking back - and then looking forward, unsure what else I can contribute that hasn't already been contributed.

Moving on means a brand new fresh start; the biggest change in my life since October 2010.

In many ways 2011 was great - most of all because it was a period of stability. However, the danger with stability is that you spend too long 'stable' and things very quickly turn into routine - and that's nasty, because it's utterly predictable and boring. The chief reason I wanted out of Manchester in the first place was because every day/week was like every other day/week before it.

Where next? I have a fairly good idea. I've spoken to my GM and other senior managers, and have a clearer view of what comes next. I'm not saying what those options are, here, however - because as soon as they're written down they become fact, or the idea of them become boring and lifeless before I've even starting the new movement.

There's new experiences to had across 2012. My sister is pregnant (congratulations!) so the concept of me being an uncle become official, and draws nearer and nearer. You know, the baby is scary, for me too, because it sorts of sums up the need to grow up at last and find that responsibility your parents talk about when you're younger. I'm no longer a child, or of the 'new generation' - there's beings now who need my help and support, and it's time I act the adult, and grow up accordingly.

Hmm. The challenge of 2012. I'll post more about the year as I live through it...

2011: AOB

2012-01-01T02:31:00.003Z

We're about 2 and a half hours into 2012 now, and I'm back home in Manchester. Of course,it's been that long since I last wrote on this blog that I haven't actually chronicled my leaving home in the first place. Damn. To cut a long story short, there's a new exciting city, and my body morphed at the metabolic rate of, ooh, about twelve months.

It's curious that I've spent the first 150 minutes of the new year watching a couple of review shows looking back at the departed 2011. Hmm. I'm not entirely sure what to make of it. Allow me to offer a quick, but comprehensive review - except it won't be quick, nor comprehensive. Probably a bit tedious to anybody that doesn't give a rat's ass about me, or 2011, or me in 2011.

1: The Big News

I live around the corner from BBC Television Centre in Shepherds Bush, London. The place has the biggest satellite dishes you ever did see spewing from its rooftop - so it's a cruel twist then that I don't have any TV signal on my tellybox.

A consequence of this is I often fall behind, or miss entirely, items of news. Now obviously I'm hit by the big stories (reports of the Tsunami in Japan and the subsequent nuclear/human meltdown) but a lot of others go over my head. It's not ideal, because I usually revel in that level of politics. Taking a back seat means I'm growing ever more ignorant, and that's never good...

The breakout story for me has to be the riots in London and Manchester in August. Obviously, two cities close to my heart. It was so very easy getting caught up in the hysteria of it all. I was in Brixton the night that the troubles kicked off there, innocently watching a Morrissey gig with my friend Dan, who was visiting from the North, and probably wishing he hadn't bothered. Worse still, he took the trouble back up country with him when he left London town!

But the sheer velocity and force of the riots... Man, it was scary. Seriously scary. At its peak, there was a dangerous edge. I remember walking around London and people were looking over their shoulders suspiciously; eyeing you up to see if you were "one of them" about to attack. I knew the feeling well, because I shared the paranoia. That's not like me - to get caught up so easily in the slew of news and action.

It's summed up by the U2 song "Stuck in the Moment". It played on an endless loop on my iPod for much of the riot week - somehow capturing in my mind the image of it all so perfectly.

I've a little optimism for 2012 (Olympics, and all that jazz) but I confess, there's still some concern that the "moment" in question isn't quite over just because the riots stopped.

If I have one real resoltion for the new year, it's to follow the news more closely. Stuff like the Eurozone crisis could very well define this 'generation' - I can't afford to miss the politics, and the immediately aftermath of it all.

2: Family

Something I'm only going to touch on lightly, as more and more I appreciate one's need for privacy; especially in an age where potentially anybody can read the blog you write and make do with that information any way they want.

There's been some terrific ups (an unexpected pregnancy for an immediate family relative - baby due mid 2012) to some horific lows (a couple of deaths; one of which caught the whole family off guard because it just happened, and to this day still doesn't feel like it ever did).

I spent the week before Christmas moving my Nan in to a care home. This is the same name that I've celebrated in the past on this very blog; somebody who was once so independent and full of life. Now, it breaks my heart to acknowledge that they are no longer fit to enjoy the life they once lead, or indeed show ability in the running of day to day affairs.

She hates the new place. I thought she would. I hate the idea of her being there. I knew I would. Truth is, it's easy - me now being in London and all, and I often don't stop to think about those left at home. I don't know how my Mum would have coped caring for Nan on a full time basis, so a care home is absolutely the right place for Nan to be. Guess I'm guilty. Should I be? So far away, unable to offer much more help than just moral support. Am I the son who flew the nest and dropped all responsibilites?

Hmm.

3: Cinema

Gone are the days I can sit down and create top ten lists of the greatest films of the last year. I don't have the time, and am not objective enough to do that this year. Instead, here's a list of some of the films I did enjoy this year. A lot of the choices are flawed, yes - but they are included for the purpose I stated: enjoyment.

In no particular order (other than memory):

The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo (USA); Rise of the Planet of the Apes; The King's Speech; Captain America; Moneyball; Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy; The Skin I Live In; Super 8; Source Code; X-Men: First Class. There's more I've missed off, but it's late and my brain can't think.

Slim pickings.

Worse film? I tend to avoid any film I think looks naff - but Sanctum was piss poor, as was The Green Lantern.

Not exactly brain buster, intellectual cinema choices there - but I work in the busiest mulitplex in the UK. When I'm not there (a surprisingly tiny amount of time) the last place I want to be is back at a cinema watching films.

Honest - and so sorry!

4: Death

Man, this year sucked. I've already explained that I lost a couple of relatives (a grand parent and an Uncle, in the space of a week) but the loss of people like Elisabeth Sladen and Nicholas Courtney hit me hard. 'Only' TV stars yes, but they represent a side of my childhood that cannot ever come back now they're gone. Personalties larger than life, who often inspired me in ways I can't grasp. Their deaths rocked me, such was their power and hold over me.

5: Writing

Yay! (In some ways) I've made some head way on my long overdue follow-up to Self.

Boo! Hiss! Lots of miss opportunities. Even with 5 pages of a script complete, I haven't touched the project in over a month. It sits there gathering ever more dust. Why? I guess I can be lazy, and it's all too easy to allow other things to get in the way.

FINAL THOUGHTS

Actually, despite all of the apparent negativity implanted above, 2011 has been a good year for me. No, a great one - one of those all important years where it's possible you come out of it ten times stronger a person than you originally went into it as.

A lot of that is down to work, and developments there. I've worked at this particular cinema for well over 12 months now. It's matured me both working there, and the fact it's so far away from home. I'm a lot more rational, and less prone to silly tantrums. I'm a better communicator, and because of that, a better problem solver. My confidence hasn't been this high since college. Perhaps even EVER. In a good way - I'm not Mr Ego all of a sudden.

To wrap up then, a continuation of this last point. Yes, I'm a more assured person - but the best thing to happen in 2011? I don't know how, or when, but I'm happy again.

Hindsight is a funny thing. I haven't been truly happy since I was with Katie O'Donnell, many moons ago now. Well... it's an omen that I am sincerely over the girl now. Oh yes, sirree! For Anthony is a happy bunny in the world 2011 created for him. I try not to analyse it too much. I just know it's true.

Here's to the next 366-

-And to continued happiness (everybody).

London Calling

2011-04-03T03:29:00.004+01:00

I left home about six months ago. A job opportunity presented itself in the capital; so I up-rooted myself from Manchester, and made a 250+ mile journey to live in London.

Living on my own, I have plenty of time to think... to reflect on what's happened. I often don't. More important things occupy my time now, like work or money (rather, my lack of). When I do stop and pause for those brief moments, it's kinda scary... because I just don't know the answers to any of those questions I'm asking myself inside.

Am I enjoying London? Would I rather be back home, with my family? Is it worth it? Etc.

I don't know.

What I do know for sure is that, whether I liked it or not, I needed change during that last year or so in Manchester - and London offers it.

I spent a lot of time when I worked at Bury cinema thinking "Is now the right time to go?" I still maintain it was. 3 and a half years I spent working there. Ventures new, and all. And boy, there ain't no venture bigger or better than the one I'm at now. Westfield! The number 1 cinema in the UK.

Am I enjoying it? No more/less than Manchester, if I'm quite honest. I have to get use to my new surroundings, of course, but when I do and I'm comfortable with them there's no reason why I can't go about town just like I use to in Manchester, hopping on/off those 135 buses.

Would I rather be back home? Yes. Home is, ultimately, where the heart is. If Bury, Manchester offered me the same facilities and life tools as London... well, it would be a no brainer. I'd never leave (or have left). The fact is, it doesn't - so I have to use elsewhere.

I'm waffling. In short, I just don't know.

A Picture of You

2010-09-19T23:57:00.002+01:00

It's there, and I'm looking at it. Of course, I'm not supposed to be. It breaks all the rules, but hey, I'm passed the point of caring. Hell, I don't think there are rules anymore - not when it comes to YOU. It's been to long, and so much has changed.

The key word to all of this: Change.

It's there in that photo. All this time apart, and because of it I'm the most qualified person in the world to notice all that's different now. The hair stands out most of it - it's a completely different colour! My God, when did that happen? It's so different, and new... but it works. You look fantastic. Time has been good to you.

And then it hts me how annoying that is, because you don't deserve to look good. Not in my eyes, not anymore. You gave up that entitlement a long time ago. I'm supposed to hate you, and look back on our time and think it were some giant mistake. But I don't, and I can't - because that picture proves it. You really are as beautiful as I told myself every date, and as clever, and witty, and as good for me.

It's true that I've changed too. Unlike me looking at you - an outsider looking in - I'm not as aware of those changes, though, because I've rolled with them. They've been tiny steps to me - but added together, they would equate to giant leaps to you. And now I'm curious what you would think - if the tables turned, and you saw a picture of me.

Would you think the same?

And it's a cruel twist of fate that I'll never know.

Beneath the Surface

2010-01-27T03:28:00.003Z

I've been inspired to write this, having just completed The Writer's Tale: The Final Chapter. The amount of thought and sheer hard work that Russell T Davies puts into every step of the writing process shames me, because I know - and you probably know, too - that I'm a lazy writer. Most days I wake up and do very little thinking, if any, writing - save the occassional blog here or there. Hell, I don't even think about writing anymore. Well, that's not exactly true - I think I should be doing more of it (a LOT more) but mentally, I'm not creating new characters, or situations, or whatever. My creativity and workflow? Dead.

Today I forced myself to write something (anything) - the end result being five or six pages of my continuing graphic novel, Assassin. Yep, it doesn't actually set the world alight, but those half dozen pages (from episode 3.5) mark my return to writing, for the first time since... well, it's been that long that I've forgotten. But I'm telling myself I have to continue the trend, and write some more tomorrow, and the day after that, etc.

The Assassin script has, actually, been a fantastic jumping on point. It's such a brave and unique script for me. Honest, I don't think I've ever written anything like it before. It explores the life of one character, Terrance Bronson, who is staring death in the face and in the moments before he dies has flashes of his life repeated to him (but new to us, the reader) that examine the character and the actions that he's taken over the course of the series. Oh, and there's a MASSIVE PLOT TWIST too. Gotta love the MASSIVE PLOT TWIST. Always exciting, and one of the only times you'll walk away from a script or idea and know, hand on heart, that you've done something good, because by the end of the drama, that twist has changed EVERYTHING.

So go twist!

Hopefully I'll have the script completed tomorrow, and then I'll move onto whatever comes next - whether that's Assassin 3.6, or something else entirely, I don't know. That's exciting, I suppose. Lot's of potential there. Fingers crossed I don't waste any of it, and that the potential in me manages to come to the surface.

The Story of THAT Video

2009-12-15T13:17:00.001Z

The staff party went well! Literally everybody I talked to about it seems to have had a blast, and there's oh-so-many memories to take away from the night. The General Manager kissed me (not like that; it was an innocent kiss)! The costumes - all fab (literally in the case of one of them, Mister Jimmy B the Thunderbird)! And the food, t'was great!

One of the major things I was responsible for on the night was the film quiz - and for months I'd been trying to wrack my brains trying to come up with something suitable, because I wasn't interested in doing a straight film quiz. Had to be a twist to it. But what??

Rewind, about three years. The Doctor Who episode Blink airs. It features a scene where the Doctor speaks to the guest character through the TV. Excellent, I thought at the time, highly clever - maybe one day I'll steal such an idea and-

Ah. Yes. Of course!

So I stole it for the film quiz, thinking it would be interesting, to say the least! You see, I'm aware not everybody who works on site at the cinema is a massive film buff - so a film quiz has little interest for them. I had to think up a way of keeping them glued to their seats, or risk them growing restless. This was the perfect solution - it offered questions for the people that wanted them, and allowed a bit of comic relief for those that, well, didn't.

The problem became putting the idea together. I needed to write a script, but quickly found I just didn't have the time. Repeatedly I told myself I would sit down that night and get it done; again and again I put it off. In the end I wrote a very rough first draft that was simply AWFUL! I showed it to a friend of mine, Daniel O'Connor, who said kind things about it... but that script didn't deserve it. Glad we scrapped it!

In the end I wrote a very quick script, a day or so before the deadline, which was the day of filming. On that topic...

Filming.

Ah.

Wasn't too bad, not really. It meant I just had to go into uni dressed in my costume. To say it resembles something you might find a KKK member dressed in would be an understatement. Now, I attend a uni where there's a student population of around 65% black people... and I was walking around dressed in that costume. Not good. Not good at all!!

Was all in good fun, mind. I filmed most of the video by myself, in a drama studio on the media production floor. T'was the first time I'd ever shot on HD, which was an interesting learning curve. The end result looked brilliant because of it.

My main concern when filming was continuity - I had to maintain its order, so for example I couldn't be seen wearing badges in the video, and then not on the night not wear those badges, because it'd then become obvious it wasn't live. I had to look EXACTLY the same, and to do that I cut my hair a few weeks before (because long hair is pesky with ragards to continuity, and I just cba dealing with it) and I had to shave every other day to avoid stubble; but then I had to be careful not to get a rash... or develop a cold... or anything else that would have made it painfully clear that what you were seeing on the TV wasn't made that day.

(As it turns out, end of the night 2 people asked me if it was done live, because "you even had those badges on" - so it was worth the aggro!)

The editing process was peas. Well, once I'd gotten my head around using Final Cut Pro on the university's Mac computers. Beyond that, I just needed a bit of coaching on how to do specific things (like the "broken TV" effect I added) but it was a pretty smooth process.

It ended up going like this:

August 2009: Had my first couple of ideas about the party. Knew that it would involve a film quiz, as this meant somebodies name could go on the trophy.

October 2009: Stuck on the idea of having me appear on the TV set. Was just a question of finding the time to put it together...

November 2009: Wrote a first draft. Awful! Out it goes - in comes a new second draft, that's much better and, in parts (shock! horror!) actually funny!

Tuesday 8th December: Filmed the sequence.

Wednesday 9th December: Edited it into a sorta final cut, just minus any music.

Thursday 10th December: Came in especially to add the music, and begin compression (which can take up to 2 hours). But the piece is now complete! After worrying for so long that I might not be able to pull it off, I do it! This was the first time I saw the piece 'as intended'.

Friday 11th December: DVD copies burnt, and the film is added to Youtube. I discuss the project with Rob Dyson (who will be presenting the quiz in my 'absense') at work - which annoys one staff member, who has no idea what we're up to and thinks I'm suaving.

Sunday 13th December: Myself and Rob rehearse one more time. It goes well! Rob has really got a grasp on it, and bleeds the comedy for all its worth. Suddenly I start to think, "Hmm, this is funny and might actually work on the night!"

Monday 14th December: The big day arrives! I worry about technical issues before it's performed, and rightly so. The sound when played is awful - through not fault of mine, the TV set just had appalling sound. But aside from that, it all goes well! I have to go upstairs out of the way, of course, so as to not spoil the illusion. I can hear snippets of activity downstairs. The audience laughs! Then cheers! At me being muted. Bah! :P

Afterwards people thank and congratulate me on the video, which is fantastic, knowing that all the above work hasn't been in vein.

I'd like to thank Rob Dyson for being such a fantastic quizmaster and keeping the audience under his spell. He's the unspoken hero of the film quiz - so three cheers to him!!!

The videos are available on Youtube, and I'll try to embed them here as best I can.

Go watch them! They're good, honest! ;)

"Typical crazy Howard!"

Finding (Insert Relative's Name Here)

2009-12-12T22:05:00.000Z

Got to spend some quality time with my family today, for the first time in a looooooong while. I've been extremely busy with uni stuff and organising staff social events that I have neglected them somewhat of late - but today being my little sister Lauren's birthday (Eleven! Already!!) I had no excuse, did I?

We all went to the TGI Friday's restaurant in Prestwich village and ate together, sat around the one table for 90 minutes. I told Mum about the promotion that's come up at work, and she wants me to go for it. I'm still undecided. It's a lot of responsibility to take on when I have one more semester left at uni. Could I manage the two? I don't know - and until I'm confident that I could, I wouldn't dream of putting my name forward.

My other sister Donna brought her boyfriend Phil with her, and what was nice was being able to talk to the guy properly. You see, even though Donna has been dating him for about a year now, I've always been afraid of talking to the guy. Well, not afraid, nervous. What if he doesn't like me, will it impact upon Donna? Or what if I don't like him? But of late I think I've just forgotten all that and the two of us have been talking more and more. Still a long way to go, but progress is being made!

It's scary to think just how much Lauren has grown this last year. Man, she's become this confident, cocky kid - and a right old bossy boots! Guess it's inevitable, what with the dawning of the dreaded 'teenage years' fast approaching. 10 years ago, I was in her boots - about to turn 11 myself, months away from leaving primary school.

Funny to think she's living my life, just ten years late (or was I living her's, ten years early...?!). More than with Donna, or Sarah, I see my life reflected through her eyes - and there's so much advice and support I wanna give her, but the biggest lesson of all, I learned the hard way, was if you want to make it out that in the big ol' world, you have to make it off your own back, by teaching yourself, and finding out the answers as best you can.

T'was a good meal. Nice chance to catch up with them all.

I'm off now; we're about to settle down together and watch Finding Nemo.

Quite apt, huh?

December 10th Collected

2009-12-10T16:25:00.001Z

A collection of my diary entries, all from previous December 10ths:

Monday 10th December 2001 (Aged 12)

I got up at 7:00 and watched CBBC. Then I did my homework. School was very fun today. When I got back to Mum's I watched Dharma & Greg, then classic Eastenders and classic Neighbours on UK Gold.

I ate my dinner before watching Blue Peter. Newsround was about the Lord of the Rings premiere. In Neighbours, Dione lost the baby. Then I watched the Simpsons, where Burns had a trillion dollars.

I went up and read chapters 25-35 of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. Finally finished it!

We all rang Nanny Rose up to say "Happy Birthday!". Then I watched Eastenders, where Sharon and Phil babysat, and Louise became ill. As I sorted my books out I watched Who Wants To Be A Millionaire. I listened to some music and had a cuppa-soup, before going up and reading the first 5 pages of Sherlock Holmes: The Adventure of the Blue Carbuncle.

Then it was bed...

Tuesday 10th December 2002 (Aged 13)

I woke up at just gone seven, and I revised for today's French test. Then at quarter past eight I walked to school. Today, in French, we had the easy listening test. Mrs Clarkson gave us tonnes to revise for the speaking test.

I walked home and I watched Episode 4 of Doctor Who: Frontier in Space, Cheers (Sam and Rebecca decided not to have children together) and Friends (Ross got married).

Mum picked Nanny Rose up. At six o'clock Uncle Jason and his kids arrived, and we all gave Nan her presents. I talked to Nan as I watched The Simpsons.

At seven o'clock Mum drove Nan back home. I went upstairs and wrote Adam & Iris episode 4.1 - "Redemption - Part One", the season 4 premiere where Cindy returned.

I watched the Champions League - Arsenal vs. Valencia (Arsenal won). Then I wrote a Doctor Who story, "The Death of Peladon - Episode 2" where the Eighth Doctor was seperated from his companions, and Ssard heard of a plot against King Peladon.

I watched V Graham Norton, before I went to bed.

Here's to Nan, and many more years of joy!

Wednesday 10th December 2003 (Aged 14)

Wow! Seventy years ago today Rosemary Healey was born in Wales. Now, seventy years later, Rose lives in Manchester, England - with three of her kids and nine of her grnadchildren (one of which is me!). She's had a grand old life, but in recent years she's been through some rough patches indeed. From the neighbours from Hell (we all hated them!) to her tripping and breaking her hip. However, she's always pulled through, because that's the kind of person she is.

I returned home from school and watched episode one of Doctor Who: The Sunmakers. At four o'clock, the birthday girl herself arrived. Rachel, Jason and all their kids visited. For one hour we tried desperately to create a party atmosphere, and this time we succeeded! We gave Nan her birthday gifts, and then she blew out her birthday cake. Rachel and the kids left at five, and Mum took Nan back home at seven o'clock.

In my bedroom I watched Coronation Street, The Bill and finally, the last Bodysnatchers. I ate some party food that had been left over for my supper, before I watched V Graham Norton on Channel 4, and then I entered dreamland.

Friday 10th December 2004 (Aged 15)

No diary entry written down.

Saturday 10th December 2005 (Aged 16)

Our first date!

Yep, after almost 2 weeks waiting for the day arrive, me and Katie went out for the first time today. Man, it was weird - I didn't really know what to expect. I mean we've barely spoken in person before this, and after so much time chatting online I didn't want us to meet, and for me to suddenly realise she isn't my type. I needed have worried; she's great!

Oh, I'm sooooo lucky! She's incredibly beautiful and thinks I'm really funny ("you should be a comedian" she told me on the metrolink ride into Manchester, as I joked around with her). We watched a film together, The Lion, The Witch & the Wardrobe before walking around Manchester for a little while.

On the way back home I wanted to kiss her, but was scared of making the first move! She laughed at this, but I suppose it can always wait! Yes, that's right, that means they'll be a next time - we had such fun today that she's agreed for us to carry this on.

Happiest guy in the world? Me right now!

Sunday 10th December 2006 (Aged 17)

As written to Katie-

Wow. It’s an entire year already. It feels amazing to be able to say at last, “I’ve been dating Katie for a year...” I don’t think I’ll ever get over that feeling! Anyways, today was special for a number of reasons. Firstly, I cooked you a meal. Aha, tasty! As it’s my Nanny Rose’s birthday too, my Nan came up to our house; looking all the more frail, but still so full of life. Bless her.

Anyways (again!) I felt horrible for leaving you all alone in the living room, as I was called away every five minutes back into the kitchen. Every time I went to start a conversation with you I was forced away again. D’oh!

I hope you liked the meal. I cooked chicken, with stuffing and lots of vegetables. Desert was Apple Strudel with custard, or chocolate sponge with custard. I elected for the strudel, whilst you had the sponge - why the Hell didn’t you tell me you’re not keen on custard?!?

Going back upstairs I gave you “Paper Memories” after months of teasing. Ah, bless, you seemed to love it. It meant so much that you appreciate the effort I put into it. :) Aww, and babes, your picture frame rocks. I’ll sit it on the very edge of my bed and look at it every morning/evening, and smile. ‘Cos you mean so much to me.

You left halfway through Channel 4’s screening of “Forrest Gump”, which I can’t believe you’ve never seen!!! Before you left, I snuck my ‘monkey’ teddy into your bag - because you love it so much :) I want you to have it, so it proves how much I want everything I own to be yours’ too.

Aww. One year!!! Yip-pee.

Here’s to two.

Monday 10th December 2007 (Aged 18)

From the post "Time On My Hands"

Whoa! The past couple of weeks have just flown by, haven't they? It's probably because I've had so much on my plate that I haven't had time to stop and look back. Always moving forwards, that's me. But seriously, whoa! December the 10th already - so much to do before Christmas and yet, so little time!

I've had like five university projects to complete all at once (talk about piling on the pressure!). There was a number of editing tasks that needed completing before today ("Shameless" and "New Street Law") but, thankfully, they're all done and dusted now. I've also - just! - completed a documentary proposal for my "Scriptwriting in Context" module. I'll go deliver that any minute now. But no time to rest, there's still plenty left to do!

I've got four 500 word essays to write before Wednesday afternoon; but, to be perfectly honest, I can probably work my way through them all tomorrow during my day off. Then there's a 20 minute presentation to plan for (which will take place Wednesday December 20th) which is based on the work of director Tim Burton. It's surprising how, with just over a week to go, we've hardly done as a group! Guess we'll just make the damn presentation up on the spot! Generally, it's how I work best - brag your way through it!

Then next Monday I've got to write a first draft of an essay that outlines where I want to go, and how I want to get there. Which is a little tricky to do this early in my writing career! It's like trying to second guess what will happen tomorrow - but it should be fun! I'm a forward thinker so the idea of planning ahead is kinda neat!

Honestly, I can't wait for the Christmas break from uni next week (the 'term' ends December 21st) which will give me enough time to Christmas shop. I'll also be working many an hour at the cinema - I'm thinking of expanding my available hours over the Christmas period so I can get a little more money for the new year. Not that I need additional money; I've got too much at the mo, and don't know what to do with it!

*He jests*

December is also a busy month for birthdays, too. A couple of days ago it was my step-sister Kirsty's 20th birthday. Not that I saw her, because me and my dad ended up having a major bust up (he was probably still a little drunk from the night before...) and in the end he didn't pick me up like he was supposed to. Never mind; I don't really speak to Kirsty anyway. Put it this way; she's not my biggest fan, and I'm not hers either.

Today is my Nan's birthday, bless her. She barely gets out of the house anymore, but tonight she's coming with me to watch my sister perform in a panto in town, which should be great for the both of us. I think she suffers from depression a little - a side effect of being stuck in a small village flat all day long. Her health isn't what it was, either, which is a real shame because I remember when I was younger and she'd look after me. Now it's me who does the looking after. Hope she has a good day - she deserves it!

On Wednesday it's my baby sister Lauren's birthday. I won't say how old she is, because it makes me feel old to think that it was that many years ago she came into the world! She's growing up pretty fast, but is still a right royal pain in my ass! But that's what little sisters are for, I guess...

And as all this birthday chaos goes on around me, I'm busy trying to write "Frank's Apocalypse" though there's not been any progress since I last reported here on the site. I just need the time and patience to sit down and write the thing. It's like a mini paradox; when I want to write, I simply don't have the time - and when I do have the time, I'm too tired and can't be arsed. Hopefully Santa will bring me a refill of will power this Crimbo.

I have, at least, had a fairly decent weekend. I met up with Paul R - a writer on my Torchwood and Sarah Jane websites - and we had a quick coffee together, and talked and talked until both of us had exhausted our geekiness. Paul's a great guy (who's probably reading this right now) and hopefully we'll meet up again soon and geek out all over again!

Right, it's time for lunch - I've just got enough spare time to buy an egg mayo sandwich and a latte from the cafeteria before I head on back to my last lecture on "Photography and Editing". Just. So I better hurry and get my running shoes on!

Have a great day whatever you're doing!!

Wednesday 10th December 2008 (Aged 19)

When I was little, the woman was there for me whenever I needed her. I have one very specific memory of spending all my weekdays with her one summer, as Mum went out to work. Nan babysat us, but not only that - she kept us entertained, and loved us in a way only she could.

That summer sticks with me - it was the year that Teletubies launched and my (then) infant sister was addicted to it. Me and Donna were also glued to the telly, watching CBBC's H.O.T programming ("Holidays on Two"), but it wasn't all about home entertainment.

Nan used to take us all around the local shopping precinct. I remember those trips around Sainsbury's, and inside the nearby charity shops. Nowadays, that doesn't sound like much - but by God, back then they were adventures! And I got to spend them with this woman who demonstrated such care and affection for us, and I fell absoultely in love with her.

Nowadays she's older and not as nimble on her feet, having broke her hip five or six years ago. She's more house bound, but I can still see that desire to get out and have those adventures again, shown through the twinkle in her eye.

I propose a toast, to my Nan - the single most caring woman in the world, a woman so kind that no matter what your needs come before her's, every time. A woman that I love, in short, with every single inch of my heart.

To Rosemary Healey; the first 75 years!!

Thursday 10th December 2009 (Aged 20)

Been a bit of a funny day all round. Popped into uni for a quick hour and a bit to compress the Film Quiz (but before that, add the all important music) making it sure that it's ready to burn onto DVD tomorrow.

Was meant to be at Nan's house for about 12pm, to wish her happy birthday, but I ended up getting there a little late... well, at honur late. Spent too long at uni on those damn videos, ya see.

She's looking well. Better than I've seen her for a while, actually. We had a good old natter about her sisters who live all over the place, and friends of her's she is still in contact with - 60+ years after she left Wales. It's just a shame I got there late, and had to leave less than an hour or so after I arrived.

You see they asked me to cover at the Lowry centre arm of the cinema I work for. Haven't gone there yet - about to set off any minute now. I covered at Bolton last year, and it was most fun getting to play around with another site. Think I liked exploring it most of all. Loser, me.

I better go, my lift is coming in a mo.

Here's to the rest of this December 10th, and the ones that follow!

Stuck in TV Land

2009-12-08T13:18:00.002Z

After months of planning (literally) I finally got around to filming the video for the film quiz today, at a studio on the uppermost floors of Bolton University.

Because of the nature of the piece and the fact that these blog posts of mine end up on Facebook I'm taking the unusual step of keeping this hidden until after the staff party - so nobody can spy on me, and spoil the surprise. That stands for any other post that might mention the film quiz video between now and Monday evening.

You can see an image of me in costume above; a costume I had to wear on the bus ride to uni. No, really. Well... only sorta. You see, I couldn't risk the damn thing creasing in my bag, so I wore the white pants, shirt and boots - and left the rest (braces, bowler hat & eye make-up) hidden from view. Probably for the best, really. I already looked like a tit.

Before filming I took part in a photoshoot for 2010's End of Degree show, which is basically the last night of my course - where all students gather at a cinema, to view the films that we've made over the course of this past year, in front of a hundred or so industry professionals. That above picture comes from that, and it was taken by the very talented David Noble.

Man, the filming shoot was a frustrating experience... I just couldn't find the voice of the piece, for a long while, so I shot the first opening segment over a dozen times. Each time I got a different combination of things wrong - lines, cues, etc.

The more that went wrong, the more nervous I become, and the more I felt the pressure and suddenly started messing up more and more. Eventually, about midway through, things just... clicked into place, and I speeded my way through the rest of it all, a little happier in my place.

Afterwards I captured the footage on Final Cut, and was relieved to find much of it had turned out well. Phew! At one point during the filming process I worried that I'd completely ruined this funny little script I had last week, and that the whole thing would now be doomed to fail. Now, I don't feel that. I'm optimistic, and can smile-

Because things will probably work out.

Who'd have thunk it?

Hunger Strike

2009-12-06T14:35:00.000Z

I hate this, being so busy that I can't find time to eat. Yeah, sure, it's easy you saying "But you must always find time to eat, Anthony!" - however, when you're as busy as I've been this past week or so, that's easier said than done! It means more often than not you can hear my stomach rumble from a million, zillion miles away.

Let me tell you, things have changed! When I was growing up you'd be pressed to see me NOT eating. I was the sort of child that was always munching away at something - almost as if my stomach was a bottomless pit, capable of going on and on forever, never getting full.

These past few years, because of lifestyle and such, that's no longer the case. I eat only meals, mostly and no filler snacks inbetween. This year, I don't even touch chocolate or fizzy drinks because of a bet I had around this time last year: Could I make it an entire year without touching any of that stuff? So from January 1st 2009 through to December 31st, ooh, about 25 days from now, I couldn't touch any of them.

And you know what? I've done it! Not touched chocolate at all, or felt the urge to drink something like Coca-Cola. No, sirree. Been a good boy, honest 'guv.

But anyhoo... me, now, hungry. Want... need... food...

...

...

Will do anything.

Well, not quite!

Can you go fetch it for me? You will? Most excellent!

Hmmm... delicious!

From the Edit Suite

2009-12-04T15:06:00.002Z

First off, let me make it quite clear that I am NOT an editor. My mind thinks as a writer's mind should, and so doesn't grasp anything remotely technical. That proved a problem in my first year at uni, when I was required to go out and shoot/edit stuff, but gradually I dropped all that melarky, to concentrate on my writing. Or so I thought...

You know how the very worst nightmares are the ones that resurface over and over again; dragging you back into them on a nightly basis? That's what this feels like; my latest uni assignment. I'm expected to edit down a series of videos and make a 1-3 minute promo for each of them, for my Work Baed Learning module. I had no idea I'd have to be editing this year - so honestly, I could cry right now.

Let me tell you, things are going especially dreadful. I don't seem to be able to get a hold on the editing process again, so it's pretty much been left down to another guy on the course/module with me to do it all. With his help, I produced a half decent video promo that I was a little proud of (more than I ever expected to be, for footage that I have no creative ownership over). But this being Bolton Uni, the video was immediately labelled as shite by the lecturer, who told us to enforce some changes before she signs it off.

It's a kick in the balls, not only when I'm a crappy editor anyhoo and want nothing more to do with the editing process (at uni, anyhoo) but when I'm juggling many different dishes, the last thing I want to do is spend an eternity on one project, and never get around to finishing it.

I have an extension of the project now; probably to the end of next week. To be honest though, I'd rather just finish the damn excercise now - the sooner editing is over, the sooner the nightmare ends and I can sleep easy again.

My Brain Has Turned To Mush

2009-12-02T22:26:00.001Z

I only had about 3 hours sleep last night, because I was busy stressing out over uni work that I hadn't completed (despite the fact I'd been given up to 6 weeks to do it). So I'm tired, and a little groggy, and wishing above all else that I can just go curl up in bed and catch some zeds.

Before I do that, let me tell you what I've been up to over the course of the last 24 hours. Quite exciting stuff, really!!

First off there's the 20-30 page treatment I'm required to complete ahead of writing my 120 page final project script next semester. It's for a film called The Body in the Suitcase - and it's something I've been neglecting up to now. Well, at last I got my ideas down on paper - and if I'm honest, even at this rough first draft stage it reads quite well. It leaves me very excited about the film, and getting down to writing it; which is always the best way to be.

Then there's The Blaze scripts, which I am suppose to be writing for my Writing For Radio class. The first drafts were due in last week, but I completely missed that deadline...

My tutor, Les Smith, gave me a one week extension - which was kind of him. I was detirmined not to let him down again, and at least come in to today's class with something to show. Ultimately it was only half the amount of episodes he wanted to see (6 scripts, adding up to 30 pages - instead I offered 3 scripts with 15ish pages) but that's besides the point.

For after months and months of planning, fretting and putting the project off I actually got around to doing something with The Blaze again - and it's all worked out quite well. Les likes the scripts, which is a great sign. Of course there's reccomendations off him on how to improve things, but that's to be expected when something is at its infany first draft.

Fingers crossed I can keep up the momentum, and get episodes 4-6 complete asap!!

Finally, I'm supposed to be editing a video for the university school website. It's in regards to the student radio station - but the whole experience has been cursed! All the footage I shot last week is unusable because of a sound problem that none of us could foresee while filming. Shame. It means I have to edit with what I have; very little (crappy) footage that the university itself shot during Fresher's week. It's very tedious stuff - and so far the edit isn't going so great...

But enough about that! I think I've deserved a night to myself, to chill out and relax. Might spend it watching a couple of David Tennant Doctor Who episodes, building up to his departure this Christmas. Still have to make my dinner, too. Feels like I haven't eaten properly in DAYS. Man, my stomach keeps on a-rumbling!!

Doubt I can do any more work tonight. My brain feels sleepy, and as though it's turned to mush through all those hours of work I subjected it to!

Still, it'll do me some good - and at the end of it, if I get The Blaze made or The Body in the Suitcase script complete, then I'll be laughing.

Probably sleeping too, through exhaustion, hunger and the fact I now need a brain transplant.

Nightio!

Evolving Noughties

2009-11-30T19:09:00.000Z

Man, I can't believe how fast this year is going. I mean, November is over already!! Just 31 short days from now we'll bid farewell to 2009, and welcome in 2010 - which I've just realised is the start of a new decade (unless you're anal about these sorts of things, and class 2011 the start of the next decade...). What a scary, scary thought!

It doesn't seem five minutes ago that my sister Sarah was born. Of course, it was a little more than five minutes - sixteen years to be exact. Yep, she's sweet sixteen - and leaves school in a few short months. To be though she's still tht baby/toddler I used to wind up and make cry, or that no-nonsense kid I grew up with.

Knowing she's growing up changes our whole relationship. We're in a transition phase now, where it's time I accept she's her own woman and treat her like an adult. It causes friction between the two of us, of course, when I forget this and revert back to the mode of her being just a child; or my little sister than needs my constant help.

Biggest change of this last decade, I suppose, is how we've all developed as people - and nothing demonstrates this more than what Sarah has turned from and into.

Happy birthday, sis.

***

Voting has closed on the staff awards! I now know all 7 winners... well 8 actually, for reasons that will become clear to people on the night. Talking of which, there's still so much to plan for - I have a secret squirrel task to head up at uni (more on that another time) and then have to organise the food with the managers. Oh, and I have to come up with some sort of order for the night's activities.

Easy-peasy. Organised is fast becoming my middle name!

Don't Make Me Laugh!

2009-11-28T16:00:00.001Z

Some funny stories that have happened to me recently (or, basically an excuse to write one of these things really, really fast because I've got to go out soon and haven't the time to write anything deep or meaningful):

1: Family Fortunes

I've already told you about this; a staff event I'm planning for next February, based around ITV's long running Family Fortunes series. Of course, we all know the format - one question, which 100 answer in a survey. Right, so we need a survey. Well, check, got that. I've started sending it out to people - which is where things get decidedly fishy...

One of the questions is "Name a body part you have more than two of". Simple enough, yes? Well you'd think. Half the answers have come back as something sensible like fingers, or toes... but then there's a bizarre phenomenon occuring. Half those that had replied to the survey haven't answered one of those more sensible (right) answers. So what have they put?

Things like arms, legs, eyes and - most embarrassingly - nose.

Oh dear.

It means we probably won't be able to use that question in the quiz now.

D'oh!

2: The Reversing Fat Lady

Watched the film Paranormal Activity at work the other day. Aside from being creepy as Hell, the experience left me in stitches. Not because of the movie - but something that happened in the auditorium during it.

I arrived a little late (as my shift didn't exactly finish on time) so instead of commuting through dozens of people to get my ideal seat, slap bang in the middle of the screen, I settled for a seat right at the back - close to the doors. It proved a fascinating vantage point for what was about to happen...

About halfway through the film those doors opened, and a fat woman on those mobile chair devices comes in with what I can only presume was her other half. At the top of her voice (!) she screams to him to find the disabled bay - disturbing the entire screen in the process. I quickly realise she's here for the next performance, and has arrived early!

Anyhoo, she finds the bay - but the screen is on a slope (no stadium seating at Vue Bury!!) and her breaks don't seem to be working - so this fat woman starts slipping down the slope! With all her might, and causing a God-awful amount of noise, she begins to reverse her mobile cart, which makes the sound that HGVs make when traveling backwards-

Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep!

And away she goes, as an usher comes inside to tell her that she's arrived too early, and asks if she can wait outside.

After she goes, somebody in the audience shouts out at the top of their voice, summing up the whole experience:

"Stupid fat bitch!"

Oh, how we laughed.

3: Trophies

I'm in the middle of sending off for several trophies, having them engraved as I go. They're for the staff Christmas party in December, but the whole thing is cursed, because half the trophies are coming back with the wrong engravings put upon them!

One of them is suppose to read:

"Vue Cinemas Bury, The So & So Award 2009, Winner's Name"

Instead it reads:

"Vue Cinemas, Bury the So & So, Award 2009, Winner's Name"

I contacted the seller and they told me the reason for this is that the engraver is a Dutch lady, who doesn't have the best handle on English grammar...

Needless to say, when I kicked up a fuss they were more than happy to send me a replacement!

4: Twilight Fan

Actual dialogue from an advance showing of Twilight Saga's New Moon:

(Bit of background, my cinema had a midnight showing on day of release at 12:01am - which was that popular that a second showing was added at 12:15am)

GIRL: Hey, is this screen ready yet?
ME: 'Fraid not. Last showing hasn't finished.
GIRL: When can we go in?
ME: It's hard to say - there's a queue already forming for the 12:01 showing, mind.
GIRL: Yeah, that's me.
ME: No, says here you're in the 12:15 show.
GIRL: What?! No! I asked for 12:01.
ME: That one has sold out.
GIRL: I don't care, that's the one I'm supposed to be watching.
ME: I'm sorry.
GIRL: Swap it for me.
ME: Again, can't. It's sold out.
GIRL: But... you have to! There's no way I'm watching the 12:15 show.
ME: I'm afraid you'll have to.
GIRL: No! Nobody is seeing this film 14 minutes before me.
ME: It's only 14 minutes.
GIRL: I don't care. I'm not going home tonight knowing that a group of people saw it before I did.
ME: Well, for your information we had a staff showing 24 hours ago.

That's Twilight fans for you!

5: Met Inspectors

Last but not least, a story involving everybody's favourite - ticket inspectors! So, we're on the scavenger hunt last week, and my team needs only find a photo of a metrolink ticket inspector to gain 100 points. We jump on a metro tram to desperately try and find them... suddenly realising that, actually, I don't have a valid ticket - so if we *do* find them, I'll be in a whole heap of trouble!

Luckily we didn't find any met inspectors on that particular metro. Later on we tried to photograph one of them at the Victoria station... and the camera didn't work!

It meant we missed out on the 100 points - which cost us the game!

Not good, not good!

Disaster, Disaster!

2009-11-26T21:32:00.003Z

OK, that was not good. Not one bit...

For the first time since April I was out and about filming today; but I'm getting ahead of myself. Let's travel back in time a couple of weeks and examine the path that lead me to this point-

Over summer I was supposed to go off and try and get a work placement at some important media company - somewhere like the BBC or ITV. The reason why I italicised 'supposed' there was because... well, I never bothered to even try. So with a month to go until final marks for the Work Based Learning module had to be in... that left me a little stuck!

Rescue came from, ironically enough, a newly formed production company *within* the university. I was taken in by them, and told to produce a video relating to the uni's new student radio station; editing pre-existing footage into something smart and classy. Saying that, the already shot footage was awful, so I faught the case for being able to reshoot interviews with the station manager myself.

Eventually I was allowed to... but would soon wish I hadn't bothered! Seriously, we were given just half an hour to talk to the guy, because he and members of my crew had to rush off. You see, the interviewee was only available at the end of the working day, at 4pm. It meant we were sat down all day just waiting, twiddling our thumbs and doing nothing in partiuclar.

When we finally got to interview Warren, I was trying my best - but his answers were only minimal, at around 30 seconds apiece. Not ideal when I have to come up with a 3 minute video! I'm sure the talk could have been stretched out... if only I had managed to persuade the guy to talk much slower. Yeah, if only...

To be perfectly honest, it's my own fault for being a badly prepared director on the day. There was no real preperation, and it shows. The footage, which I have yet to view back,. is probably very poor - because I should have wracked my brain for better questions to ask!

I was in desperate need for others in the group to help me out and offer suggestions, but nobody was willing to give any! Even for as something as cutaway shots, they offered no creativity. It's no surprise then that this video I'm about to assemble will be devoid of any creativity.

So very, very bad.

In summary, I filmed today.

T'was a complete diaster.

Predators & Prey

2009-11-24T22:53:00.000Z

Apologies if this post reads as a highly charged, angry rant - because I guess that's what it is, and there's no denying that because I'm pissed off, and in desperate need of venting that anger.

Last night I took part in the scavenger hunt, with the people from my work. It was an entertaining enough evening, looking around Manchester for objects/items with friends. I, personally, would have enjoyed it a hell of a lot more though if it weren't for the people moaning about it - before, during and after.

Complaints ranged from the start time, to teams being allowed to set off 5 minutes early (but still at the designated time), to the fact that myself and fellow organiser Dan O'Connor took part in it, and helped a couple of teams out.

It wasn't enough, or good enough, that me and Dan had spent pretty much all of our free time over the course of the last two months piecing this things together, bit by bit - writing the list, organising teams, ensuring people got the night off, etc. Oh no, people still had to complain, and annoingly not just to us, but about us.

We wanted to put a staff event on, and make sure people had fun during it.

The cheek!

I haven't been able to do anything right, it seems. Every decision or action I've made seems to have been the wrong one, and offended somebody somewhere. What should have been a silly vaunt around Manchester has turned into something far more sinister and damn right nasty, and I'm not sure I like it - what I've brought together here over the course of the last two months. Have I just given rise to something that'll tear the team apart?

The road to Hell is paved with good intentions, so they say, and it's true. The more I tried to fix things up, the more they seemed to fall apart. Now I'm sat here, trying to remember all of the good things the scavenger hunt brought - images of Stan buying the Daily Sport and being too embarrassed to read it, getting kicked out of La Senza, all of it - but instead those images have been tarnished by all of the bad things that have emerged.

And so, today. I've been bombared with messages from everybody - some demanding a recount, or a rematch, others quite vocal and angry - but they all make one mistake, in that they treat me as some some of enemy they have to battle against.

Emotionally it's left its mark on me. This has to have been the worse day of my life since I broke up with a girlfriend many moons ago. I'm desperately sad, at the same time as being angry, and I just want to curl up on bed and cry my eyes out, like a child that's just been called smelly on the playground.

Who knew trying to do something fundermentally decent and proper, like organise a staff social, could leave somebody so battered and bruised. Makes me question if I should do it again - and if people treat me this way, why should I do it? Breaks my heart, honest it does.

I'm running out of things to say on the matter. My parting words are something I wrote on Facebook, in reply to one question about the night:

Yeah it was fun, but it's being marred by petty disputes over who won what, and why. Folks, it DOESN'T MATTER. It was a game... there's winners, and losers. If you lost, move on and next month we'll start a new game. Just be happy that you had fun that night, and have lasting memories to take away with you.

I want to think about the scavenger hunt in 10/20 years and be able to smile.

What say you?

Twilight Madness

2009-11-22T16:17:00.000Z

I've been working at a cinema for around two and a half years now, and I like to think that its rhythm has become second nature to me by now. The job is easy... I know it like the back of my hand - but every now and then it still manages to throw up a surprise or two. This weekend was one of those increasingly rare exceptions.

You see, the latest installment in the Twilight saga was released Friday - and a rush of fangirls decided to go along and watch it, like they annoyingly do! We had over 2,000 people both Friday and Saturday queuing to watch the damn thing - and desperate to get in that screen, to finally see Mr Robert Pattinson, or that other guy that looks like he's been on a Hell of a lot of steroids since the first film in the series was released last year...

(You know the one, cliche-Native American werewolf guy.)

The only thing stopping these mad, mad women were us, the ushers. They all left that much mess that we filled bin after bin up with rubbish, in an exhausting attempt to clean the screens before the next showing started. Sometimes we managed it, to the delight of the queuing fangirls, and other times we didn't - and were a good few minutes into the adds and trailers before any customer was ready to be let inside, much to the annoyance of the fangirl.

By the end of my shift on Saturday I was shattered. The previous two days of rushing around, cleaning screen after screen had finally caught up with me, and proved too much. Not only that, but I'd stayed on an extra two hours to help a friend out because another member of staff had called in sick - so I ended up working an eleven hour shift that day, in the middle of Twilight madness. My feet? Ready to drop off at any minute.

I'm back in again today, on another close. This time I have a lucky escape, however, because they've put me on the Ben & Jerry's ice cream team. I say that like it's a good thing, but if I think about it I know what I'll find when I get there - even more queues, and it wouldn't surprise me if the place wasn't stocked up and we were under staffed.

Having said all that... boy was it fun! I love it when the cinema is busy, because it's almost like that how it should be all the time; a hub of activity. Brill!

Just wish my feet didn't ache so much because of it, and that these bags under my eyes through exhaustion would leave me alone and find somebody else to bother!!

***

Ooh, the staff awards are coming along nicely. Counted the names of 11 ballot papers yesterday morning. The winners of two categories are a dead cert - I mean, the person/s nominated leads with 11/12 votes in one, and 10/12 votes in another!

Little surprised and disappointed I didn't get more nominations!

Nah, I don't deserve them!! :P

***

Scavenger Hunt tomorrow. Watch this space!!

Plant a Seed & It Shall Grow

2009-11-20T23:01:00.000Z

Ladies & Gentlemen, I give you my life right now - or at least, all of the things I'm planning:

PROJECT#1 - "The Scavenger Hunt"

The flow of emotions continues. After being excited earlier this week, then slightly miffed at a number of folk bemoaning the whole thing, I'm excited once again - but this time with a whole bundle of nerves thrown in. Always ends up like this, a few days before an event. It's the point where you wonder if, after all these weeks of planning, the thing will actually come together at the end... or fall apart. Hopefully not the latter!

It's only three days away now; taking place the evening of Monday 23rd November. The plan is to first meet up and go for a meal at a chinese all you can eat buffet, and then have a look around the visiting christmas markets. After that... the hunt begins!

This late in the game, I should probably stop worrying and just sit back and take a chill pill, because there's not really all that much I can influence now. Either somebody attends, or they don't. Whatever happens, it'll be a blast and we'll all have loads of fun, anyhoo.

PROJECT#2 - "Work Based Learning videos"

As part of my work based learning module at university I'm supposed to get a week long placement at a media outlet, and have them sign off on the work I've done. Well... I failed to get a placement, and with the deadline fast approaching I've been assigned to work within the university's fledgling production company, coming up with a series of videos and promos to promote two things:

1: The student union. This will be done by editing together pre-existing footage, which is easy enough. Hardest thing is the sound, which needs clearing up some what.

2: The student radio station. For this I'm going to record new video interviews, and edit them together. I'm also going to make 2 or 3 promos, which will add up to around 30 seconds in length.

The deadline for this is the 7th of December, with filming scheduled in for Thursday of this coming week. Editing thereafter, I would presume. Should be fun! And hey, it means I pass a module I would have otherwise failed.

PROJECT#3 - "Staff Christmas Party 2009"

Oh, yes! Taking place on Monday 14th December we have this little beauty, which has proved every bit as difficult as the scavenger hunt to organise, but has tested me in different ways. Whereas the scavenger hunt was me and just one other person - Dan O'Connor - working together to come up with something, this time I'm working with around 10 or so other staff, attempting to piece together this giant puzzle of ideas.

There's loads going on:

1: Film Quiz. This is my area, and I have something a little extra special planned for it... but I can't spill the beans here, because sneaky Vue folk read this blog, and then the surprise is ruined. Just put it this way, if what I have planned pans out... boy will they be impressed!!

2: Secret Santa. I've very little involvement in this, mostly because the guy putting it together - Adam Fairhurst - is doing a stirling job without my input. It's to his credit that of all the things within the Christmas Party, this is the one that has come together the easiest, and without the least pain. Oh, and it'll be a giggle - hope I pick the name of somebody I don't like out, just so I can be awful by getting them a terrible present!

3: Fancy dress. Another one of those areas that I've had little to do with bringing together, except for the fact I was the one who suggested the idea. A few folk are resistant to it... but that's only because they are Scrooge types withour a sense of fun! Yes, the theme - come as a film character - isn't really christmassy, but that's besides the point. Have a little fun people, and allow your imaginations to run away with you one in a while!

(Oh, and just so you know I - currently! - intend to come dressed as a droog from A Clockwork Orange. Oh yes, oh yes!)

PROJECT#4 - "The Blaze"

It's still every bit my intention to get the series up and running. I wrote another pitch document for it the other day, which was a massive improvement on the original. It's just a matter of time now, of when I can sit down and write it. Saying that, it's become partof my Writing for Radio portfolio, so I suppose the episodes will have to be done by mid-January (if I want them to get marked!). Exciting. Things might actually move forward again...

PROJECT#5 - "Staff Bowling"

January's staff event. After the go kart racing, scavenger hunt and staff party this should be piss easy to organise. All I've got to do is ask around who wants to attend, make sure they get the night off, and then make sure they turn up. Easy-peasy.

I have decided to complicate matters slightly by suggesting a surprise something for the end of the night - but again, as to what... well watch this space.

PROJECT#6 - "Family Fortunes"

Not one to let an opportunity pass, I've decided to use the fact that I work in a cinema to allow me to put on a game show in one of the screens! The chosen game is ITV's Family Fortunes, which, due to technical issues and the need to survey 100 people ("we asked a 100 people to name...") for answers, means I have to start planning it now - for a Monday February 1st target date for the event.

I'm working alongside a friend of mine, Rob Dyson, putting it all together. So far we have collected 35 surveys - just another 65 to go! The patterns are starting to emerge in the answers though - and without telling you the question, I will reveal that the answer "gremlins" is proving quite popular...

Hopefully we can put technical issues aside and get the thing working. It'd be a damn shame if we have to cancel it, because of all the upcoming events, this is the one that most staff are looking forward to.

PROJECT#7 - "Murder Mystery Night"

The last staff event I currently have on my radar (although FAR from the last one planned), I've barely even begun thinking about this. All I've done so far is have a few throwaway conversations with Dan O'Connor - who is again helping me to put the event together - about how it will be possible to run a murder mystery night, and what format it should take.

Over the next few weeks, when the scavenger hunt and staff party are out of the way, no doubt we'll have a proper sit down to discuss ideas, and move forward with the whole thing.

Projected date of the event - Monday 1st March 2010.

PROJECT#8 - "Karaoke"

Thought it'd be fun to visit a karaoke bar with the guys and gals from work. Most likely time we'll do this is end of March 2010, just before Easter. That's because the April event will have to be held off until the middle of the month, due to the 2 week Easter holidays - so a small staff event like a karaoke bar is a nice stop-gap in the schedule.

PROJECT#9 - "University Degree Show"

I've been putting this together with a group of others at uni, and so far it's looking... sketchy. Think we need to plan it some more, before any of us get a real sense of what the night will be like. We do have a theme, mind - That's Entertainment! It'll see us all go dressed up as an icon of film, and celebrate classic Hollywood stars. Projected date for this is June 2010, although nothing is set in stone.

PROJECT#10 - "Prom Night"

Before the current site for my work shuts next year, I want to have a Prom Night event for all of the current staff to celebrate its closing, and us leaving it behind. Kind of like how High Schoolers bid farewell to school before they move onto college.

We'd hire a room, and all come in formal clothing. Also, limo-booking! A live band! Asking each other to be our dates for the night! Ooh, fun! But it's not time to plan it yet... t'is still months away. Will think about it more when the prospect of the current site finally shutting looks likely to become a reality.

And that's my life right now.

All those plans whirling around my head... well, a boy is likely to get stressed!

Still, I love organising them all. Shall never complain about that, because the opportunity of getting to plan events that makes groups of people happy and excited it's, well to borrow from a certain well known advertising slogan, "priceless".

Runarounds

2009-11-18T22:56:00.000Z

In the last post I told of my enthusiasm about the approaching staff event in Manchester I'm organsing - a scavenger hunt. Ha, how things change because honest to God I'm stressed out to the max with regards to it now - worrying who will show/who won't, who can make it on time/who can't. Little things like that. I won't actually enjoy the experience again now until we're out there, on the damn hunt next Monday.

What's making it worse is a small band of folk at work who are coming down on me about certain aspects, and quite hard. The main problem is the hunt was supposed to start at 6pm - but various folk didn't finish work until this time. Even though I compromised and pushed the start time back until later - 7pm - they're still not happy, and send me funny comments on Facebook. I'm sorry, but I've worked my arse off to put this together - with help from one other person, that's it, Daniel O'Connor - and I really resent being, basically, spat at like that. Makes me wonder if it's worthwhile, and ask the question why am I doing it.

Of course, the answer is simple - to spend the night with a bunch of people I'm friends with, and enjoy being with. The 8 weeks or so of planning time this has taken up... totally worth it to see them smile one the night.

A regret I have is the fact that a friend can't go. Yes, James Bell has been forced to work the close, and I'm more than a little devestated because I wanted him there with the rest of the team, playing against everybody else. Suppose, mind, somebody has to work the evening and that person, unfortunately, is Mr Bell. Shame.

I hope everybody else enjoys their time as much as I wish them to. There's some objects on that list that they'll find impossible to find... but that's good because the impossible is fun. I think I'll post the scavenger hunt list up online once it's all done and dusted - alongside a report of the evening.

In the meantime, you can read this stream of conscious thought (that I referred to in the last entry) on my Facebook account.

Now, I just wish people would stop moaning at me, and about me with regards to this staff event. Come on guys and gals, give me a little bit of a break, won't you?

Play Nice

2009-11-16T23:50:00.002Z

I'm currently midway through typing up a stream of conscious thought essay that I wrote way back in March of this year, and it's quite surprising just how badly I behaved. It was during the production of the second year short film Tit-4-Tat and for the most of it I seem at odds with the rest of the production team, falling out with them at every opportunity:

Daniel, the original writer, was given the chance to rewrite some of what he’d originally written but I always knew that his changes would then be changed by myself during one of my own rewrites, no matter their quality. I’d have dismissed them for exactly that reason, they weren’t MY ideas.

What a bastard! I know they say the truth hurts, but... Ouch.

Of course the snobbery on display there caused friction within the group, and it's no wonder everybody turned on me is it, with comments like that? You can't go into a group exercise thinking that you're better than your team mates, because ultimately they'll prove you wrong - and not only will you hate them for it, but you'll learn to despise yourself, also.

I think the experience changed me, because during our showing of the film we were absolutely slated, by not only our tutor but fellow classmates too. Rightly so! What we produced was a shoddy drama that made no coherent sense, and featured no particularly memorable actors or locations. It was a mighty failure; the first of my media career. It probably knocked e down a peg or too - ensuring that after a few years of them being too big, the boots finally started fitting again.

I'll post more from the essay on this blog and my Facebook page when it's complete.

***

One week to go (until the scavenger hunt)!! Yes, can't wait! Final preperations are being made right now. Infact I spent two hours today at a laminator, laminating 25 copies of the scavenger hunt list - cost me a bloody bomb too! But it'll all be worth the effort on the actual night, when we're all there in Manchester as a team, having a blast.

Woo!

(Let's just hope the managers at work don't cock the rota up and let ample enough people have the night off...)

The End in Sight

2009-11-14T16:03:00.000Z

It's quite alarming to think that I only have around six months left in university, because I've started to realise just how huge the occassion is. For the first time in my life I'll be out of education completely, making my own way in the world - and that means it's time to start to put into practice what I've been preparing for over the course of the last 18 years of schooling.

Now that the end is in sight I've noticed a change in my behaviour. I'm just not putting as much effort into uni as I should; I'm beginning to slack off.

Take my Writing For Radio module. I'm supposed to have produced a pitch document, and have it submitted to mark next week. So far... nothing. Same with my screenplay - the synopsis is complete, yes, but there's nothing else been done. It's like I think this close to the end I can afford to stop... when the reality is, with 6 months to go I still have a Hell of a lot of work left to do. More importantly, it's this work that will detirmine my end results - so if the slacking continues, I will most definitely fail.

This close to the end, I think that'd kill me if it happened. So yes, I need to buck my ideas up and get the work done. Stop wasting time on things that can wait until uni is over... because I'll only regret what could have been in a year's time if I don't make it so while I still have the chance:

Now.

***

Oh, you wouldn't believe just how much I'm looking forward to tomorrow's episode of Doctor Who. Man, it's been a long wait! Tying in quite nicely with my above statements, David Tennant's time on the show is drawing to a close and it'll be sad sitting down with Dad tomorrow to watch one of his last ever episodes in the role.

Still... bring on The Waters of Mars, and the Christmas Specials - and let's play the regeneration game!!

Best Friend Forever

2009-11-12T23:25:00.000Z

It's curious: I hate one of my closest friends, and he me - some of the time. The rest of it we get along famously... it's just those instances where he says something to me that rattles me, or then my reply which usually rubs him up the wrong way. At the same it's both highly amusing and damn right tragic that two friends such act like this.

I don't know why it happens. Perhaps I take a perverse pleasure in seeing him slurm and arguing with him (I do, you know)? Perhaps we're just chalk and cheese when it comes to certain matters - the rest of the time we're just double chalk, or especially cheesy? Like most questions posed on this blog I DON'T HAVE THE ANSWER! But still... heavily curious.

Recently I spent a dozen or so hours with my friend, in the space of just one day. Yes, for most of that it was plain sailing - but still, the cracks were there, and they're probably growing and growing that much that soon they'll be visible from space.

Things we've argued over recently: Jobs, girls, trust issues. The usual, you know? Very petty things but it demonstrates just how different the two of us can be - and it leaves me asking the question, if this guy is one of my closest friends, am I in trouble?!

I mean considering all we disagree on, and how many arguements that leads to between the two of us (full-on, in your face style word fights, too) is his friendship good for my health... mental health, that is. I dunno, to be perfectly frank - maybe it all boils down to something a girl once said to me, when I asked her why she was still with a boyfriend who she confessed she had no real feelings for. She said, and it may apply here:

"I'm just waiting for something bigger and better to come along"

Is that what I'm doing? Biding time until my real friends make themselves known to?

Tell you what, seen as though I clearly don't have the answer why don't I throw it open to you guys and gals reading? You there, my humble friend what do you think?

Oh. My. God. I can't believe you just said that. You're wrong/I'm right/Rubbish friend/Yada yada yada...

Or words to that effect.

Fashionably Late (Totally Worth It)

2009-11-10T00:39:00.003Z

Do me a favour and close your eyes. Now imagine yourself inside a giant office, and everywhere you look there are filing cabinets. Literally, they cover the space - meaning there is no room for anything but damn filing cabinets. Now go over to one and open it, then peak inside. It is not how you would imagine it to be. There has been no alphabetic/numeric catalogisation, or any other logical distinction made between what has been filed. It is without order; a chaotic mess of paperwork, of mass filing cabinet proportions.

That's what my mind is like when it comes to story ideas. I'll happily sit on the bus and think them up, but more often than not these ideas are just stored away inside these mental filing cabinets - and I've no idea where I've then put them when I need them. Or worse, they cross polinate with other ideas, and sprout a life all of their own.

Today I tried to do a little spring cleaning within this mental space, by exercising those ideas no longer needed, or out of date, or just plain dumb.

I've revisited the Deborah project, which I've been jabbering on about for the better half of two years now. Well, progress - at last! The thing has a firm structure in place, and quite astonishingly I think it's better on paper than it ever was in my head. Normally what happens is an idea gets lost in translation, and it ends up reading as some sort of bastard child of the original idea after it's written down. Not this time!!

The story of Deborah remains the same, but the means by which it comes about has changed. Instead of one long 20 minute short film I'm now plumping for a series of four, maybe five, 10 minute installments - which I'll then film and put up online (Doctor Horrible style) and added together the parts tell the entire story of Deborah - that I originally had way back when.

Also pulled out of the drawers was my plans for The Blaze. It's gone through somewhat of a transformation recently, because what the university wants from the project has changed. It's now a 6 part weekly drama, told in 5 minute segments. There's the option for more of course, but for now those 6 episodes are our story...

Here's the plan for episode one - understand why I can't/won't share information on the rest of the episodes, won't you?

Episode One: It's 15 minutes until deadline! Roz Price is editor of the university student newspaper, The Blaze. She's a busy woman, especially today which is why she hasn't got time to meet the paper's latest recruit, Darren Harvey. However, Darren doesn't take too kindly to being ignored, and finds his own way up to the newsroom where he comes face to face with Roz, who will have to accept that Darren has a place on the team. After all, he is the son of the man who's business sponsors it...

I'm telling you, I'll be damn relieved when this first episode is written and produced. It feels like I've been writing it all year! (Well, I kinda have...) I'm stuck, like an LP. Will be nice to get un-stuck again, and move onto episode two.

Aside from that...

I also found time to write a few pages of one of my comic series today. It's a rare treat when I get to write them, because I only get one or two issues a year complete now. Hopefully this shepherds a new start for that... maybe... I think...

What's been best about dusting down these old ideas of mine is just how reinvigorated it has left me. Seriously, I can't wait to tuck into my next script - hell, it's why I jumped straight back on my laptop to write this. It's been fun, fun, fun!

Maybe sometimes it's worth storing ideas away for long periods of time, if it means that when you do revisit them you face them with a passion that you haven't seen for such a long time? I mean, I've had 2 years to produce Deborah... and so it's a little late, but I bet the thing we end up making now is ten times as good as what we could have made back then.

You see, ideas bubble and stew inside the mind. Those filing cabinets, they take up a lot of room and they're not very organised... but boy, do they protect my ideas and let them grow.

Deborah. The Blaze. Assassin.

All fashionably late, having spent the last x amount of days/months/years inside my head.

But you know what? Totally worth it.

***

Finally made a start watching my Blu-Ray of HBO's True Blood. So far we're one episode down... and loving it! Although the lead actress does have very distracting teeth (and no, she's not one of the vamps!!) Hmm, don't quite know what to class it as yet mind, 'cos it's funny, scary and all kinds of sexy. Oh, and by sexy I mean puesdo-pornographic.

Well, it is HBO.

They Call It British

2009-11-08T23:03:00.003Z

I happened to catch today's episode of the BBC's Points of View, where the Head of Drama Commissioning (for the BBC) was interviewed, and expressed his opinions on all things British Drama. For most of what he said, he was entirely wrong.

He supports soap operas. Okay... okay... that I can just about take. Yeah, sure, they are the lowest common denominator scripted drama going but every now and then they touch on issues that need addressing, in the 'comforts' of a very domestic setting. What does annoy me is the fact that:

a) not only does the corporation produce Eastenders & Doctors (both of which wear their soap opera status proudly) but they create 'stealth' soaps, like Holby City or Waterloo Road, that pretend to be dramas that mean something... but really, ain't. They're extensions of these other soap operas, exploting sensational crisis points and cheap storytelling.

When we say the UK doesn't produce anything up to the standards of The Wire or The Sopranos, we're wrong because we do. It's shows like Torchwood: Children of Earth, or The Street. We make such sweeping statements, because fantastic dramas such as these are hidden far, far underneath a much bigger pile of trashy soaps and throwaway soap-dramas.

Then there's point b) - the fact that 35% of the BBC's allocated drama budget is being spent on producing these shows. That's probably around a quarter of the entire money being pumped into UK television dramas - now that ITV and Channel 4 are spending less and less on commissioning drama. 35% on soaps, or soap-like series. Think about that.

When was the last time you watched an episode of Eastenders from 1992 on DVD? Or any other soap? Answer, never. These are throwaway pieces, made for mass entertainment once only. Once they're broadcast... that's the end of it. That particular episode is done and dusted... it's not sold on DVD, or shown again two, three, four years later like Spooks or Doctor Who is.

We're spending our money on a once-only investment. Shouldn't we be making programmes that last; that future generations sit down and watch? Otherwise, what's our legacy?

I've no problems what-so-ever with another of the statements made on Points of View, that there's too much programming for women. Whoever thinks that... oh, they can bugger off. Fact is, there's not enough programming for women on TV - well, at least decent programming. Perhaps we need more programmes that men and women, and children, can sit down and watch together, but that's another matter entirely.

Honestly, British television is still producing shows as good as - if not better than! - the likes of Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy, or GBH, or The Prisoner. Look at Queer as Folk, or Bodies, or any of a long list of dramas from the last ten years. There's just more television floating out right now, on a hundred plus digital channels, so you just need to know where to look.

BBC One is a good start, and so is Channel Four. Please, don't let the likes of the soaps or their pale copy cats put you off - Great British drama can still be great British drama. We just need to educate the people in charge, and cross our fingers that they listen.

Remember Remember the Sixth of November

2009-11-06T22:52:00.000Z

Sometimes you do things and they just... fail. Can't be helped. Last night was one of those instances, where I tried to arrange a mini-gathering of people from work, in the hope of heading on out to a Bonfire celebration somewhere. In the end though, practically everything that could go wrong went wrong, and the night was - frankly - a bit of a diaster!

Firstly, nobody turned up. There was a bout half a dozen of us, and that's it. This is despite around two thirds of the staff getting the night off, and being able (if they had so wanted) to turn up.

On top of that, it was throwing it down with rain - so that the fields of our chosen venue - Heaton Park - turned to mud. Which ruined my favourite pair of converses. Darn.

Also, the actual Bonfire and Fireworks display... Well, it left a lot to be desired, and let's just leave it at that, hey? Honestly, we were only there about 20 minutes before it was all over, and time to go back home!

To be honest the evening was a little experiment on my behalf, to see if a staff event could organise itself into existence... It can't! There's always got to be that one person, or core group of people, at the heart of it - planning and working hard to bring it all together.

Next up later in the month we have a scavenger hunt around Manchester city centre. I made the list up with a friend and colleague, Dan O'Connor, and I'm very proud of it! And no, you can't have any clues as to what is on it - just in case a sneaky Mr James Bell is reading and hopes that he can get advance clues. Sorry mate, no. Just, no!

After that... the staff Christmas party!! I feel so relieved because after months of fretting about it, I finally have it booked! And now that's been done, I can start to organise the thing properly. We have an awards ceremony taking place during it, and a 50 question film quiz. Also, they'll be a buffet that needs buying, making up, etc. - oh, and a Secret Santa too!

For it, I'm trying to get as many staff involved as possible, to make it a true 'staff' event - by the staff, for the staff. Plus, plus! Team work. T'is what it's all about.

Oh, I'm so excited about both the scavenger hunt and the party - both should be pretty, pretty amazing. No doubt I'll keep you all posted on this here blog of mine with regards as to how it all goes. Fingers crossed!!

The Body in the Suitcase

2009-11-04T22:58:00.001Z

I'm having a lot of fun developing an idea for my Screenwriting C class at university. Basically I have to come up with the treatment for a feature length script, and after suffering a mild case of writer's block (or panic, as is more accurate in my case, knowing I had mere weeks to come up with something satisfactory) I soon stumbled across an idea I like.

It's called The Body in the Suitcase, and I suppose it is a murder-mystery of sorts. Ooh, fancy - I've never wrote for tha particular genre before. It's great fun trying to piece it all together, trying to work out motives, and how to implant clues for the audience to pick up on whilst watching.

But enough of me waffling on abaout that! You want to know what the idea actually is, don't you? Yes, I can tell! Well here goes, amigos:

It's the story of 40-something criminal profiler Elliot Tickle, who is asked to investigate a recent murder, where a young gay man was - firstly - brutally raped, then killed and finally had his body carved up and dumped in a suitcase at the end of a street. Elliot is reluctant to help solve the case - because it brings back painful memories of his past... way back in 1979... a past he might never be able to escape.

Not if his father has anything to do with it.

What is interesting is how the film travels through many different temporal periods, and by the climax all the stories told within have converged together, allowing the audience to fully understand - at last! - the story being told to them. I don't know how I've done it, but it might well be the cleverest thing I've ever planned! It's of the Steven Moffat school of thinking.

My tutor Justin read over the plans at lunch and liked pretty much everything he saw, which is a positive sign. Although, saying that, tutor's advice seems more and more irrelevant nowadays, because I have confidence in what I'm doing, mixed in with some genuine talent and understanding. I'm becoming used to the writing process, and that makes it seem second nature to me.

Hopefully I'll expand upon the film's synopsis asap, and fill it out into treatment length. Then, and only then, will they let me write this idea up as a script next semester... as my final year dissertation. That makes me a nervous chappy, oh yes indeedy it does.

***

Finally booked the staff Christmas party. Phew! Feels like a weight has lifted off my shoulders. No longer have to worry if we'll get anywhere booked in time - now I'm just going to stress about it all coming together in time! Wish me luck.

Puppy Dog Lucy

2009-11-02T23:22:00.000Z

Anybody who follows this strange little blog of mine will know that my little sister recently grew up somewhat, moved out the house, got herself a boyfriend and a serious job - and now, to cap it all off, she has bought her own little puppy called Lucy.

What you won't be aware of is the fact that Lucy has been somewhat unwell. Yes, at first it started out as something of a mild stomach upset but eventually turned into something far nastier and potentially life threatening.

I got back from visiting my Dad's house yesterday, and within minutes I had a hysterical phone call from my sister Donna - in tears, sobbing for me to get Mum. So, as fast as I could I charged around the house looking for her, found her and passed Donna onto her. There, I stood watching Mum have a conversation with her - the panic showing on Mum's face as she listened to what Donna had to say.

It turned out that the puppy had been throwing up, and had lapsed so greatly that it had started to fit. At which point Donna phoned - and me and Mum, knowing the creature would have to get to the vets ASAP rushed out to help.

Lucy finally got there about an hour later - after we all got lost finding the place. Naturally, she had to fall ill on a Sunday - the one day that 99.9% of vet surgeries are closed, so we had to drive deep into Salford... into Warmsley even... to find a place open.

They kept her in all night, and put her on fluids and kept her on observation. At one point it was touched and go, because if she'd had had any more fits, then the risk of brain damage would have rose severely. There was also the danger that the troubles might have stemmed from her Liver, hinting that it might be failing, in which case the best possible action (and the most humane) would have been to put her down.

Thankfully, it wasn't her Liver, and she suffered no more fits meaning she was well enough to be discharged today. Donna and her boyfriend Phil went to pick her up, and you should have seen her face when she was reunited with her little doggy! It's funny how attached we become to these animals, isn't it?

I know that the whole 'crisis' led me to look at my own dog Willow in a different light, because sometime I - we, as a family - take her for granted a little, just because she's there. But after all this, I reminded of how much the dog means to me, how attached we all are to her, and how I'd hate anything to happen to her.

***

Fallen waaaaay behind on uni work. Shall have to pull an all nighter to get my movie synopsis completed, I think. Damn. I need as much beauty sleep as I can get! :P

All Hallows' Eve

2009-10-31T23:48:00.003Z

I always find Halloween a very peculiar - but enjoyable! - experience. It's the one day of the year where perfectly sane people, not at all emotionally unbalenced folk, embrace the macabre and the gothic. If you were to do that at any other point in the year people would label you a Goth, or Emo, or whatever the current labelling is.

It seems to rotate around - one year people make a big effort with it all, decorating their homes or work places, and the next... nothing. They seem to ignore it. This year, luckily, people found their sense of fun again and got into the spirit of things.

Work was dressed up to look all spooky and haunting. A couple of the guys and gals placed fake gravestones everywhere (on which I wrote "Anthony's Dignity - Died 2007"!!) and some of them even came dressed in costumes. From witches, to convicted criminals, to Shaun of Shaun of the Dead fame... they all got into the moment, and were splendid!

For some strange reason I was given the night off of work. When I found this out, that not only had they given me a Saturday night off but it being Halloween Saturday, my jaw hit the floor! It meant I could attend the fancy dress party that my sister Donna was throwing. Alas, I had no costume... but still, a willingness to drink!

Donna moved into a new home in Blakely about three or four months ago, so in effect it was a wee house-warming - a chance to show it all off to friends and family. On top of that she has a new puppy called Lucy. I think I've mentioned it on here before - she's a cross between a Jack Russell and a Chihuahua, and around 10 weeks old. Also, gorgeous. If I could sneak her under my coat and nab her, i would. Alas, my sister, wouldn't have been all too happy if I did...

Interestingly, both Mum and Dad were there. It's rare that they're both at a function together at the same time. Mostly because they divorced like over 10 years ago. It's always awkward, because Mum says things about Dad and vicea versa, and I'm caught in the middle. Luckily, I think both parties escaped unscathed tonight, although Mum had a few drunken antics before we left - telling Donna's boyfriend how lucky he is to have as fabulous a girl as my sister.

I'm now back at home, after the killjoys... sorry, my Dad and step-mum left the party early. They're downstairs with my Auntie Ivy and her husband Martin, drinking wine, being loud and only getting louder because they're DRUNK. Oops.

So yeah, it's been a bit of a fun day. Was great having a day shift at work, getting to talk to all the kids who were in costume, or excited about it all. After all, Halloween is for them - long may those trick or treats continue, and long may the kids enjoy giving or receiving them!

C.B.A.

2009-10-29T23:42:00.000Z

You know, I've been writing this blog since 2006 (back when it was still Timespotters... oh, those were the days!) and I still have no idea what I'm doing. No, seriously!

Almost four years on, and I've no idea what this is all for. Is it a social commentary on the world, as seen through the eyes of me? Or is it a diary of my day-to-day life? Can it be a stream of conscious thought? Or is it merely a manipulation of my emotions; a staged writing that feeds into what you, the reader, want to see from me?

Honest, I don't know.

I guess it's the reason why this blog is so bi-polar in approach - mind-boggingly funny one minute, heartbreakingly sad the next, and finally in uproar with anger. It's because I don't know what I'm trying to say, and that results in me trying on every different style of writing, hoping that one fits.

Still, four years later that's not really getting me far! I'm supposed to have adjusted now, and settled into proceedings. That I haven't is probably the main failing of all this. Yes, I'm writing it on a regular basis, and yes people are reading - but what?

I had this same problem with another blog, SARAH-JANE.tv too. For so long it lived in the shadow on the site it span-out of, TORCHWOOD.tv - but that was dedicated to the adult side of the Doctor Who universe, and Sarah Jane was the complete opposite, for kids. I tried and tried to pitch it as a kid's blog, and it just wasn't working. I tried to make it adult like TW.tv, and that was... a big mess. Nobody liked it. In the end, I stuck with it, and the site found its own feet - as a fansite, by fans and for fans (no matter how geeky!). It became a great service to those reading up - mostly because it wasn't playing up to what it wasn't anymore, but embracing what it was.

So --- what are these random blog posts on mine?

That's the problem. I don't know.

Let's agree to a manifest right here and now, hey? I'm going to list qualities that I would like to see in a site - and make a promise that these qualities I'll bring onto this blog. Ok?

1: Honesty. Always be honest about whatever, or whoever, you're talking about.
2: Be experimental. Try new things. Always fun.
3: Snappy writing. Yeah, it's great! And again, always fun.
4: Be fun. Always. Kinda a reaccuring theme here, hey?
5: Ask questions, even if you have no idea of the answer.
6: Don't always feel the need to answer questions posed. Be a bit of an enigma!
7: Pictures. They're pretty.
8: Be subtle! Not all writings demonstrate immediately obvious morals.
9: Be accurate. Dont mispell words ot grammer ;)
10: Stop using emoticons - see point 8 about reasons why.
11: Understand that once it's 'out-there' the reader owns the text, not you.
12: Stop caring about reactions. It is what it is.
13: Regular updates. But... ouch, my fingers. Oh, the typing!!

Brain can't think of anything else. Hmm... there must be more?!

Anyhoo, I promise to follow those 13 rules of blogging from this day forward, forever and ever, cross my heart and hope to--

I'm feeling pumped up already, like I've freed myself up in some way. Perhaps that's all I needed, a wee bit of redirection? Yes?

That sorted, I should be off to bed. Busy day ahead of me tomorrow. I've a three page movie synopsis to write and hand in, and then I'm off to watch a play at the Bolton Octagon. It's Ibsen's Ghosts. I've no idea what it's about really, I just pretend I do because it's Ibsen and his name sounds important... and besides, I've heard other important people discuss him in the past, so there. Ibsen=good and I can't ever question it.

Night night.

Definitions

2009-10-27T21:43:00.002Z

What sort of writer am I? That's the question I ask myself every other day, in an attempt to somehow define myself - because self definition, studying one's own identity, is the first step in a much longer process: knowing who I am, what I want and how exactly I'm going to get it.

First off, that question again... what sort of writer am I? Well, let's look at me as a person before we even attempt to define me as a writer. I'm a somewhat neurotic twenty year old, who worries a little bit too much about the little things in life that might (but probably won't) go wrong. It means I'm overly serious, most of the time.

When I do try to crack a smile it's more often than not a forced joke (one I know isn't really funny, but for the sake of telling it have to pretend it is). I'm not a naturally funny person - sure, as friends might observe funny and often hilarious things happen to me, but I have no say in the matter. When I do try to be funny, it all goes horribly wrong.

This is obviously at conflict with my next point, what do I want my scripts to do? Well, really, to entertain. I want the audience to go away from my scripts having maybe laughed and cried during their viewing experience. Drama should be a rounded experience that draws upon every aspect of human life - not just the talky parts, or the action, or the comedy. Everything! Using it all really opens up a text; it creates a world that the viewer can live within, even if only for the space of two hours.

Of course, I'm not a funny guy. My scripts are wounded by this. Often the comedy written within them is about as funny as Gordon Brown making his latest Commons Speak - ergo, not funny in the slightest (creepy, more than anything!). Without the comedy, my work is often very dour and the characters downtrodden. It doesn't make for the most comfortable, or entertaining, viewing.

That's not to say I'm not a good writer. Sure I am; I can piece together stories in a logical manner, and create exciting worlds and people. But it's ot enough, you know, without the comedy. It's needed, to round things out, and as a writer I should work on my sense of humour somewhat and hope it transferes to the page.

Haha, I'm also a very lazy writer. Honest, I am. If I can delay something... boy, will I. Look at The Blaze - I'm supposed to have had episode one completed MONTHS ago now and still... nada. It's not that I don't want to have written it, or don't intend to... it's just that putting that pen to paper, or those fingers to the keyboard, well, I find it the hardest experience in the world - and so I choose to do easier things, because it sort of let's me off with the hard stuff.

I guess that means I'm not very reliable. Oh dear. I should really make more of an effort, especially this early in my maybe-career.

Anyhoo, I'm sat here writing all this, and it just struck me... I'm bored of talking about it all: what I am, what I'm not. I should really just close my eyes, countdown from ten and during it tell myself not to give a flying fork about it all. I am who I am, no escaping that.

So yeah, I'm going to stop discussing it now and go away and do some actual writing. Maybe plan some more of The Blaze...

Let that define me, cos really I just don't have the energy to over-think things in my head anymore.

That Was The Week That Was

2009-10-25T23:58:00.004Z

Sometimes it's fun to take a moment or too and reflect upon recent memories. Of course, I do that all the time on this old blog of mine, but today I thought I'd do something a little different and discuss the ups and downs of the past week, as seen through my eyes...

Most Entertaining Day

Definitely Saturday. Me and fellow SARAH-JANE.tv writer Nabu San were invited down to Liverpool as VIPs, for a very special screening of CBBC's The Sarah Jane Adventures. Not only did we get to see an episode of the show on the big screen - guest starring David Tennant no less! - but we got to mingle with Judoon, K9 the robot dog, and not to mention the show's cast!

Now, I'm use to seeing famous people by now. I've met a handful at university - like Paul Abbott last year - or at other media events I've attended. I'm not supposed to get excited and act all fanboy around them. It isn't very professional, is it? So I guess Daniel Anthony and Tommy Knight appreciated me coming to talk to them, and treating them not as mega stars but as average folk. They signed a picture dedicatd to my website, and off I trottered.

Was great afterwards spending time with some of the other fans. We sat in a random pub, just talking for about an hour and a half. Oh, how I love being around like minded people! Normally people aren't interested in whatever it is I'm wittering on about, so t'was great talking to people who listened carefully to everything I had to say. I felt loved amongst the geeks!

After the trip to Liverpool was over, I went home and watched half of the film Duel with my Dad, eating pizza and garlic bread as we went. But by this point, I was absolutely shattered and couldn't hold on any longer, and accepted defeat by going up to bed.

Lucky thing I had an extra hours sleep that night!

Most Frustrating Day

Wednesday, by far. Had to miss another of my Writing For Radio classes because of work. My lecturer Les Smith is going to be soooo pissed at me for it. Suppose it's my own fault, though. I've known for 3 weeks now that university has changed my hours, and I can no longer work Wednesday evenings - but I left it too late to tell the managers at work, so they went and planned the rota thinking I was still available to work.

Normally I'd get somebody else to cover my ass, but this time nobody was able to. It meant I had to go in and do the shift for me. Bad times. Yet, worse was still to come.

I'm a fan of the Saw films, and working at a cinema you'd think I'd get to watch the staff showing every year of the latest installment. How wrong you'd be! In the years I've been at the cinema, they've never once had a staff showing I was able to attend - either because the print hadn't shown up on time to organise one, or I was on shift. This year? No different.

The excuse this time was that the guys and gals there organised a showing off the whim, and watched Saw VI on Tuesday night - of course, not telling me so I didn't show. I got into work Wednesday, still pissed that nobody would cover for me, and found out the bombshell that people had seen the film already. The curse of me and the Saw films at staff showings!

(It was alright in the end; they put it back on after Thursday's staff showing for anybody that missed it two nights earlier. Curse lifted? Relief!)

Laziest Day

Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday. Didn't even wake to late - and just sat on my bed, browsing websites on my laptop and popping downstairs for food only, or to watch the occassional episode of Fringe with Mum. I could have spent it writing The Blaze or 101 other things, but of course, I didn't. Now, with the workload piling, I'm regretting that decision!!

Doctor Who Day

I watched/listened to the entire Doctor Who adventure The Celestial Toymaker on Thursday. That's 90 minutes of pure, unadulterated 'Who action! Before, during and after that I also found time to write another three entries for my SARAH-JANE.tv blog - obsessing over the official stats regarding how many people were reading the site that day, too.

At half four, I watched The Mad Woman in the Attic - Part One on the telly. What a classy adventure! My love for the SJA flourishes once more (after a crappy second series).

The Good Boy Day

Oh, Monday, how you tested me!

Went to visit my Nan today, and like always found it a somewhat painful experience. Don't get me wrong, I love her to bits - but it's just horrible stuck in that house of her's, because she's too ill (and now depressed) to leave. I try to visit her every week, because yeah I love her, but I suppose in a way it clears my conscience.

Later on, I was so tempted to buy the 24 Season 7 Blu-Ray collection, but that voice in the back of my head told me not to and plump for the plain old DVD instead. Ultimately I did - and it saved me over £20. At the end of the day, I'm still happy - mostly because I refuse to pay £20 extra for a Blu-Ray. It's just a fancy DVD anyways!!

That evening I did something quite noble - and let Mum watch what she wanted to watch on TV. We were part way through the latest episode of Flashforward on Five when I noticed how bored Mum was by it all (that series is going NOWHERE!) so I asked her what she'd want to watch instead. She chose the Robbie Coltrane drama on ITV. Which ended up being about a zillion times more interesting than Flashforward anyways.

Wish I'd seen that one coming..!

Other mentions:

Thursday - happy, Saw VI at last!
Friday - relieved, early finish at work!
Sunday - full up, Pizza Hut for dinner!

More from me this week, and every week.

"Oh damn," I hear you reply.

Who Am I (& Who Are YOU)?!

2009-10-23T23:59:00.000+01:00

Funny thought: There's people reading this right now that probably don't even know me. They've found this blog through any one of the other sites I right for (most probably TORCHWOOD.tv) or they read this through a friend of a friend on Facebook, where my posts are redirected to once they've gone live.

*Cough, cough... Becca Dowling*

Yes Miss Dowling, and your friend who - by all accounts - catches up with my life on a regular basis through my Facebook notes that you, as my friend, have access to.

I've never met Miss Dowling's friend (hello!) so it's strange to think that all of the judgements she's made about me already are through what I've wrote here. Depending upon how she interprets my writing styles, she either views me as egotistical, neurotic, a boy genius, crazy, lazy, happy or sad. Perhaps lots of other things, too. But I wonder how close to the truth they are - does this one girl I've never ever met have a better understanding of the inner-workings of my mind than my closest friends, who I speak to on a regular basis, but rarely open up to as deeply as I do here? Hmm...

I suppose all writers go through this feeling of... surreality, knowing that an unknown person has access to their created worlds and fiction. Here on this blog, my mind is open for others to read and decide upon. Guess I willingly let that happen, by firstly writing my thoughts down on a piblic blog and secondly, by reposting that stuff on Facebook. I'm aware that others are bound to read up on me and make snap judgements, in the same way that if I was television writer Russell T Davies, say, I'd know that millions of people at home would judge me on my scripted television output. I make the choice to post online, so should live with anything that may come out of it as a result.

Of course, for the most part it's the work (not the person) that the audience feels drawn to. No doubt Becca's friend feels a connection with my anxities, or whatever else. It's clearly not *me* that's got her reading this blog - because realistically, I'm just an average 20 year old guy; in what way do I stand out to people I've never met? Of course it's the words on screen she's connected to. Has to be. Yeah?

Anyhoo I don't care if others do or don't read this. For the most part I write it because my brain wants to create things, any 'thing', through the medium of words. I don't really stop to worry what others might think of it all. It's the reason why Ryan Whittaker can bugger off, complaining and laughing at a previous post of mine. Nothing to do with him. This is my blog; my plaything, and on here I can do anything, anything at all. You just watch me.

If you're a reader and we've never met, thanks for taking the time to read all this. I hope it makes you feel something reading these posts of mine - whatever the feeling is. If it does, then that's my job done. Happy/sad (confused or otherwise) reading!

***

Off to Liverpool tomorrow for the press screening of The Sarah Jane Adventures. Honestly, I can't wait!! Shall post my reaction to it all when I'm back and next online.

I'm due to get the train early tomorrow morning. Hopefully I'll be awake enough to catch it. I say that because it's now a quarter to four in the morning, and I'm still writing - meant to have something up online hours ago, before work, but I plain forgot.

Shall think about my scripts on the train down there. Always good to think things through on buses or trains, I find.

Till next time!

Jack Porter -- Question Master

2009-10-21T23:43:00.000+01:00

My mind has gone blank. Honestly, writing this blog every other day for 2 whole months seems to have zapped my creative blog writing juices. I'm finding it harder and harder to find things to talk about... which isn't a good sign! So, sad and desperate (and more than a little late with this article) I turn to my friend Jack Porter for a little assistance. He's kindly agreed to quiz me; by asking some questions he's always wanted to see me answer.

Happy now Porter?! You better be...!

#1 What is your favourite colour?
Hmmm... is it possible that I dont't actually have a favourite colour? I mean, I'm more attracted to the blues and greens of the world, but they're not exactly faves of mine. They just hurt the eye a little bit less than, say, bright pink or yellow. Then again, I do like red... if I absolutely positively had to choose, I'd say maroon. It feels very autumnal; a decaying leaf about to fall off the tree. It seems like the perfect choice therefore of somebody who's borderline depressive, and feeling that they're about to fall off the tree any day now.

#2 What is your set goal for the next 12 months
Well, firstly to complete university. Not spent the last 2+ years there for nothing, you know! Aside from that, it's probably just to make my radio soap The Blaze, and if possible, to write and produce a short film also would be the cherry on top of the icing, on top of the cake!

#3 Who is your favourite director #4 film #5 actor #6 actress
Just one Director? I can't pick just one! I could sit and watch any Hitchcock, Speilberg or Scorsese film all day. Of course, I own like 95% of all of Alfred Hitchcock's films on DVD - so he wins just cossa that. As for an actor/actress, it all depends on the show or film, man! A great actor in film A, might be absolutely shite in film B. Right now I'm midway through the early days of ER, and think that Clooney is a God. Also Lance Reddick of The Wire (& now Fringe) fame. He's just amazing in everything he appears in. As for a female to add to the list... Mary McDonnell is phenomenal in Battlestar Galactica. It's interesting... it took me a long thing to think up a best actress. Could it be that I don't invest as heavily in the females I see up on screen as much as I do their male equivilants?

#7 Which person would you most like to emulate in your lifetime?
God. I hear he did one hell of a job (only different people seem to tell me very different stories about what he got up to...). If we take our almighty celestial beings, then honestly I don't know. They say you should emulate the best... but trouble is, what if you don't quite match their potential? You're buggered, really. So I'm gonna say I'll emulate the very worst of mankind - cos at least that way, I'm bound to come away looking better than I should. Failing that... Well, through my poor jests, I think you're getting the overall picture: I don't really want to emulate anybody. Just wanna be myself, Anthony the individual.

#8 What did you do today?
Went into university for my scriptwriting class, and I think (!) I've finally worked out my idea for a new feature length screenplay. So that's exciting. Afterwards a group of us met to try and organise the end of year degree show, which'll take place next June. We came up with some good ideas actually - we're thinking of having the theme of That's Entertainment! and have it revolve around classical Hollywood and its stars. Also... work. 5/Close at the cinema. On Ben and Jerry's. Not good. A girl insulted my eyebrows, saying they're massively above average size. I wasn't impressed. My feelings... hurt.

#9Did you enjoy it?
The namecalling? Yeah... I loved it... not. Aside from that, yeah, a decent enough day. Pretty excited because it feels like I've got the ball rolling on a number of things - the screenplay, the degree show, and I've worked out what's wrong with the pilot episode of The Blaze and what needs changing. So, hurrah!

#10 Who was the most memorable person you met today?
My lecturer Justin, who's not only a funny (Canadian) guy, but he's very clever too and I respect any opinion he might have about film. You don't know what it's like - well, mostly a relief really - to FINALLY have a film tutor again like that. First couple of years here at uni, I couldn't give a toss what my overly opinionated lecturers had to say. Justin's different. He's a nice guy and very down to Earth... and knows how to use potential he might see. Also, Canadian. His accent? We all love it!

#11 What really fucking irritates you?
Oh, everything! After a few bad break-ups and taking most things out on the world around me, it's kinda stuck now. Any opportunity I get to be a grumpy Larry David-type, I'll take it up. One of my most recent pet hates? People who say "bless you" after I sneeze. I'm not in the tiniest bit religios. Stop it!! I don't need you being all crazy and speaking to non-God for me, and asking him to forgive one of my actions. Stupid people also fucking rattle me up. They're that empty headed, you can't even take solice out of name calling them; because they have no effing idea what you're saying. Or just don't care. Argh!!

#12 What is (or are) your favorite book(s)
Gotta be Lord of the Flies on the fiction side of things (it's good vs. evil - symbolism overload, in a story so well told) and The Writer's Tale by Russell T Davies with regards to non-fiction work. He's crafted a beautiful bible of the writer's mind, and I can relate to so much of it.

#13 When were you most happy in your life?
Fave quote: "That's the thing about golden ages - you're never sure of one until after it's over and you look back in reflection" Even though my life is good right now, I probably don't realise it - and won't, until the next chapter begins. I look back at all the others I've lived through, and tere's definitely favourites there. At the mo, I'd probably say college - because I was finding doing what I'd always wanted to do (Film Studies), I had the girl of my dreams and an array of friends to boot. Also, money. Always good.

#14 What do you think I could do to improve myself?
Honestly, I don't see you or speak to you enough to answer this. You've evolved massively as a person since the last time we were in regular contact, that it's impossible for me to judge you based off of old memories I have of you anymore.

#15What did you feel like when you were in love?
Like it'd last forever, and that made me feel safe. I guess in the long run, that feeling of being safe made me lazy, and therefore vulnerable... for when it all broke down, before eternity was even out, I realised I'd given myself over not to a person, but to a chemical reaction that was forming around in my heart and head.

#16 What is your ultimate destination?
Death. Isn't it everybody's?! Before then, my name of an episode of Doctor Who.

#17 What do you want to achieve tomoro?
To wake up before 10am. To write the pilot episode of The Blaze. To watch a few DVDs. To do lot's of things that, realistically, I know won't ever be done.

#18 What do you wish you could be able to do in your present environment (not career)
Tell customers at work what I really think about them. Walk out of university and never look back. Be promoted at the cinema. Meet a girl, and fall in love. Write a damn good script without interference. Live forever.

#19 When can you come up to visiit me?
Anytime June 2010 onwards I'll be free indefinitely...

#20 What is your favourie Shakespeare play?
I'm not really fit to comment, having only read three or four of his works. I have the complete Shakespeare on my desk infront of me. It's been opened about... ooh, half a dozen times max. I need to commit to reading it, and researching what I find inside. What's your's, and more importantly, why?

End of questions. Phew! I'm knackered now.

Sorry if the answers don't really make sense. I'm too tired to read back over and re-word things. Might do it when I wake in the morning. Key word there, might.

Nightio!

Social Me?

2009-10-19T23:56:00.002+01:00

Growing up, I was that awkward kid you'd usually see sat in the corner of the room whilst the party carried on around him. I can't remember how many times I just... didn't bother. That's because parties scare me - and the people attending them, even more so, because they can do something well which I'm completely and utterly rubbish at: Socialise.

That's why I sit in the corner and avoid all contact with others, because I've grown to accept and appreciate the company of myself, as a bit of a loner. Of course, I'd love to be able to do more with people - mix and mingle in, but I just don't have it in me.

When I try, words fail me and I end up muttering something either incomprehensible, or downright embarrassing. It's even worse when I talk to girls. So I've taught myself to steer clear of it all, by keeping my social skills to a minimum.

Of course, I'm getting better at it, by going out with friends at work and learning those vital social skills, but to be frank I'm still a little rubbish at it! If the conversation steers away from my two comfort zones (that's work, and TV/Film) I get lost, and have no idea what to say. Football? Erm... they kick a ball around, right? Girls? Uh... I'm single - let's not go there. Most other subjects? Right on over my head.

Somehow I think I need to sharpen those social skills of mine - I just don't know how. Advice, anybody? I've tried the method of just throwing myself into the conversation, no matter what it concerns, but then I end up discussing something I know nothing about and look the fool. Oh, and how the others judge me for it! So, yeah... help!

It'd be ideal one day just to sit down, and talk to my closest friends for hours on end about something different you know, save the usual stories or gossip.

***

My sister has a new puppy! It's a crossbreed of (get this!) Jack Russell and a Chihuahua. She's named it Lucy, and at 8 weeks old it's incredibly cute! I'll try and get some pictures and put them up here for the world to see!

Man, I love dogs. One day when I have a place of my own, I'm going to go out and buy myself one. I just love how friendly and loyal they are. They're like an extended member of the family; who never judges you, or shows you anything but love.

I wish more people in my life could be like that, honestly I do.

The Thing I Love About Saturdays...

2009-10-17T16:51:00.002+01:00

..Is just how different each and every one of them is. Any other day of the week and you're sort of stuck following a set schedule of things - whether that's university, or work, or other family commitments. Saturday is the only day, really, that's free of schedule. I can wake up at 11am and honestly have no idea what I'm doing next.

Most of the time I'm visiting my Dad, and at some point in the day we spend an hour or so at my Nan's house. Aside from that... anything's game. We can watch a Saturday afternoon performance at the cinema (the most recent time we did this, the film in question was Woody Harrleson's great Zombieland) or I might just visiting Manchester; have a look around and maybe buy a few comics or DVDs.

Today? Well, I'm in a rush writingt this because I'm about to go out for a meal with the family. Nowhere particularly special, you know, but still. I believe we're heading into Pilsworth to go to a restaurant there, and afterwards I'll head on over to the cinema to begin a 7/Close at the cinema.

Oh, how work has become a major part of my Saturday life! Now, obviously, Saturday is a busy day (if not the busiest...) day of business for a cinema, so it's rare that I ever get the day off - unless I go out of my way and book it off - which is rare. So I break all social rules, and work from 7 o'clock onwards in the evening, until around 2am. This has two effects:

A) I've lost touch with my beloved Saturday night telly.
B) I have no social life. It's... gone. Boo-hoo, etc, etc.

Really though, I don't mind. It's fun working when the cinema is at its busiest peek. Wouldn't have it any other way. Fact is, I won;t be there forever - and when I do leave I'll look back at this point in my life and wish it back. Might as well embrace it now then, whilst I still have it.

Anyhoo, just 'cos it's Saturday I'm extremely busy. Haven't really got the time to write this - infact, I've 'borrowed' five minutes just to sit here and commit to this. So, yeah, please take that as a hint. Shoo! Be gone; nothing more to see here.

Get off your computers, and go enjoy your Saturday!

Alright, Grumpy

2009-10-15T17:30:00.002+01:00

Writing Frank's Apocalypse again has got me thinking about my life in some very interesting ways. The titular character of Frank Mayde is an absolutely ignorant, self-important and grumpy young man - something I'd like to think I'm the polar opposite of, only the more people I describe Frank to, the more I hear "oh, so he's based on you then...?"

Erm... that wasn't my intention!

I've always been known to be a bit of the grumpy side. I'm the sort of guy who'll see something and have this pressing need to then go moan about it. Case in point, yesterday in Aldi with a friend of mine. They had no plain, still water on sale - so I kicked up a massive fuss, moaning about it, and denying my bladder flavoured or sparkling alternatives*. That's a little grumpy, and I recognise that. What I find harder to accept are the other qualities about Frank Mayde that people place upon me.

Really, am I self-important? Hmm, I probably do think about myself with every action I take, but then again, doesn't everybody? I don't do selfish things that would leave me with some sort of advantage over other people. I won't steal somebody's food in the staffroom fridge, for example. Then again, selfish isn't exactly the same sort of thing as being self-important. So, do I consider myself better than other people? Sometimes, yeah. But I like to think that's cancelled out by just how neurotic I become about myself too! Still, I could probably do more and behave in a certain way that doesn't leave people thinking I prize myself more than them...

Finally, the ignorance. Now this one I really do protest! I'm an eyes-wide open sort of guy. I'm aware of everything everybody around me is up to, or try to be. I try to be sensitive too to what you might be feeling. Also, I like learning about new people and new things. How can somebody like that ever be considered ignorant to the world around them?!

Maybe it's just people don't understand me when they compare me to Frank. Maybe. Or they could just be stupid or ill informed about me. I dunno.

Of course, maybe they're right and on top of being ignorant, self-important and grumpy I'm also a little dilusional; choosing to ignore the facts even when they've pointed out to me.

Hmm... Could it be true?!

I'm 20 years old and honestly have no idea of the type of person I am.

*In the end, my thirst won - I settled for lemon and lime flavoured water.

All the Best Laid Plans...

2009-10-13T21:33:00.008+01:00

It feels like things are finally moving with regards to my proposed radio soap The Blaze. That's after almost four months of it being seemingly parked in my brain, refusing to move. I met with Shaz Kerr, one of the university's film and media lecturers today, and we discussed how best to move the series forward.

Shaz isn't the easiest person to discuss such things with, as she has secret meetings and forms even more secret agendas behind your back. This means by the time you come to meet with her, even though she asks for your opinion, she's already decided what's best and how she wants things to run. Suppose in a way that's how today's meeting went, with her telling me what she wants, and when, and how.

The nitty-gritty: Effectively, instead of aiming for 10x 10 minute episodes, she wants me to write 6x 5minute installments instead, with another 6 episodes to follow once production is complete on the first batch. Now, I'm not too sure of this myself - is 5 minutes enough time to tell a story of decent length? I don't know, but I'm not going to object. Instead I'm going to write these 6 the best I can, and hope that they let us run 6x 10 minutes episodes there after.

Storywise I'm not sure how it's going to work, as I'd previously structured those 10 episodes, so 100 minutes of drama. Now, with just this half dozen and at only 5 minutes each, I'm looking at less than half of that - 30 minutes at most. Hmm...

I already have an initial idea pegged down for the opening episode, which will throw the audience straight into the middle of this chaotic world. It's Thursday, the day that the paper is due to be sent to the printers, and there's 15 minutes to go until deadline. Editor Roz Pryce is a busy woman, trying to get everything ready and organised in time... an effort that is hampered by the arrival of a new face in the newsroom: Darren Harvey.

The intention is to write the pilot by the end of October 2009, and have that passed around for feedback by various folk in November. Once that's done, I'll start work on the next 6, and have them completed over the Christmas break. Then, and only then, do we concentrate on production in early 2010 - with an Easter 2010 launch likely.

Blimey! We were supposed to go out in July 2009! That's some delay...

Will it be worth it? Honestly, I hope so!

Let's find out together...

***

At the same time as all this is going on, I've been working on Frank's Apocalypse again - for the first time in what feels like an eternity. Think I'm going to change the format a little, and make it more of an out and out comedy, with drama added into the mix. It'll focus on a different theme of the week, for example episode one tackles religion and the titular character Frank's perceptions on God and people's beliefs. Oh, and it'd be ad lib; a little like the fantastic Curb Your Enthusiasm. Sounds fun!

No idea of a schedule for that, but it'd be nice to have something made before the end of this year. Nice, but not that realistic.

I'll keep you posted!

The Great Weekender

2009-10-11T23:27:00.002+01:00

Phew! This is probably the first five minutes I've had on the computer all weekend... well, since the last time I wrote one of these on Friday, I should imagine. That's because I've been continuing a recent trend, and by that I mean I've been busy, busy, busy!

Like I wrote, Friday was my Dad's 46th birthday (is it bad that I had to go and check to confirm before I wrote that?!) and to celebrate we had a family meal at TGI Fridays and afterwards... the real fun started! ;) Well, we all went to a casino in Manchester and:

A) Got smashed.

B) Won some money.

c) Then lost it all again.

Ooh, and along the way I met a rather insane young man who was the spitting image of Questin Tarrantino. No, seriously! It was freaky how much they were alike, even in the way that he spoke. Like Quentin, he had crazy eyes - so when he was shouting "motherfucker!" I felt it, you know? Wouldn't surprise me to find out he's an escaped convict from Strangeways...

Saturday came around quite fast, and I spent it with Dad again. We went into my work and watched the new zom-edy, Zombieland (that's a zomedy themed comedy, to anybody who's without the foggest idea what a zom-edy really is...). You know what? It is quite funny in parts - espcially when Bill Murray comes on the scene. But then again, I love Bill Murray in anything he's starring in. He's a great actor, and reminds me a little of myself when I'm at my grumpiest.

Not such a great Sunday - Dad's car got trashed outside his house. Insurence probably won't cover it, so he's looking at having the car written off. That's... not good, at the best of times. Consider him, a garderner who depends upon his car as much as any gardening tool. Without it he can't get from job to job, and if he can't do that... well obviously, he can't earn.

He's no idea who done it, but if you consider the facts it's apparent that it was somebody he knew well - because his was the only car damaged, and it was right outside our house. Another vehicle had Christmas presents inside, but that neighbour's car wasn't smashed in - so that tells us it's not a robbery, or attempted one. Oh no; they knew who they were after and set out to cause all that damage. The basterds...

Also today, work, and my feet are killing me. We're showing Up in three screens, all of which come out within an hour of each other - so we're rushed off our feet cleaning them. At the same time we're massively understaffed, so we're all expected to do the work of two or three people - and ensure it's up to the same high quality, and done in super-rapid time. All that means... my feet ache. As does my back. And arms. And everything else. Ouch.

Still, back home now. Can finally take a breather, even if only for five minutes. Have a number of scripts to work on this week, and some more ideas. Hopefully, this'll be the week I finally do get my arse in gear and get it all done.

End of the weekend. Back to work now.

***

RIP Barry Letts, the producer of much of Doctor Who in the 1970s. He's the man who oversaw the Jon Pertwee era, and brought in his replacement Tom Baker. Some of his episodes are a little creaky now, and not don't feel tradition in the strictest sense, but fair play to the man for creating alien worlds and characters, every single week for 5 whole years - and terrifying a generation of schoolkids along the way.

For that, I doubt they'll ever forget you - and nor will Doctor Who fandom.

***

Off to a BIG media event on October 24th. Can't say what it is, incase some people who probably shouldn't find out read about it and get me in trouble. But boy... I'm super excited!! Might get to meet a few famous faces, including a certain-

No, I shouldn't tell you.

It's a secret, and all that.

One, Two, Three, Four...

2009-10-09T12:23:00.005+01:00

How haven't I seen this crazy Youtube video yet? It's the wedding of Jill Peterson and Kevin Heinz, from Minnesota USA, which features the guests breaking into dance down the church aisle to the song Forever by Chris Brown. It's strangely beautiful... with a whole lot of cuckoo thrown in for good measure, too.

Naturally, as a guy, I don't think about what my wedding day will be like (nor if I'll have one - says the single guy) but I'd like to think I'd get to do something as equally banannas as this on the day!

And now in a very special episode of The Office - Jim & Pam's have just been married to this.

Television's cutest couple? I think so!

***

Finally saw Disney/Pixar's at times heartbreaking Up last night. Now, as anybody that knows me will confirm I'm a big fan of the films that these two studios produce - the likes of Toy Story, Monsters Inc, Wall*E, etc. - and this didn't let me down one bit. Infact there's a scene right near to the beginning where the protagonist, the elderly Carl, loses the love of his life Ellie. To say it brings a lump to the throat is an understatement if there ever was one.

How a CGI film can create such real characters and raw emotion... it's beyond me. That cartoon, it's just as wickedly beautiful as seeing the bride and groom in that Youtube video dancing along to Forever.

Maybe it says more about love and how universal its themes are. We've all loved somebody and wanted to dance with them, and grow old by their side. Of course we have. You're a liar if you say you've never felt in love, because you have - you're just too chicken to admit it, or you're still heartbroken that the love you once felt... it's now lost. Forever?

If you haven't seen Up already, go watch it asap at a cinema near you. Same goes for that Youtube clip; as soon as you can clicky clicky and watch what I'm talking about - although really, you already know, because we've all dreamed of dancing with the one we love at our own wedding... yes, even us guys.

***

Dad's birthday today. He's late forties. I think.

We're going out for a family meal later to celebrate, possibly to a casino afterwards - although I know how much my Dad spends in those places, which is why poor old me might not be joing him there!

Still, happy birthday, hip-hip-hooray, and all that.

Actually... I Don't Have Time For This

2009-10-07T17:48:00.003+01:00

Oh, my life is busy right now. But you knew that already, didn't you? What I should be saying is it just got a whole lot busier...

Let me start at the beginning.

At the start of the year I made a pitch to a local radio station - Bolton FM - for a 10 minute soap, and devised a show called The Blaze which is set in and around Bolton University, specifically its make-believe Student Newspaper offices. To my complete surprise... the guys from the station bought into the idea, and I was commissioned to make the show.

I gathered together a team of fellow students, and set out to make roughly 10 episodes. But that's the point it all went wrong... and people were dropping out left, right and centre. So what happened was, we reached the end of the May 2009 semester and had nothing made... but Bolton FM were expecting something from us.

Oh dear...

We came back after the summer break, and I've been attempting to put the series back on track. I'm reworking the pilot script, and shuffling around members of the production team into different positions. I'm hoping to get a new group of people on board, too, to help make the series - with the aim that it'll be ready to record in the new year, to transmit from Easter 2010.

Now, there's a whole lot of work to do before then and now. I have to write the scripts, and cast those vital character roles - which means auditions, and auditions and, yep, more auditions. Fun.

Then on top of that, there's the actual production to worry about. Now, I have a writer's head, but not a technical one. I'm not the best person around the radio equipment, so it means that I have to find somebody I trust to make these episodes with me... and that's gonna take time; as much time as the casting process, I should imagine.

What makes it a harder task is trying to fit it around my other university commitments. I'm expected to do so much, in so little time, and hope that none of it suffers.

Today I made matters worse by volunteering for two new projects:

1: The end of year student show. Yes, I'm going to be part of the team that helps to put the student showreel together; and we only have 8 weeks planning time. That's when the university expects to hear from us, and begin to bring it all together. Ooh, the pressure! My initial suggestion today was a Monty Python-esque take on things - "And Now For Something Completely Different" I quipped. Hmm, actually I do sorta like it.

2: Northern Film Conference. Run by the BBC, they want a team of students to make a film that represents life in the North. One idea that immediately strikes me is something I thought up on the bus ride home, Northern Soup. It'd be an animated piece hand-drawn by us all, that throws all the typical Northern stereotypes at its protagonist. Literally. Then at the end, he's put in a blender and mixed around with the stereotypes, and he comes out a fully fledged Northerner.

I moan and bitch, but actually I like being this busy. Makes me feel as though I'm doing something important and worthwhile with my time! Normally I just doss around and waste any spare time I have by scrolling across websites ot useless internet blogs-

Er, hang on...

***

Might have tickets to go see a new Justin Lee Collins show called Heads or Tails being recorded next week in Manchester. Woo! Now, who should I take with me... ;)

***

I can exclusively reveal that the 2nd draft script of The Blaze contains the sentence "Toby, how's pages 6&7 looking? Of course, you don't know. You're too busy flirting with my cartoonist..."

Naughty Toby.

Roz has spoken...

The Stig I Ain't

2009-10-05T23:53:00.002+01:00

Phew!

Literally just got back from having been Go Kart Racing with fellow staff from work. T'was very fun - we ended up driving all the way to Warrington and having a Grand Prix race there. Ok, ok, so I did pretty badly overall (coming 17th out of just 20) but it's the taking part that counts...

Right?!

Gotta admit though that whole thing made me feel very queasy. Perhaps it's because I hadn't eaten since noon, or had anything to drink. I was running on empty; and that, mixed with the fumes in there... well, I guess it just set me off. That last race I took part in, I was just glad when it ended so that I could get some air. Honest, thought I might have to pull over and throw up - which, inside that helmet, wouldn't have been such a pleasurable experience.

Aside from that, I had a brilliant evening - mixing with a lot of friends, and having a laugh. They all seemed to enjoy themselves too, which makes the 4-6 weeks of planning time it took me to invest in worth all the while.

We'll probably return there at some point in 2010, maybe this time in the slightly-more-expensive 3 storey race track. Ooh, can't wait.

I'll still be a crappy driver, mind.

***

Bit of a boring post, because I really don't have anything else to talk about!

Oh, Balls.

2009-10-03T02:39:00.004+01:00

Disappointment. There's nothing quite like it.

If there's one sensation we should fully prepare ourselves for growing up, that's the one. It hits you time after time, and exactly where it hurts most of all.

Think about all of the disappointments you've faced during your life, from Christmas presents, to that person you fancied for so long, but the feeling wasn't mutual. We set ourselves up for it in so many ways, but that doesn't make it any less upsetting or damn right annoying when it occurs.

Oh boy, did I set myself up for it this week. Not only did I pitch to the BBC, with only a slight chance of winning a 4 week work placement there, but I went telling everybody I could about it - either in person, or through this blog & Facebook. So today, finding out that I infact didn't get the placement, it dug deep - because I'd demonstrated I'd wanted it, and by doing that I only set myself up for a fall when that want became a desire I couldn't forfill.

You ask yourself if the risk is worth taking. Do you tell Girl X you like her, and face the possibility of her laughing in your face? Course you do, because you want something better for yourself, and even though you know the consequences of what might happen, you see past that and see just the prize itself. So you tell the girl; and she either does or doesn't laugh.

And you cross your fingers, hoping her answer won't crush you.

Am I glad I made the pitch? Absolutely, if for no other reason than how confident I was throughout it - I'll take that away from the excercise, and can tick off the relevant 'can do this' on my list of things to learn.

Am I happy at who won the placement? Yes! Two of my friends, both of whom deserve to go far. I'd never dream of taking victory away from them. I smile, genuinely happy for them, knowing just how great a prize they just caught.

Am I disappointed? Beyond measure. It's not solely a case of 'it should have been me' because I can see how great some of the other pitches were, and I can't argue with the eventual choice of winners. But man, it'd have been so fantastic to say that I'd gone up there, and I'd done it (right). Now I can't, and neither can I say I have a fantastic opportunity opening up for me at the BBC. Still, as a friend of my prescribed tonight, I might not have won this race, but there's plenty more to compete in - and eventually, if I play strong enough, a victory will fall upon me.

Until then, it's time to face the disappointment of not winning, knowing that I had every chance to. It's disappointment because I'd dreamt so long and hard about winning, and having its prize.

Now... no.

***

I'm working on a new radio project. It's a one hour drama (maybe) that will transmit at Christmas (finger crossed) and is about a Children's ward in a hospital... or a homeless shelter... or a Santa's Grotto where pretend-Santa is infact a great big Scrooge.

One of the above, definitely.

Also: Still chipping away at that Blaze pilot script. Updates soon, promise!

***

Should I be worried that two books I won on eBay over a fortnight ago still haven't arrived? Hmm... they better soon, or...or...

Well you could say I'd be a little-

Disappointed. Ouch.

Busy Busy October Time

2009-10-01T12:56:00.002+01:00

Man, I can't believe it's October already. Where's the hell has the year gone? One minute it's January 1st and I'm starting my bet to give up chocolate and other such crappy food/drink, worrying about how hard Easter will be... then it's Easter... then summer hits... then... then...

October.

Busy month ahead.

1: Scripts and other projects.

A: I'm still very much commited to The Blaze radio soap project. Infact I'm writing episode one right now. It's the third or fourth draft, and a few details have changed, but it's still the same basic idea that I had at the beginning of the year. The current plan is to write the pilot, and cast the role around that, and maybe start recording after Christmas for an Easter 2010 launch.

B: I've also got to develop a treatment for a full length feature film in my Screenwriting class at uni. It's part of my dissertation, so I'm going to work flat out to make it the best possible idea I can. So far all I know is that it'll involve an ice cream man, who's also a part time drag artist, who's implicated in the rape and murder of a 15 year old boy. So it sounds like a barrel of laughs, huh?

C: On top of that, I'm still working on the Deborah script - a short film, that's deals with the idea of romance... as seen through the eyes of somebody wo is addicted to pornography.

D: Oh, and if that wasn't enough I'm in the initial stages of writing a one hour radio drama with a friend of mine called Paula, which we hope to have on the air at Christmas.

Man, looks like I'm going to be writing, writing, writing this month!

2: Go Kart Racing, etc.

E: Next Monday is the latest 'staff event' at work, to a Go Kart Race track in Warrington, which I've been organising over the past few months. Feels more like years. Honestly, the planning that has to go into a trip out is unbelievable; just making sure you have the right numbers to go, and that everybody has paid, and that they're guarenteed the night off, etc. It's exhausting! Normally I'd say "Still, as long as I win on the night..." - but this is Go Kart Racing. Like the bowling and Laser Quest challenges before it, I stand no chance. Seriously, none!

Should be a great night out though!!

F: Have to start planning November's event, too. It's a scavenger hunt, and it'll be taking place on Monday 2nd November - so not all that long from now. Lots of work to do if I'm to make it happen between now and then...

3: University

Lectures start proper next Tuesday. I'm doing:

G: A Work Based Learning module this semester, which means I have to find a work placement with some industry officials for a minimum of two whole weeks, and ASAP. Hopefully I'll get the 4 weeks with the BBC, and everything will be sorted (by that, I won't have to ring up numerous agencies asking them to take me on!). That's along with...

H: The aforementioned Screenwriting class.

Also:

I: A Writing for Radio circuit. By the end of the month I'm expected to have pitched a radio drama infront of the class, and start to write a draft script for it.

I'm happy to have finally dropped the theory side of things! I'm focusing more than ever on the scriptwriting now, which, after all, is the best thing for an aspiring writer! :P

4: The Sarah Jane Adventures

Yep. It's back. With added David Tennant! Can't wait.

It does mean a lot of hard work with regards to the SJA fansite I run, mind. So:

J: SARAH-JANE.tv - have to keep it relevant and up to date.

5: Other stuff

That's not to mention:

K: Work commitments - usually Thursday/Friday and Saturday nights.

L: My Dad's birthday, and all the celebrations surrounding it.

M: Potential school reunion for all of the folk who attended my primary school, and who left nigh on a decade ago. Haven't seen many of them in a LONG time, so it'll be interesting to catch up.

N: Make a pitch to work for the BBC on this year's Children in Need. Has to be done ASAP. Involves making a video message, telling them why I'm the man for the job. Imagine.

As the days go on, and the month drags on, expect more items to be added to that list!

Expect I'll be exhausted by the end of it all. From the sounds of it, the one thing I won't be getting to do this month is:

ZZZZzzzzzz: Sleep.

Life's a Pitch

2009-09-29T21:37:00.002+01:00

Had the oportunity to pitch to people from the BBC today, I did. Even went down to BBC HQ on Oxford St. Manchester and everything. It was an event organised by university, where we were all required to make a 2 minute pitch, trying to sell a piece of programming for the corporation to make & produce, via their religion and ethics department, to air on BBC Radio One.

Honestly, we were all bags of nerves going up there - espeically considering we knew that one lucky person making a pitch would be rewarded with a 4 week work placement there at the BBC. How exciting, huh?

Naturally I was almost-last (like I am most of the time...) and so I had to sit through an entire series of pitches before my chance came up. Let me tell you and all, there was some pretty good pitches made - so coming after all of them, my chances didn't look good!

Hmmm... think it went alright in the end, I suppose. I was - apparently - very confident up there, which is nice to hear, but I can't help but wonder if my pitch was lacking in some ways. Don't think I gave a clear enough picture of my intentions. For that reason, I'm guessing they won't pick me; but, oh! How I'd love them too.

Still, I got to visit BBC HQ, and even got an official visitor's pass and everything - how cool is that? Lessons have been learnt, also. Next time I'll try and slow down when talking, and try to put every single piece of relevant information across. I also need to sit down before it and plan it all out; what I'm going to say/do - because, as I've learnt today, you can't just wing it on the day.

***

Talked to Paula MacDonald, my script editor on the Blaze project, about where I'm up to with the scripts. I explained that my passion had somewhat diminsihed by the end of June, so I needed to take summer off to rechage my batteries. That meant no script were complete; but she understood. It had to be done - for the sake of not only my sanity, but for the entire project. I just needed time away in order to miss these guys and their world.

We're meeting tomorrow to discuss the series, and how we move forward from here, in more depth. Fingers crossed!

***

Fun times! Visited my old high school tonight, as I was taking my sister around on Open Evening. Not been back there in almost 4 years. Man, how things have changed! They're got rid of Bracewell Hall! Shocker!! The old cabins have been knocked down! Bigger shocker!! Mr. Newman - he of spot fame - is still there. Massive shocker!! He was there when my mum was there, for Pete's sake!!

Was good seeing old faces again - Miss Pickavance, Mr. Higson, Mrs. Bryant, Mr. Wilkes and especially Mr. Barlow. Great fun!

***

Happy celebrations to my Mum and her husband Dave, who've been married 8 years today.

Here's to a merry future you'll share together!

Join Up the Dots

2009-09-27T21:52:00.002+01:00

1: A couple of days ago I was chatting away to somebody at work and I asked them a simple question: Do I make sense? By that, am I coherent enough that you can understand what I'm saying. Her answer? Well it came as no surprise. "More often than not, yes I do understand you - but only through the process of joining up the dots".

7: Why not?

9: ...bouncing ideas back and forth, is far from the linear progression they expect.

2: You see, I have a bad habit of starting a conversation about one thing (say, subject A) and before I've finished talking about this thing, it's on to something else entirely (subject B).

6: Not only that, but at the same time they want to understand - but can't.

15: Don't just throw a whole bunch of information at a person, and expect them to pick up on it straight away. Because they can't - their brains just can't register it all.

13: If I worry that people don't understand me, perhaps this is why.

8: Well, because they follow the idea of linear progression in conversation - and me doing this, juggling God-knows how many conversations at once...

3: I might not return to Subject A for a while; instead I'll carry the conversation on - by talking about Subject B, or maybe introducing another topic on top of that.

12: Before somebody has a chance to register whatever the Hell it is I'm banging on about, off I go again, exploring another idea entirely.

5: By that, I mean they're trying to catch up to the point where my mind is at.

10: It's why when I'm talking to my managers at work they just look at me and smile when I talk...

14: I need to slow down, and actually think about what I'm saying. Try not to confuse my listener - and try to follow the conversation through in some sort of order.

4: The conversation fragments, and with no signpost whatsoever the listener is thrown a curveball - and expected to catch it.

16: *If* I can do all that, maybe - just maybe - I stand a chance of being a conversational wizard, by having people understand and appreciate exactly what I'm saying.

11: ...because secretly they have no idea what I'm muttering on about. They can't keep up. Nobody can - because my brain is moving too fast; throwing too many ideas and suggestions at people at once.

17: After all, that's all I want - to be understood.

Guess Who's a-Knocking at the Door

2009-09-25T14:20:00.003+01:00

Mum sat me down this morning and gave me a good talking to. Not that I'd done anything wrong; oh no, I've been a good boy. It's just... well, something happened last night at my house and Mum saw fit to warn me, and I suppose she wants me to do something to prevent it happening again.

The incident was recited to me by her, just like this:

My sister Sarah is sat downstairs in the living room, probably on the laptop or watching BBC Three's endless Family Guy repeats. She hears a strange knocking, and realises where it's coming from - the window. Opening the blinds she finds a strange guy staring in... watching her.

Panicked, Sarah rushes upstairs to tell step-dad Dave. He trundles downstairs, opens the front door, probably not expecting to find anything... the guy having vamooshkad, but actually - HE'S STILL THERE!

Dave asks him what he's doing, and the man says he just wants a light.

Dave tells him to bugger off, and he does.

Freaky, huh? What's freakier is the exact same thing happened to me about a year or two again - and now I find myself asking, is it just coincidence, or had the man expected to find the house empty, both times?

Dun-dun-duuuuuuuh!

***

This time next year I'll have finished university for good, and that marks the end of my full time education. Hoorah! Of course, that means I've got to go out and do it on my own from that point onwards, with no student status to fall back on, or rely upon.

Over the next year I have to look out for, and grab, anything that comes my way that can help further my goals - to be a television writer - or help to develop me as a person, as well as the skills I have.

There's several 'things' coming my way that could, in varying degrees, help me along the road of life (& career). One of them, to use an example, would be the radio series I'm writing for Bolton FM. It's why it is so important to get it up and running now, because it'll be a majour coup if I can see it through to the end successfully. Not just for my career, but for me as a writer.

Think this phrase defines the next year of my life, and everything thereafter:

Opportunity knocks.

In whatever way, shape or form it takes, I'll be ready to embrace it.

All Hail the Great Pretender

2009-09-23T17:28:00.000+01:00

I'm midway through watching the first season of Joss Whedon's Dollhouse and d'you know, for the most part it's flipping brilliant. Like all good television should, it's got me thinking about things - for example, the show explores the theme of identity and the pretense that surrounds it; what pretenses surround my own identity/ies?

Suppose it's like clothing, in that I have a personality for every occassion. There's the aloof fool that plays jokes and pranks at work. Then there's the geeky writer-guy I become at university; somebody who wants to act professional, but at the same time have a little fun and hope that his efforts are enough to 'break' into the writing business full time. The 'me' at home is completely different. He's grumpy and isolated - a little emotionally unattached, too. He's scared to show his true feelings, because his family have never seen him act that way. Compare it to the version he plays at work, where it's more common to see his outbursts of opinion/thought.

These different sides of me are the faces I wear every day. I have many more, that have been stored away in my subconscious because they're not needed right now - like the caring boyfriend I played a couple of times before in my life, or any other number of personalities that don't mesh with the life I'm living right now.

It's silly, but they are more than just behavioural patterns that I have around different people. I act out in a very real sense according to the 'face' I wear - it's why when I visit work on my day off to watch a film with the family I act differently than I normally do; because my mind is set to its default family setting, and not its work equivilant (or vicea versa). Honestly, I can't help it - it's just the way I'm wired. I don't pick or choose when I act like this.

The reasons? I'm not too sure. Maybe it's all to do with fantasy; as a writer, my brain romantisies the idea of 'being' different people in my writings - so there's a little transference into my real life, where I act out differently, according to a different set of moral codes I feed myself. Weird, I know. Do not get me started on the level of weirdness I'm confessing.

Perhaps it's a form of schziophrenia? Haha, I'm laughing when I oughta not be, because I'm deadly serious! No, I dunno what it is - but like I said, I've observed other people and how they behave in different circumstances. This feels... different to that. It's like a new man... wherever I go.

The real question isn't what the condition is, oh no. It's who is the real me behind it all? Am I that grumpy family guy, or that idiot co-worker, or university writing-guy? I honestly don't know anymore; I've forgotten, truly, who I am. Therefore, in principle, there no longer is a true Anthony Howard; just one massive personality, always shifting and changing, and pretending to be what it believes the long forgotten Anthony Howard is.

***

Finished the Doctor Who novel Coldheart (by Trevor Baxendale) after a week's reading. T'was alright, maybe a little average. Shall soon start on the next book in the series - Steve Lyons' The Space Age. Wish me luck!

Welcome Back Class, Did You Have a Good Summer?

2009-09-21T19:31:00.003+01:00

When the summer hits, I sit down and write a list of the things I want to accomplish before the season ends. Usually most items on that checklist go unticked, and this year ain't no different.

This year uni classes ended around the beginning of June (although I stayed behind an extra month to commit to The Blaze radio series), which is what... 10+ weeks ago now. I told myself I'd write the ten scripts required for The Blaze. So far I have one pilot episode (that we've already agreed won't be used) and half of another episode, that is nowhere near the quality it needs to be. So my team are going to be mighty pissed that I've let them, and the project, down.

I also intended to write two short films - Deborah and Gentle Flick of the Hair - both of which are still only at the early planning stages. On top of those, I'm supposed to have secured a work placement agreement (have I? No.) and my lecturer Justin is gonna slaughter me when he finds out that I have no agreement, and therefore no work placement.

You might be asking what have I done with my summer? Not a lot, really. I've been doing a lot of shifts at the cinema, but aside from that I've mostly just been sat around on my fat arse trolling through internet pages. You know, the usual bum's excuse - time wasting.

Now I'm gonna have to face the music, and will have to endure a tricky few weeks back at uni as I try and catch up with everybody that HAVE been working away, hard. It's my own fault, of course. Can't blame anybody else.

Don't know why I do it, year in year out. Could accomplish so much with the 12 weeks I have off annually. Instead... they go wasted. Worse still, I get depressed knowing what I could have been up to, and realising the giant potential that's been thrown away by me.

Not good.

***

Yep, it's back to uni tomorrow. Don't quite know how I feel. Mix of emotions, I guess. Relief that's it's the last time. Anticipation through seeing old faces again. Fear knowing that I've a lot of work to do. Happy at getting back to work on The Blaze and other projects. Daunted that it might all go wrong. Sad that it's almost over. Proud to be third year. In dread because it's Bolton I'm returning to. A lot of dread! Complete mix of feelings, I'm telling you.

***

My Blu-Ray copy of Joss Whedon's Dollhouse finally arrived from the USA. Had to pay £13.77 import duty; no fair! So far I've rewatched the first episode, and after being overtly critical of it in February when it originally aired, you know what? It ain't half bad really! Shall try and watch the remaining 12 episodes before series 2 starts this Friday night.

Also, Curb Your Enthusiasm is back after a 2 year hiatus. Love that show! I feel like a bit of a Larry David at times - though I doubt I'd do what he does to new girlfriend (and cancer sufferer) Loretta Black in the opening episode...

Nasty Larry, nasty!

I'm Not Sleepy - And There is No Place I'm Going To

2009-09-19T03:11:00.003+01:00

"He who controls the present, controls the past. He who controls the past, controls the future." - George Orwell.

We're products of our past experiences, and there's no denying that; A little girl burns her fingers upon lighting a match stick only once, before she learns of its danger. Everything we've done and said in the past, it shapes who we are right now and the very actions we lead.

This becomes more and more apparent the longer you spend with old people. They've had masses of experiences during their long lives, and now coming to their end of days, with their bodies failing them, it's their turn to share that experience with you. It's why Grandmas tell you to wear that jacket if it's cold, or Granddad warns you about the world. They hope their past becomes your present, and hopefully - if you make it to having grand children of your own - somebody else's future.

The sad thing is, people become trapped in the past. They lose sight of the present day, and become completely oblivious to any future they might have. Some would say that these people have given up living and are merely reflecting upon past glories, but I wouldn't go that far, because it wouldn't be fair - on the one person in my life I can safely say it applies to: My Nan.

It's a shame, yes, but what are you going to do? There's no point fighting it in most cases, these people have given up on everyday life. Their time is spent telling stories, waiting for the day that they can tell them no more. It's sad that they get like that; but I suppose it makes them happy, and comforts them. At a guess, they're the sort of person that'll die old and happy, with a smile upon their face, remembering life at its best. Me? I'll be that grumpy old man; always out of touch with life, who'll die yelling at neighbours, or something. At least there's a real beauty in holding onto those happy memories, as long as you can, and living by them.

Nan might never talk to me about her future ever again (beyond what she'll buy for next week's shopping). Is it sad? Most definitely. Does it actually matter? Probably not.

We're made up of memories. Sometimes we embrace them. Other times we store them away, and only get them out of mental storage when we require them. Our memories and experience shape how people see us, and by telling others about it all, we're passing it all on, hoping we're remembered ourselves after death.

In a way, it is looking to your future; crossing your fingers and hoping for the best.

Well That Brought a Smile To My face!

2009-09-17T02:34:00.003+01:00

I'm in an unusual mood, and have been all day. Boy, it's no wonder - today's been a good day. Lots of things have happened in the space of these last 24 hours, and it's left me... happy. Genuinely happy - no put on happy like I pretend to be with most people, most of the time. Like I said then, quite an unusual state of mind I find myself in.

Want me to let you in on a secret? Go on... bit of fun, I'll tell you why I'm so happy. Or at least, I'll try, because the more I think about it, the pyschology of it all is quite complicated - but it comes down to one basic thing:

Revisiting the past.

I'll start at the beginning, huh?

For the last week or so I've been monitoring a number of eBay items up for sale. They were a lot of Doctor Who books that I needed to complete my collection (the run of Eighth Doctor novels published between 1997-2005 fact fans). Yesterday I won two of the books, meaning I only had another 2 to go today. Well... I did it!

Yes, that's right (and kinda sad): after nine years, my collection is complete! I now own all of the series. Hmm, didn't think I'd make it for a while there, what with the books being out and print and all. But eBay proved my savour, and now, after a 3/4 years gap between buying titles in the series, I've done it! Sense of accomplishment!! Woooo!!

To celebrate the feat, I started reading one of the books in the series - the next in sequence from where I left off back in 2006 (for it's been that long). The book in question? Coldheart by Trevor Baxendale. It's alright so far, almost 35 pages in. But it doesn't matter; because I'm back reading a series of novels that I literally grew up on between the Doctor Who TV Movie and the start of the revival back in 2005. Loved them to bits back then, and it feels very peculiar to return to that earlier point and resume from where I left off - almost as if I get to revert to the younger model of myself, who had so much more fun and was infinitely happier.

All this made me happy, but what brought a real smile to my face was what happened at work tonight. Went in expecting an average night - Orange Wednesday no less - and it turned into something... more.

I know, I know I hate to mention her name on these pages, but it's excusable this time - for my ex-girlfriend Katie O'Donnell came in to watch a film! Yes, admitedly she didn't come over and say hello, or do anything of the sort, but it was just great to see her. Now don't get me wrong, I've moved on - but for the 2 hours she was there, it was like I'd regressed back again to a point in my life where I was secure in my mind that she was around.

A couple of years ago I wrote how I hated the fact that her twin sister Joanne was visiting my work to watch a film (I Am Legend, if I recall correctly). I take it all back. I'm not angry or at all pissed that she visited work. Hell, she probably just assumed that I'd left - it's been that long since we split. Either that, or after 2 and a half years she's finally forgiven me for what went down during the break-up.

Evidence to support this? Well, the fact that she didn't just turn around and leave when she saw me there. That, plus after the film finished she stood near to one or the tills, even when I was mere metres away. If she was that pissed at me and wanting nothing more to do with me, surely she'd have just upped and left? Not stayed around an extra couple of minutes, right near to where I was stood?

One of my co-workers, Raz, reckons that she *might* have possibly been waiting for me to say hello to her, or make the first move towards doing that. Obviously I didn't, because I didn't feel it was my place to, but he might be onto something. Then again, he might be completely wrong, and she might have hated me trying to talk to her. Guess we'll never know, seeing as though I let the moment pass - she left with her sister and friends, presumably heading back home.

Did I do the right thing, keeping my distance? You tell me. Part of me regrests doing nothing, but another part of me thinks it was for the best. Saying that, I couldn't have soured relations between us anymore if I had tried speaking to her, could I? Guess we'll never know.

So there we are; my day. Been a pretty good one, and one that I was so thankful for waking up to. There's not been many days recently I can say that about.

More like it, please!

Secure in my Insecurities

2009-09-15T20:59:00.002+01:00

I'm 20 years old, and panic about the future. It's a big blank canvas, that somebody expects me and everybody else in my generation to step up and fill; but what if I can't meet that expectation? If I'm not talented enough, or strong enough? What then? And what about if I don't make it? Will knowing I failed eat me up for the rest of my life?

Of course it isn't just the future that I find myself worried about. I'm insecure in so many ways, and about so many things. Take girls:

+ Why don't they notice me?
+ Why don't they want to be with me?
+ Do they think I'm good looking (and if not, why not)?
+ Why am I so terrible at flirting/dating/etc?

These insecurities are maintained in my mind 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. I just wish there was a way to jetison them completely, and to live a life free of worry and doubt.

Maybe it's what attracts me to writing - the fact that I have absolute control over a fictional universe. Beyond my writing ability, I have no worries with regard to this world, or its people. I know my place perfectly. I am the 'God' of everything within, and nobody questions me, or doubts me, and I have a freedom to do whatever the Hell I like.

It's an interesting theory, but it doesn't help me overcome my own insecurities in real life; because when I do stop writing, I revert back to that nervous and awkward guy I am in the real world - who has those girl troubles, who worries about the future, who thinks he isn't good enough and who wants, desperately, to overcome these feelings... but doesn't ever think he will.

Because he's insecure like that.

***

There's a girl at work, bless her, who's quite possibly the most insecure person you're ever likely to meet. If she's required to do something, you can be sure as Hell she'll ponder her ability to do it, or become all meek and ask if it actually does need to be done, or if it can be avoided. She makes me laugh, being more insecure than I ever possibly could be. It's quite cute, in a way.

***

Phone call from Lisa at university (who took me for editing classes in the 2nd year). Apparently classes and inductions begin again NEXT WEEK - a whole week earlier than I thought. Holy crap! Haven't wrote a single word of The Blaze over summer (was supposed to have drafted 10 scripts...) so I don't know what I'm going to do there. Hmm... think it's possible to write 10 scripts in 7 days? ;)

Addictions

2009-09-13T17:23:00.003+01:00

These last couple of weeks I've gotten a little carried away with my eBay purchases, let me tell you. It started out harmlessly with me picking up several Doctor Who books for 99p a pop, but now I'm spending £6 or £7 on a book, in an attempt to complete my collection. Some would say that's a ridiculous amount for any book (plus £2 postage added on to each one) and if I'm completely honest, I'd agree. But hey, it's one of those things - and I suppose I'll calm down once I've picked up the last five books I need.

Won't I?

(He waits nervously for 8pm to hit, when the next auction ends and he discovers if he's won The Deadstone Memorial and The Sleep of Reason...)

Wish I could say it's the only thing I've been blowing my money on of late, but alas it's not. You see, somewhere along the road I started drinking - drinking, drinking. The kind that elvates you on a night out, but leaves you on an all-time low the very next morning. Dunno when it started, but it did. Once upon a time I wouldn't even touch any form of alcohol. Then I started work, and around that time started socialising with the folk working alongside me, going out to pubs and clubs - and the rest, as they say is history.

Don't get me wrong, I don't over drink or over indulge. It's just that I'm drinking every other day now, and through my Dad I've seen what the consequences of daily drinking/routine can be.

Hopefully when I'm settled back at uni - ergo, have no free time - I'll calm down, and won;t feel the need to get as absolutely wasted as I've been getting this past summer.

***

Have decided to start a journal. The last time I kept a day to day diary of my life (excluding what I write here online) was around 2004. Figure I've lost enough memories from the last 5 years... don't wanna lost anymore, so it's time I get them down on paper.

One of my very worst sins happened in my original diary, actually, and it's kinda apt I'm telling you this right about now, considering its anniversary. You see, back on September 11th 2001 I was keeping a diary, like I had been doing for the past 6 months - but the entry that day barely even makes reference to the terrorist attacks that had just taken place. Oh no, instead it just reads like an average day. I was 12 at the time, so can't even use the excuse that I had no idea what was going on. I knew it was significant, that planes had just flew into the World Trade Centre; I was just too self-absorbed to deal with it, and comment upon it in my diary.

Shame, because it was a terrible day - and anything but average as I made out.

***

Just found out that Joss Whedon's Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog has won a Creative Emmy. Woo! It deserves it more than any other show nominated, frankly. Haven't seen it yet? Go watch it, vis iTunes or Youtube, or whatever. Now!

Betrayal?

2009-09-11T03:44:00.003+01:00

There's something about this blog that brings out a romantic side in me. It seems like every time I post here, it's in some way got to relate back to the topic of love - through tales of ex-girlfriends, or current exploits. Doesn't help of course that I'm single, and right now I have sex on the brain; for everywhere I look, it's there.

***

Thought this might be a nice counter-post to what I wrote of Wednesday about love (& all that). You see I talked about there my current feelings towards me having a relationship, and trying to move on, but what I didn't really touch upon was how I felt about people I've loved - or been intimate with - moving on after they've broken up with me.

The topic is a hot potato right now, for not only have I discovered that Clare is dating a guy called Andy Taylor, but today I heard the news that a girl I sorta-dated for a week is engaged! Oh yes, a sign that I truly am getting old...

They - the girls I let into my heart many moons ago - have all moved on now, and I'm not quite sure how I feel. To be frank, I see Katie 'moving on' as the ultimate betrayal, because here was a girl who had promised to love me forever now promising another guy the exact same thing. It almost makes what me and her had not-special or unique anymore. I'll tell you what it is... It's the ultimate insult! A spit in the face. Her saying, "screw you, there's other guys out there more deserving of me right now than you."

With the others I've dated, it's different. They weren't my first, and I was far from their's, so no promises of declarations of true, eternal love were ever made. It was kinda a given that they'd one day move on from me, and probably to bigger and better things. No, it's not a betrayal from them - because I've always had to accept it would happen. No, instead it's an omen, forecasting how shitty my life has become compared to them, and without them.

Once upon a time, I was furious at the thought of an ex of mine shacking up with somebody else. Now... not so much. If another guy wants to marry Hayley Todd, good for him and I wish him all the best. If somebody better suited to Clare comes along and sweeps her off her feet... well, she deserves to be made happy. And as for Katie... well, if another guy wants to take a chance on her, best of luck to him I say! He'll need it, dating her.

So it's not a betrayal. Not really. Not when I observe it from an adult point of view, and come to accept that all things have their time, and then everything comes to an end. They're only human, and want companionship like me. They'll fight to get it anyway they can, with whoever they can, because that's human nature. They certainly don't do it out of spite. Oh no... when it comes to their own personal happiness now, away from me, I doubt I even register in their heads.

To ex-girlfriends; and realising it's time to move on, because they have!

***

Mum's got round to adding a Facebook profile for herself. Well, I set it up for her, but she's already using it and adding friends from school that's she's lost contact with. Nice to see her strowlling down memory lane. She seems at her happiest when she's visiting it.

Love (& All That)

2009-09-09T23:14:00.000+01:00

Scary thought, I've been single for a year.

It was this time last year that me and Clare Kelly split, and since then there's been nobody else. That's not through a lack of trying, that's for sure. Remember the girl on the train that caught my eye (and mine, her's)? Or her that I met at the Killers concert in March? Even a few girls from work or university that happened to have gained my attention. None of them, for whatever reason, worked out. So here I am, still living the single life.

Feels weird now, as if I've suddenly forgotten how to do relationships because I haven't been in one for such a long time. I look around, at the people in my life already coupled off, and I don't know how they do it. Honestly, I don't. How they can trust another person like that, or learn to love somebody else, even despite all their flaws. Maybe the last few relationships, and the subsequent break aways, have left me overly cynical? Maybe.

Perhaps I never really knew how to be like that, and was pretending all along. Sometimes I think that. It's like all the time I spend with any girl I've dated (pick one at random) has been me just trying to be what I thought they expected. That's applies even more so with Clare; always felt I had something to live up to not only in her eyes, but mine. So what, I'm a great big pretender - aren't we all?

Question is, pretending or not, did I actually love the girls? Hmm, that's a tricky one. I'd (pardon the pun) love to say yes, but I'm not so sure anymore. I definitely thought I loved them during the periods we dated; but thinking something isn't always the same as actually living it.

Now, I'd want a relationship that was far, FAR simplier. None of this "I love you... but it's complicated" malarky. I'd want it much more back to basics, to the point where we wouldn't feel the need to see each other, or ring/email every day. We'd be free individuals, exploiting a connection made between the both of us. Sex needn't factor in for a while, because of everything, it's the number one cause of complications. It'd seem a much more child like idea of love, and I like that - because in the past, aged 17/18/whatever, I've tried being too grown up about it all - and it doesn't work. You just end up so unhappy, trapped in a relationship and wanting desperately to get out of it.

Think that's a reason why I'm single right now; I'm none too fussed about it all. Sure, I'd rather have somebody in my life - but my heart of hearts isn't ready. I need the 'me' time, to fully recover from everything that's gone before. Yes, it's been a year already, but it doesn't feel like that's enough. Still need more time. How much, I dunno. Just... more.

When I'm ready, I'll know it. I'll not only want a relationship, but I'll be willing to start one, and they'll be an excitement, and a readiness to embrace life with another human being.

Another scary though... I might even enjoy it, and find peace within myself again. Maybe even come to terms with my aggravations towards love, and all that. Again with the maybe, this time with an added dash of hopefully added in for good effect too.

Time will tell. That it will.

***

A shout out to a certain Miss Sammie Goss, who has sneakily been reading this lil' blog of mine. Hope you had a good time fooooking Prawn hunting before!

Manic Monday

2009-09-07T23:39:00.000+01:00

Had a great day today. It was one of those days where I just couldn't wait to get out of bed, you know, and face the world. Happens on a rare occassion! Usually when I have something planned, or it's a big 'event' like a birthday. On rare days, I'm even excited to get up and write. Today, not so much. But! I was pretty excited for a different reason - the second (in a hopefully long line of) staff social events!

We went to the Laser Quest inside the Trafford Centre, and before it we had a meal together at TGI Fridays. Was great, seeing everybody from inside of work... out of it. In some cases, literally ;) And yes, even though I didn't win the 2 games of 'Quest we had, I was so glad that it'd been organised, and that it actually did go ahead. Things like this fall through most of the time, so the month of planning that went into it actually did pay of.

Next month, if I can organise it (looks like it's going to be a bugger to plan) will be a trip to a Go Kart Racing track. Exciting times! Hopefully I might stand a chance of winning that one...

***

Been buying some Doctor Who books from eBay. When I was younger I was a massive follower of the EDAs (a series of novels that told the story of Paul McGann's Eighth Doctor, as seen in a 1996 TV Movie.). The series concluded in 2005, around the time of the new series, but I never got round to completing my collection. Now, it's an eBay job. Got about 6 or 7 of the last books in the run to buy now. Some of them are going for ridiculous prices. Must find myself a bargain.

Must complete the collection.

***

Still no news on the writing front :(

Really must kick my arse into gear.

Cautionary Tales of Facebook Stalking

2009-09-05T03:29:00.003+01:00

Right, first things first, I'm back on Facebook. On top of that, all of the posts from this blog are being grabbed from here, and reposted on there. It means all of my Facebook friends now have access to these ramblings of mine. Scary. Hope they don't object too greatly to what I write here online - after all, it's my blog, and I can write whatever the Hell I want!

***

You know, I just couldn't help myself. Checked out the profile of Clare Kelly, an ex of mine, the other day. She's now in another relationship, with a guy called Andy even. From what I've read on his profile he seems such a nice, clever guy. Most importantly, I get the vibe that Clare and him are good together, and that she's happy. It's a catch-22 for me, because as the ex I'm supposed to hate the new guy/replacement, but I just can't. Sorry about that. Instead I'm all happy she's found somebody new, and that they now share a love.

It's depressing that I'm still single, of course. I've now been that way for an entire year. That means that it's the longest period of time I've been single since, ooh, December 2005. It's not like I don't try with the girls, let me tell you! It's just... well, I'm a wee bit useless. Also, I set my standards too high - far, FAR too high. In waiting for the perfect girl to come along, I pass on pretty much every other girl. Hmm, the right approach you think?

***

Anyways, I've been having a few ideas about the staff Christmas party. My ideal would be to book out a room, organise a film quiz and around that have an awards ceremony, secret santa and the like. Dunno if it'll go ahead, or if I'll face opposition. Shall find out, I guess. I have until December to plan it all out, and have it come to pass!

One thing I do know, however, is that I'm detirmined to have Billy Joel's We Didn't Start the Fire playing somewhere. Have fallen in love with that song of late. Sad, I know.

Ho, ho, ho!

***

Don't ask for an update on scripts or other writings.

Simple:

There isn't one.

Drunk & (Surprisingly) Orderly

2009-09-03T03:44:00.002+01:00

Met up with old college friends Phil Wooller and Jonathan Carney tonight. It's been nigh on two years we left college, nigh on a year since I last saw Jonny and... well, nigh on two weeks since me and Phil last met up. All in all, it was a good night - even if Phil left early, citing that he had no money to spend (and if he thought he could scrounge off me and Jonny, he had another thing coming!).

Originally based in Manchester's Varsity club, we moved into Bury once Phil departed back home. To be perfectly frank I quite enjoyed the opportunity to talk to Jonathan one-on-one. Of everybody I knew from way back when, he's the one who has changed the most. You see, he used to be this awkward geeky teen, and now he's an accomplished, cool guy. Talking to him feels like a real privilege; maybe because I'm aware I'm no longer talking to an adolesent, but a matured man? Whatever, it's great chatting to him.

We talked about all sorts of things, but most of the night's chat centred around the opposite sex. Listen, for years I doubted Jonny and mocked both his orientation and approach to sex, but this guy is a pot of knowledge. No joke! He understands some... issues that I have better than anybody else does, mostly because he's either had dealt with them himself, or is currently dealing with them.

He's also a big drinker. It's funny, but the three of us - myself, Phil and Jonny - never used to be this bad, but in our 'old age' we seem to have become major fans of the drink. Quick! Somebody dial 999, and order us three new Livers to go.

Oh man, can't exress how good it was talking to Jonathan tonight. Felt like old times again, it did. It was 2006 again, and we were at Holy Cross College together, on our lunch break walking into Bury town centre. On the way there, we've have chats about our lives, and what we thought about each other's! I miss that, mostly because I'm not that intimate with anybody like that at university. Like I said to Jonny tonight, when I lef college, and them, I left behind two friendships that I didn't realise I valued so much until they were gone.

I'm supposed to be meeting up with Jonny again soon, maybe even going down to Liverpool with him (where he's studying Accounting at Uni). Should be fun; I can't wait! Honest to God, it's great just to have that friendship back in my life again.

Anyhoo, need sleep now. Was locked out the house before. Always fun.

Fingers crossed, no handover tomorrow!!

Bed Beckons

2009-09-01T03:57:00.002+01:00

It's fast approaching 4am, and I don't know what I'm still doing up. No honest, I don't. September 1st is my Mum's birthday (every year, don't cha know) and really I should be getting some shut eye ahead of the celebrations. Instead, I'm uploading photos onto Facebook, and trying to stalk ex-girlfriends and their sisters on there. Alas, they've all blocked me, which makes the mission even harder to complete...

Feels weird being back on the Book of Face after so long. Haven't been on it since May 31st - three whole months ago now. Told myself to stay off it, because I was getting to that creepy stage of Facebook stalking folk, and it wasn't healthy at all. No siree. Did me no good looking at pictures of Katie O'Donnell, looking all sexy and single, or even Clare Kelly with her new boyfriend in tow. No good, whatsoever. As you can problem tell.

It's still annoying I suppose seeing pictures of ex-girlfriends. Even though I have no idea what's going through my mind, they at least look happy - and that bothers me. Not because I don't want them to be - of course I do! - but I gotta question why I'm not like that; happy, or at least a little content, with the life I'm living right now.

***

I've got about five or six ideas jotted down for some short direct-to-camera monologues that I could act out (once I've gotten round to buying a camera that is!). I think the first one I'll tackle will be Mona Lisa, Smile Please - a piece about a guy my age, who is addicted to pornography. It has several ties with Deborah, another project I have on the go, so the two should compliment one another quite well.

Might have a bash at writing another issue of the Assassin comic this week. I'm up to Volume Three, Chapter Four out of eight. Think it's about time I made a move on the last four issues, don't you? T'was 2006 when I started writing them...

Well well. It's 4:06am. Might I be ready for bed now I wonder?

Should I give it a go?

Zzzzzzzzz

The Saturday/Sunday Life

2009-08-30T23:52:00.000+01:00

Have had quite a busy bank holiday weekend, and it's been a lot of fun too. Met up with Nabu San yesterday, who contributes to The Sarah Jane Adventures blog I run. We were at the Trafford Centre, where a huge event was being run to promote all sorts of CBBC shows (including the SJA). There, I met Edward Russell, who works behind the scenes at BBC Wales, overlooking all of Doctor Who related events.

Me and Edward go way back - you see, he first emailed me in 2006 to ask me to remove some spoilers on TORCHWOOD.tv that I'd put up, relating to the ending of the first season's opening episode. I felt his email was a little rude and condenscending, and emailed back telling him this. He didn't take it well; plus, I refused to take the moaned about spoilers down. Can safely say, after that we were never destined to be BFFs.

When I saw him yesterday, he had no idea who I was of course, but he heard me and Nabu talking about the story, and I think he put two and two together. After that... well, we didn't really talk all that much!

Still, it got me extremely jealous, because the guy has a pretty cool job, and I'd love to be doing something like that. I dream of the day that I can organise an event for the masses, and actually do something, you know? When I'm running Doctor Who in 2035, you just wait and see all the crazy events I'll have planned out!!

Getting home from the Trafford Centre wasn't easy. Not only was there a footie match on (Manchester United vs. Arsenal) - but preperations were ongoing for the evening's Gay Pride parade. Plus, the metrolink broke down at Victoria Station, so I was a full hour late for work. Still, my managers didn't care - 'cos business was dead, and me arriving late saved an hour of payroll that would have just been wasted anyways.

Talked to a girl at work called Vicky, and tried to give her some advice. She's done some stuff recently that's been completely unacceptable, and so she's lost quite a few friends there at work. Also, her attitude to the job has slipped, and if she's not careful the managers will take any opportunity they have to sack her. I told her this, that her day's are more or less numbered, and tried to open her eyes to what's going on. She's a nice enough girl, but this chapter of her life is coming to an end, and she needs to move on - otherwise they (the managers) will find that excuse, and she will be sacked, and then what? I'd rather see her leave on her own terms than have that happen to her. No idea if what I said got through to her, mind.

Only finished work at about 2:30am, and coupled with the fact I had to be up early to get to the Trafford Centre (so didn't get any sleep the night before) I slept in until around 3pm today. So I've not really done anything, and have wasted my Sunday! Aside from watching a couple of episodes of The Sopranos (season 2, episodes 6&7) and the Quentin Tarrantino flick Dusk Till Dawn, that is. Could have really done with making a start on these Blaze scripts. Hmmm... will have to wait until tomorrow now. Can I - successfully! - manage to write 10 scripts before the end of September?! Guess I'll find out...

Anyhoo, last day of August tomorrow. Whoa! Time flies. My three month exile from Facebook ends in just 24 hours. Will be weird to get back on there, and see what everybody has been up to. Can't wait! Ooh, plus, my sisters are back at school. Yes, ha! Bring on the new week!!

Appallingly Inspired

2009-08-27T03:48:00.002+01:00

Considering I haven't really done much over the space of the last fifteen hours or so, it's been a long day - or at least feels as if it has. Wasted most of the afternoon, thinking that I'd have all evening to catch up on writing (how wrong I was! ---> see below) and did so by listening to a couple more episodes of Doctor Who on audio [I've now reached episode 4 of The Dalek Master Plan], then another episode of the brilliant second series of The Sopranos. Love that show.

Got a call from work, asking if I could come in tonight - even though it's supposed to be a night off. I don't mind. Firstly, they've cut my hours of late, so I could do with some bonus pay to boost the pay packet. Oh, and secondly, I actually do miss the place when I'm not there. Well, it's the people I miss the most really. A cinema is such a great social venue. Honest to God, it's the only time I ever properly socialise. Forget university or nights out; I'm pretending then. No, at work I have friends and every single one of them means something to me.

T'was about 3am when I got in, and I did what I usual do: Make myself something to eat, and promptly go online to catch up on any news I might have missed out on in the time I've been away. Apparently there's a SJA related event in Manchester this weekend, and fellow SJ.tv writer Nabu San wants to know if I'll go and meet up with him. Course I will! Should be fun - and I've even requested a sneaky game of Laser Quest afterwards.

After that, I continued my 3am tour of the WWW and saw something truly shocking. Honest, I'm rarely taken aback... but this. Oh man. Too much.

In a sick sort of way though, it was that vile and that disgusting it made the writer side of my brain think 'hmm, wonder if I could ever use that someday in a script' - and you know what? I think I will. I know the perfect idea it'd fit into. Writers are like that, always willing to take the worst parts of human nature, and use them to their advantage (or the story's advantage).

Even though every atom of my rational mind struggles to comprehend what it is it just saw, I know at least one character waiting in the great vista of imagination, of things waiting to be formed, that can comprehend fully, and understand, this strange/twisted act I just saw.

I'm going to bed now. Scared that I can think up such a person. Scared that I'd ever want to use him in a story of mine. Scared that the sinister darkness I just saw online is a part of me, and my imagination.

Sweet dreams.

Bit of Alright

2009-08-24T21:29:00.002+01:00

Honestly, it wasn't my intention to leave such a long gap between posts. What can I say? The usual, perhaps, that I've been busy doing other stuff and that everyday life just got in the way. You know, these last couple of weeks I've started writing again - dusting off several abandoned projects, and once more picking up my pen to them. It's been fun, and kind of rewarding.

Hopefully tonight I'll get round to starting another issue of my comic, Darkened Avenue. The last time I wrote anything for the series, it was 2007. I hadn't started my job at the cinema, I was still dating my ex, and - well - it was 2007, okay. 2 years ago! Rihanna had her Umbrella, Lily Allen had her Alfie and that Just Jack fella... well, he became a one hit wonder, didn't he?

Have been spending a lot of time drinking these past few weeks, too. Hmmm... connection? Met up with an old high school/college friend of mine, Phil Wooller, for the first time since... would you believe it, 2007... last Wednesday night. T'was quite surreal, because we carried on pretty much from where we left off two years ago, continuing conversations we started back then. He mentioned one of my ex's, Katie O'Donnell. Very strange; I haven't talked to anybody about Katie in a long, LONG time now. Funny how you move with the times, isn't it?

Yet, there's some things you just never seem destined to let go off. I've been muting a short film called The Other for well over 18 months now, and I'm still no closer to actually writing the blasted thing. Of course, one advantage to leaving it brew in my mind for that length of time is that it has developed by itself, and the idea's matured and become something else entirely - so when I actually do settled down and put pen to paper, it will be a million lightyears away from that initial idea I had back in Summer... 2007.

I'm off to write some more, Hopefully it won't be another month until you hear from me again...

Spam Sandwiches

2009-07-28T23:55:00.000+01:00

Went to visit my Nan yesterday, and it marked the first time I left the house in two days. My family are away on holiday, and funnily enough work had given me a handful of days off. It was great to get out the house, and even better to visit her, my Nan.

I got there mid-afternoon, and helped her clean her house. It's a shame, but through problems resulting from a broken hip her quality of life has really dipped these last few years. Muck all over the floor and bits/bobs all around, it was all I could do to help her by clearing it all away. Afterwards she offered me ten pounds for the service, but I turned it down. Of course I did! I helped her not for money, but for love. It breaks my heart, honest it does, to see her living in such poverty like that.

(In the end I did take a payment of a sort - she made me spam sandwiches. For years I've been turning her spam sandwiches down, and yesterday she finally got me to have a couple, and you know what? They were pretty damn good!)

Today I got out again, as I was on an open at work. That's pretty unusual, as they usual confine me to the evening closes, so to be there at 8am (not 8pm) was a real shock to the system!

Aside from that, not really been up to much else. Had a Korma curry for dinner. Willow (my dog) ate the chicken pieces - they were a bit too rubbery for my liking. Might do her some good, as she's not been eating since the family went away. Save for a third of a piece of meat on Sunday night, it was the first food she's eaten since then.

Has been a cause to watch DVDs. Finally finished off the Mr. Bean collection today, with an episode I remember vividly from my childhood. You know the one, where Bean's car gets crushed by a tank. Oh! The memories came flooding back...

Also watching season 2 of The L Word, Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy (never finished it off when I started it two summer's ago) and I've watched up to episode 6 of The West Wing, year one.

Night night.

Home Alone

2009-07-26T21:38:00.000+01:00

My family have gone on holiday, so over the course of the next seven days I have the house to myself. Now, I've known they'd be going away for many months now, but nothing prepared me for when the moment actually came. I just sat there, having come home late from work, in the middle of an empty house, completely alone. Worst thing is, I felt it - the lonliness, that is.

I can't express just how much I missed them all that first night, and how scarily adult I felt, through having to look after myself all by myself. That included making my own food, washing the dishes, and sorting my clothes out so that that they were a) cleaned, and b) not shrunk/dyed/destroyed in the wash.

All day I've just been sat around the house wanting to find something to do. In the end I just settled on moving the PS3 downstairs and watching a number of DVDs (recently made a start on series one of The West Wing, actually). On top of that, I made a fuss of the dog. Was a little upset yesterday, at myself mostly, because she spent the whole day locked away while I was at work and later visiting my Dad's. I came back home, and she was literally crying for attention. Like to think I made up for it today by giving it to her.

Of course, she's my only company at the moment too, so we're sharing that experience - relying on one another to forfill our attention-seeking count. Wonder if the two of us will be sick of the sight of one another by the end of the week, or if we'd have grown so close she really will be my man's-best-friend.

Night's coming in now, and I might settle down tom watch a movie downstairs. Dunno what yet, mind. Something funny - I'm in the mood for laughs. Before all that, mind, I just wanted to write this little diary, as confirmation almost that after six months away, I'm back to regular blogging, ready to share my experiences and recollections. Might not have the company of family over the course of the next week, but for now, this silly old blog, it'll do.

His Silent Poetry

2009-06-10T06:52:00.000+01:00

You know, I came *this* close to deleting this blog entirely. My passion for writing has vanished over the past couple of months, and I have no idea how to reclaim it. The reason? I pitched a radio drama series called The Blaze to a local station, and they accepted my invitation to work with them to make the series. Following that, it all went south as lecturers at university took control and started interfering, to such a degree that I started to resent the show and everything it stood for.

At the minute I have no idea what will happen with regards to the show. I still want to write it and make it a success, but I just don't have the mental energy to fight against the university, who seem so detirmined to stop this in the tracks.

Thing is, this was my last resort. I've lasted two years at Bolton Uni, and during that time they have neutralised my talents and passions. Imagine my writing as a candlelight, it was nearer it's final flickers of life and was almost put out completely, until I stumbled upon this radio series. Now that's started to fall through, the flame feels near-estinguished.

What does that mean? I don't know, but I do know that right now I have absolutely no desire to write anything at all ever again. I don't see myself as a writer anymore. That side of my identity no longer exists. Now it just feels as those I'm pretending.

I have that fucking university to blame. Honest, it's a shithole and I hate everything about it. I resent the lecturers and everything they try to preach to me. All I have left now is hope; that one day it'll end and things will be different, when I'm free from the jail it holds me captive within.

In the meantime I have one more year to sit through, if I can survive that long. Still haven't decided if I'm going back in September. Way I see it though, I've lasted two of the three years - might as well make it the rest of the way (even though my grades suck, because I have no enthusiasm for whatever it is I'm assigned to do).

Before that I have summer all to myself, and so far it's shaping up to be a pretty forgettable experience. I've locked myself away in my bedroom for the last 2 weeks, working my way through my DVD collection (Oz, The Sopranos, The Office, to name but a few). I was hoping to work longer hours at work, but they've really cut down on work hours so I'm working less than before, even. Damn.

I have no idea if this blog will ever return. I had scheduled a return to full time blogging in early July - who knows if that will go ahead. I've just go no idea where I am right now, what I stand for, or even where I'm going next.

The flame flickers out. No more fire, as the poetry grows silent.

***

This was the last post on the original Timespotters/House of Garnon site.

Easter Delights

2009-04-05T23:47:00.000+01:00

It feels bizzare that it reaches 7 o'clock at night and the sun is still out. Guess I've gotten used to the continued darkness of Winter, which is why I relish Spring's return so much. Suddenly everything seems that much brighter, and colourful, and because of it I'm full of optimism and good cheer. Bless the sunshine, and long may it continue.

Saying that there's much more than just the weather affecting my mood these days. Over the last couple of weeks you see I've been tremendously busy on a number of different projects; diverting my attention from the filming of a short film, to developing a radio drama series, and also developing a maybe-one-day potential TV series for the sake of a university project.

The film is called Tit-4-Tat and tells the parallel story of a British politician called Jack Harper, who once acted as a hitman/soldier in the Middle East, and a Middle Eastern called Asim - who is called in to assassinate Harper, minutes before he's about to meet the press.

It's a clever script written by a friend of mine called Daniel Frost, and developed by myself and others in two university classes - that's Creative Producing and Directing Actors for Screen. As I'm only a Producer on the project, and most defintely not a director, my input is pretty limited to say the least. My involvement thus far has just been as a sort of "paperwork guy". I get the actors to sign their contracts, ensure that location agreements are put together correctly and signed, and other petty stuff like that. It can be very frustrating, taking a back seat and watching others do all the (fun) work. In the end we'll have a completed film that - should! - rock; but I don't feel as if I have any particular ownership of it. Unlike Self or April 3rd or Eyes Down this isn't mine, and there's very little (if any) 'me' in it at all.

I won't bore you with details of my university script progress. Needless to say, I don't put nearly enough effort into this week, as if my brain knows that it's all just one big excerise, that will never conceivably see the light of day. So why bother writing a 45 page script? It's not like it'll ever end up on BBC primetime, or whatever.

In direct contrast, I'm pretty much guarenteed a spot on radio. Over the past few months I've been trying to put together a radio drama for Bolton FM - a new station that launches in the North West June 21st. Well, this week I had a pitch meeting with the station manager Kevan Williams and two of his lovely assistants. Kevan seemed very enthusiastic about the project and what I have planned and encouraged me to write and produce a pilot episode, with an eye to having a full time radio soap running from the station launch this summer. It helped that the university's facilities were, in his opinion, better than his own station's (and he wanted the opportunity to use them...) but I like to think... no, I know that what I pitched impressed him enough to agree to have me onboard the team.

That's my focus for the next however long. It's too early to reveal anything about the series (plenty of time for that soon enough!) but know that of all the things I've written it's probably the most sophisicated, but then it's the most fun too. I can't wait to make a start on things. The writing process begins over the Easter holidays - and I'm hoping to have a final draft Pilot ready for May 1st, ready to record that month - so that we're ready for the June launch. Then... onwards and upwards; the sky's the limit!

It's great to have something to work upon during the Easter break, otherwise I'd just waste the holiday drifting aimlessly through the days, until it had ended and I landed back at university with a BANG! Easter should be a lot of fun, too. I mean there's the beginning of the end in Doctor Who - after this there's only three more episodes to go before the David Tennant era is no more. Ooh, and brand new Red Dwarf too. I've waited ten years for this. Honestly an old diary of mine tells of me watching the last new episode, "...Only the Good" exactly ten years ago. Always wondered how they'd resolve that cliffhanger ending of Rimmer and Death. Now, I guess, I'll come close to finding out (although it's Red Dwarf, where continuity means nothing).

Shall also find the time to view The Wire's fourth series. Honest to God it's the most amazing show ever, and I'm not quite sure what I'll do when I've run out of new episodes to watch. Cry, most likely. It's just so human and raw, somehow becoming a thing of beauty and masterpiece during the viewing process. More than anything else this is the key influence on my writing now, which - when completed - you'll no doubt see in my mysterious Bolton FM radio project.

Of course, they'll be no Easter eggs for me this year as my bet to stay off of the junk food and drink is still going strong, three months in. I'm detirmined that I have the will power to last out the whole year. Oh yes! How great will that be, if I manage it?

If I take the moment to look beyond Easter, then I just don't know - either what lies next, or how I get to that place in my life. Will the radio drama succeed? What about Tit-4-Tat? University? Hmmm.... lot's of maybes and I don't knows.

Shall be interesting reading this back in years to come; as this is a hive of activity, my life. Right now, anyways, Wonder what I'll make of it when the wrinkles set in, and the voice drops even deeper and the hair starts to thin.

The beginning of it all, maybe...?

***

I'm on holiday from regular reporting for the next few months. Until then enjoy this rare public jaunts, and know that I'll be back full time at some point this summer.

The February Update

2009-02-24T16:53:00.000Z

Quite purposely I haven't updated this page for a while, because quite honestly I'm been fighting this nagging feeling... a voice inside of me that says I might have run out of worthwhile things to say. I know, I know that's just me being overtly paranoid, but it's true... in part. I have burnt out on this blog, and as much as I enjoy writing it, it means that my posts suffer.

So I'm taking a holiday from it; only to return for the foreseeable future to write the odd post, like this, to update you on where I am in life, before my big dramatic - full time! - return later in the year bigger and better than ever before!!

***

The February Update

2009. Already?!

Whoa! That means I'm twenty years old... no longer a teenager, which still feels slightly weird to say out loud. Though I've never really been that arsed about birthdays, I still found the time to celebrate, by going out with the family and trying, out so desperately!, to enjoy myself. We ate a little too much at Chiquitos, watched Disney's Bolt, and then I got my ass whooped at bowling. Oh dear.

20 years old, and I can't bowl for shit!

Since the start of the year I've been on this healthy eating campaign. Last year I noticed myself eating more and more food, and most of it junk, so it'll come as no surprise that I put on quite a bit of weight. I promised myself that come 2009 that'd stop, and I'd play nice again, and stop with the junk. And so far, so good! Haven't touched any junk food since December, and because of it have lost a stone in weight. My clothes that were once loose on me, then suddenly no longer fit, are now loose again. Rejoice!

But it's more than that. I feel sooooo much better in myself through the healthy eating. I have more energy, and - this is a little strangely worded, so bare with me! - I can think more, as if the synapsis have been polished down; no longer polluted by dirty junk food and fizzy pop.

It's lead me to remount the proposed short film, "The Other" and I've made enough progress that I've felt confident enough to launch a production diary, to keep myself and others up to speed on the progress being made.

On another note, I've bid farewell to the Torchwood.tv blog that I've been writing since 2006. (Well, technically I'm still a staff writing until after Torchwood's third series has run its course.) I just felt that I'd contributed everything I could to the site, and had nothing new to offer. I've never been the biggest Torchwood fan, so it doesn't quite make sense for me to remain there, when other much bigger Torchwood fans can have the opportunity to play around with the blog.

Still, it feels strangely emotional to say goodbye. Honestly, I've had a blast writing the site, and knowing that up to a thousand people were reading every day was a good incentive, also! Shall be quite bizarre after I've left to read Torchwood news, and knowing that I no longer have to report it!

Elsewhere, and I'm whizzing through my DVDs! So far this year I've concluded watching the Seinfeld series, its Curb Your Enthuiasm cousin, Paul Abbot's State of Play and three whole series of The Wire - a series so fantastic I scream out at you to get the complete DVD boxset. Or LoveFilm it. Whatever. David Simon has created such a layered universe here - characters that exist, and stories that bleed through into reality - that it shouldn't be ignored.

Honestly, after watching the show my own writing has been so informed, and is so much more alive. It's a lesson in storytelling and execution like no other.

The Wire. Go buy it. Go watch it. Don't ignore it.

And that's it from me for now. Just a quick update to let you know that I'm still alive (hello!) and happy to post. I'll be back soon enough, don't fret! Till then, enjoy the Spring and I'll be seeing you!

Chaos @ Christmas

2008-12-14T12:04:00.000Z

I spent yesterday panicing because I've yet to buy a single Christmas present. No, no, that's a lie - because I'd already bought two, for Mum and my sister Donna. Thing is though, what with work and uni I have little free time on my hands and I haven't really had a chance to look for presents at all. Poor old me, with no time to shop!!

Dad and I went into Manchester city centre yesterday to look for last minute(ish) buys, but we couldn't have picked a worse day if we'd tried. Apparently Saturday was the busiest shopping day that 2008 has seen. And me and Dad were stuck in the middle of all that madness. Ooops.

Literally everywhere you turned people were willingly queuing up all the way to the shop door, sometimes beyond it! Even if I had seen any bargains there or ideal crimbo presents (luckily I didn't!) I don't think I would have joined queues that side. Not if you'd paid me!!

On Friday I went into the local Woolworths, having heard of its so-called closing down sale. Hmm... sale my arse! Nothing in there was particularly cheap. Infact I have a sneaky suspicion that a lot of the goods in there were price increased so that when the new V.A.T level hit and the sales began, prices were the same (if not more than) they were before!! I'm guessing the compnay's new administrators had something to do with that, to maximise the amount of money they'll make back before Woolies closes for the last time around New Year...

Still, didn't stop literally hundreds of people picking up any old shit and buing it, just because a) it might be their last time to do so in Woolworths, and b) because they thought they were getting a bargain. They really weren't. It's no wonder methinks that Woolies has gone down the plan - I prediced it would as early as 2006. The shop is just meaningless now, and sells bucket loads of poop that folk can buy faster and cheaper elsewhere.

I ended up buying most of my presents on the cheap, from the God of Cheap Shopping - Costco! I got a selection of quality DVDs for a relatively small amount, and of course - as a bonus - I beat the queues. Always good.

Just got about a quarter of my family left to buy for...

Tomorrow's Choice

2008-12-13T23:00:00.000Z

Imagine if you will that God does indeed exist, and the Father of All Creation decides that it's you above all that he wants to help. He talks to you, and because he's such a swell guy he's mad crazy on making you happy (so we're clear this is a fantasy God...) and he's willing to do this by moulding you a partner - but he wants your input.

You have two choices available to you; you can only pick one of them - it's cheating to say "both" or "neither":

Choice 1 - God makes the person to be just like you, and at first everything is perfect between you and him/her. You get along great and have so much fun together. The honeymoon period lasts a while, but slowly starts to disintergrate. Eventually you and your partner are arguing a lot, and it leads to a breakdown of the relationship.

At least you can say you had five or so great years together, despite it going south afterwards.

Choice 2 - God makes you an imperfect being who's not juch like you, and at first you have very little in common. You both like each other, but aren't sure if there's anything beyond that mutual attraction. You try and work at the relationship, but it takes a long time before you make progress. Once it's made however, a long time after you get together, things are fantastic between the two of you, and you spend the rest of your life together.

So you out up with five years of bad, but come out of the other end stronger.

What choice do you make? Either way is equally flawed...

Choice 1 - You want instant happiness without looking ahead to the future. In effect, you're gambling with your emotions, not knowing how it's going to pay off. You're all for the "now" and have no consideration for the "tomorrow".

Choice 2 - You're willing to put yourself through Hell, even if ultimately it's for your best. You have a clear idea what you want, but might never meet those expectations, because the journey there will take its toll and cause you to make judgments that might not be in favour of carrying on the relationship. Perversely you're all for the "tomorrow", never thinking about the "now".

Choice 1 or 2 - take your pick!

Nana 75

2008-12-10T22:22:00.000Z

Today's my Nana's 75th birthday, so a cause of celebration I think you'll agree! We converged as a family at her home to wish her all the best, and give her the presents we've assembled over the last couple of weeks. She seemed in a genuinely happy mood throughout, not fazed by her recent stay in hospital. Was great seeing her happy again - it feels like an eternity ago that she was last like that.

When I was little, the woman was there for me whenever I needed her. I have one very specific memory of spending all my weekdays with her one summer, as Mum went out to work. Nan babysat us, but not only that - she kept us entertained, and loved us in a way only she could. That summer sticks with me - it was the year that Teletubies launched and my (then) infant sister was addicted to it. Me and Donna were also glued to the telly, watching CBBC's H.O.T programming ("Holidays on Two"), but it wasn't all about home entertainment.

Nan used to take us all around the local shopping precinct. I remember those trips around Sainsbury's, and inside the nearby charity shops. Nowadays, that doesn't sound like much - but by God, back then they were adventures! And I got to spend them with this woman who demonstrated such care and affection for us, and I fell absoultely in love with her.

Nowadays she's older and not as nimble on her feet, having broke her hip five or six years ago. She's more house bound, but I can still see that desire to get out and have those adventures again, shown through the twinkle in her eye.

I propose a toast, to my Nan - the single most caring woman in the world, a woman so kind that no matter what your needs come before her's, every time. A woman that I love, in short, with every single inch of my heart.

To Rosemary Healey; the first 75 years!!

Untitled Day

2008-12-08T23:59:00.000Z

Thought I'd do something a little unusual with this post and chronicle a full 24 hours in the life of me, beginning to end. Couldn't have picked a more interesting day to write about, as it happens!

Monday 8th January 2008

12:01am - I'm writing a number of blog posts, and pretending that I wrote them days ago. Take this as an example, though it's date stamped mid-last week, I've only just got round to completing it - but if I don't post it as that date, it'll ruin my attempt to get a perfect December record - i.e. to write a blog post every day during December 2008. Sssh! Don't tell.

12:18am - Currently on Facebook, and the chat box has just sprung up. It's Mel Dean, the security guard from work. I've almost finished work on those blog posts, so I respond to her - although, alas, my full attention isn't on her. A transcript:

12:18am Melanie - Flung a fish at u. Is Mark going to get sacked?
12:20am Anthony - Dunno, why?
12:23am Melanie - Raz said he told sumone on the tills to let sum 10 year olds into a 15 film after they had been refused off two people

12:24am Anthony - Dunno, wasn't there. Probably though - the management don't like him
12:26am Melanie - Lol neither do I. He is so rude! He's like sharon
12:26am Anthony - Haha, well there you go - you should sack him!

12:27am Melanie - Me? Lol, "Mark u r sacked!"
12:27am Anthony - See what he says to that :P
12:27am Melanie - Actually I fink Aasim is worst on the sly.
12:27am Anthony - Oh, definitely

12:28am Melanie - He's a sly bugger him i don't fink Mark means any harm but he don't actually know what he's doin. I wonder what everyone says about me lol.
12:29am Anthony - Oh, they hate you ;)
12:29am Melanie - U do...
12:31amAnthony - Yep, definitely.

12:42am - Conversation ends as she goes offline. I have no idea if she knows I was joking with the "Yep, definitely" line. Hope so. Should think so. So probably not, then.

1:33am - Finally log off the internet after an hour of just messing around, doing nothing, internet surfing. Decide not to go to bed though, and begin to watch my shiny new The Dark Knight Blu-Ray DVD which arrived in the post a couple of days early yesterday.

2:50am - Enough of Batman and its damned special features! I'm off to bed at last - although it takes me a while. I have trouble breathing when I'm lay there, eyes shut. It's a problem that's surfaced recently - I get a build-up of saliva, and I can't release it by swallowing. Should probably get it seen to, along with a long list of other dilemmas...

2:51am-12:23pm - Sleep! Dreams. None of which I can remember upon waking.

12:24pm - Awake! Telephone call, though I don't reach the phone in time. A 1571 message tells me it's my sister's school - she didn't show up for morning registration, and they're informing me of this. I mumble and grumble a little bit, before internet surfing again. Hello, Facebook! My cousin Samantha has left me a few comments, which is always nice. Shows that somebody cares, at least! I decide that I wish more people would message me, because I'd like that. Would make me feel very welcomed!

12:47pm - Another call. It's Mum, telling me she'll be arriving back from work shortly. I go back to internet surfing until she's back...

12:58pm - Mum's back. Time for lunch. I eat a microwavable Rustler Chicken Burger, a packet of Walkers Worcester Sauce crisps, two pieces of malt loaf and a Philidelphia Cheese sweet and sour nachos dip. Served alongside fresh orange juice. At least that's healthy, if not the crisps, burger, cheese dips et al.

1:15pm - Phone ring again, and this time it's my Nan, all the way from a hospital bed. Apparently Mum tried to ring there before, got the wrong number and ended up speaking to another, grumpy old woman instead. Not good. Oh no. Nan's better, anyroad and should be out any day now, if only the doctors released her. I speak to Nan a minute - she's in a rush to get off again (but subsequently isn't in a rush for Mum to get off the line; does she just not want to talk to me?!).

1:45pm - Neighbours comes on, meaning that Mum can't be disturbed no matter what. I sit there and foolishly try and engage in conversation. She's having none of it.

1:55pm - Defeated, I go upstairs and begin to tidy my bedroom, which is a complete and utter mess! Papers and documents all over the floor. 'Important' notes on film theory and other such useful university scribbles are scattered everywhere. Dirty pots. Dirtier clothes. Old DVDS. New DVDs. Lots of careful cleaning, which I don't mind doing. It's all kinda fun really - which leaves me wondering if I'm some sort of clean-aholic freak. Maybe.

2:55pm - Toilet break. I take a collection of classic Doctor Who comics with me, to read whilst I'm on the loo. Figure I might as well make use of that lost five minutes of my life somehow. So I read, and today's comic strip adventure? Part two of the Sixth Doctor adventure "Funhouse" - nice cameos by past Doctors! If I ever wrote Doctor Who, that's how I'd shoehorn the likes of Peter Davison and Tom Baker into my works.

4:03pm - I'm now at Pilsworth, Mum having driven me there. I have an appointment at work shortly, but in the mean time I check out the local ASDA. Though they haven't stocked up the TV DVD section (no use to me then!) or put any copies of the christmas Radio Times out. I desperately want that read, because apparently it has an interview with Russell T Davies who talks about the future of NuWho. The tease!

4:15pm - The nerves set in. I have a conference call at work at half past, and I've never sat in on one before. I have no idea what to do or say. I stand around in the foyer for a while talking, before I pluck up the nerves minutes before I due to be upstairs to actually go upstairs...

4:30pm-5:25pm - Conference call. I'm staff rep, and talk to staff reps from across the whole of the North West region. We discuss what we want the staff rep forum to achieve, and what its mission statement should ultimately be. Aside from that... not a lot is talked about. We need to make the forum bigger, better, stronger, yada, yada. I perk up about halfway through it, though nothing I say gets listened to anyroad.

5:26pm - Call over, I talk to Dale who is one of the managers from the Bolton site. He's covering tonight when me and the rest of the gang head on out to the staff party. He only has four staff members, however. Four. To cover a whole cinema, for five hours. Let me put that into context for you a little. Four. Yep, FOUR.

5:31pm - Begin my journey home, by walking down Croft Lane, a long and bendy hill road....

5:52pm - Finally reach the bottom of the hill, and now have to wait for the bus home.

6:02pm - Bus arrives. I board. Go home.

6: 30pm - Tomato and Basil pasta for dinner, which is a bit repetitive. I've had it three times in less than ten days. Getting a little tired of eating the same old food ALL. THE. TIME.

6:32pm - I eat my food whilst watching SJA "Enemy of the Bane" Part 2 on BBC iPlayer. I find the episode a massive letdown. Not only was there no point the Brigidier being in it, but neither was Sontaran Kaagh well suported, and the acting was terrible. Bored to tears halfway through it, seriously contemplating turning it off. It was only the presence of the Brig that kept me watching.

7:05pm - End of "The Sarah Jane Adventures" series two. A great little scene with Elisabeth Sladen's character breaking the fourth wall, even in the dialogue for that scene was a little shaky. I find myself asking what went wrong, and read online fan's opinions. They agree with me. The SJA stank this year, and I don't know why.

7:07pm - Right, okay, the staff at work are having their Christmas meal tonight, which begins at 8:30pm. I've still got to get down there, and prefferably in plenty of time. But it's now almost ten past seven, and I'm sat here on the computer still, typing away - still in my scruffy daytime clothes. Need a shave, and a wash, and to not only dress myself, but pick what I'm to wear!

7:32pm - I'm dressed at last, having to chose to wear a variant on what I wore last year. So that's a waistcoat and shirt, with tie, trousers and plimsoles. I call it my geek chic look, and would normally consider myself over dressed; but it's Christmas, and cold outside, and I want to dress up for the occassion and play to people's expectations. 'Cos I do that, a lot.

7:54pm - It's subzero outside, and I'm walking to the restaurante. It's only a mile or so away, so why not? Takes me a good twenty minutes, all the same. I get there roughly before eight, and I'm a frozen block of ice. Good to get inside and warm up!!

8:19pm - The staff are talking amongst themselves, before we get to the table. For me, this is the worst bit - standing around, and talking. Oh my God, I've never been good at that. Not one bit, because it exposes me for the confidence fraud that I really am. I pretend that talking is second nature to me, and don't stop a yapping, but I find it impossibly hard. What am I supposed to talk about here (I put a self-ban on discussing work related items)? Suddenly I find I have little in common with some of these people. To cover that up I whip out the camera and start taking pictures, because that's easy and relies on very little communication. Always resort to photography when stuck in anti-social predicaments!

8:45pm - We're seatied, with drinks and all (Long Island Ice Tea for me - a cocktail that screams "eww!" I've now learnt) when the food starts to arrive. We all had these weird cardboard-tasting nachos and too-onion-y tasting salsa dip. Potato skin and sour cream dip marked the teaser proper, and for main course I have chicken pasta something or other.

9:15pm - Break between courses. I fool around with the people sat at my table - Chris Groves, Becki Gaffney, Catherine Lee, Becky Williams and projectionist Michael Stansfield. Lots of jokes. The more drinks that arrive, the drunker I get, and the naugtier my jokes then become! All good fun, except for Cath, who I'm nigh on bullying!!

10:05pm - Pudding begins to arrive, but I'm absolutely stuff I struggle to eat it. I have a couple of spoonfuls, but can't manage anymore. I always find that curious, who no matter how appetitising something looks I still can't down it. There's a rude joke in there, somewhere.

10:35pm - Oooh, gossip!! Two staff members spontaneously burst into...kissing! (Be honest, you expected me to say "fire" them, yes?!) Well, not so much with the "spontaneous" - all night long they'd been sniffing around one another, and anybody with half a brain could see that with a couple of drinks down them the outcome of that... But, OMGolly-Gosh! What a kiss! They started off licking one another's faces, and progressed to snogging (with tongues!) in the middle of the table, infront of everybody else! Don't think they've heard the word 'discretion' before, which is kinda obvious after tonight...

11:13pm - The end of the meal approaches, as people start to go back home. I'm still a little taken aback by the kiss. The two participants say goodbye to me, but I don't know how to act around them. I'm disgusted, taken aback and only half-arsed about it all, at the same time. In the end it's just me and half a dozen folk left behind, talking amongst ourselves, and having a good time. Was a great night, and infinitely better than last year's do.

11:33pm - Journey back home, as a co-worker and his brother drop me off pretty much near home. When I get back there, I sit down and take stock of what just happened. I always do this when I return home, no matter where I've been. Gives me a chance to realise mistakes I might have made, or any instances where I put my foot in it. Also, memories stick if you're constantly thinking about them, and I'm a man built on memories.

11:57pm - Chelsea comes online, and I wrestle with the idea of talking to her. I mean, it's late and I'm ever so slightly drunk, a little bit tired, and so not in the best place for conversation. But in the end, I *do* decide to talk, and it's a fantastic chat - despite me only having met the girl roughly four or fives time!! The talk carries on well past midnight, only ending when Chelsea admits she wants sleep, for she has a driving lesson in the morning. I too, minutes later, log off and go to bed.

1:35am - Bed, at last - ready for tomorrow and the challenges that creates.

Life of the Party

2008-12-07T23:23:00.000Z

Through sickness, I soldiered on and made it to my step-sister Kirsty's party, hosted at a local pub venue to celebrate her approaching 21st birthday. Now, even if I'd been 100% healthy that night, I'm not the biggest party go-er, espcecially if my family are around (mostly because they cramp my style! :P) But in all seriousness, I'm not good at parties, or anywhere that I have to mix socially with others (I'll be just as bad next week at my staff Christmas do) I just clam up, and withdraw inside my shell - if I had a shell, that is!

Instead I fall into a routine. I sit in the corner, or as close to the corner as I can. I let the party go on around me, not a part of it. As the night progresses, my mood drops - that fake smile I might use on you at the start in gone midshift, and eventually I'm looking as grumpy (and dignified) as Victor Meldrew. Not a pleasent sight; and it's no wonder the number of people who come up to me wanting to start a conversation begins to drop dramatically at this point, also.

Then I get tired, and that's the worst part. You see, from there on in all I'm concerned about is getting back home and going to bed, then sleeping. Nothing else matters - not even pleasentries. So this is the part of the night where I appear rude and obnxious, and as if I just wanna run away from you and this whole party thing you've got going on.

(Honest, it's nothing personal!)

Kirsty's party held the same pattern, although this time I did try and make more of a conscious effort. My Aunt was there, with a couple of my older cousins, who I got a decent hour long conversation out of. Honest, I don't think I've ever talked to them for that length of time before. We had a lot to relate to! Think we're closer now than ever before!!

Aside from that, I was still the party pooper. I did indeed sit in the corner. I didn't mix with anybody outside of the family unit (not even the cute girls in attendence there!!). And I categorically did not smile, not once. Not even when invited by Kirsty's Dad - oh dear. Still, that guy is nothing to me, so I don't really care if he thinks I'm rude, or whatever.

Inside, I'm screaming, because I want to break from this routine and have a little fun (honest I do!) but I just can't help myself. Maybe it is the presence of family there - I mean, look at the work's nights out we have, where I do centre myself at the heart of things. Or maybe it's all dependent on how drunk/sober I am/become? Dunno; but when you yourself know that you should probably loosen up a little bit more, you know you're in trouble.

I was about to write "there's always next time' but that's exactly the problem; it's always next time. Why can't I make those changes now, and have a better time because of it?! Stop pushing it back, and just do it!!

What a 2Face

2008-12-06T18:00:00.000Z

My step-sister Kirsty is having her 21st birthday party tonight, and she's decided it's having a fancy dress theme - which I hate because I find it hard enough going to parties wearing my own skin, nevermind that of somebody else! It also means that you're under pressure to find and possibly make your own costume, and what happens if what you wear doesn't compare to that of everybody else's? Oh, the social ridicule!

Honest, fancy dress scares me. I remember avoiding my own aunt's 50th birthday party years ago because she demanded that everybody come in costume. Filled me with dread! Came up with some crappy excuse in the end why I wasn't going - was watching Doctor Who, or something along those lines. Just couldn't face the burden of responcibilty placed upon my shoulders with the costume choice! ;)

No, but seriously I guess I've never truly fitted in anywhere and that's reflected in the caution I show to things like fancy dress. I hate people staring at me and thinking that I don't fit in. In my mind they're going to look at my costume, deem it shit or at least inferior to their's, and judge me because of it. My brain tells me that's happened all through my life, from school onwards, and it's just going to happen again.

It shouldn't bother me, because I don't care what half these people think anyway. But for some reason their judgment of me impounds greatly... perhaps because I know I don't fit in? There's a great line in my short film Self where the protagonist Horatio says:

HORATIO (V/O)
Sometimes I sit here and feel so alone, because I don’t fit in. Not at all. Not with the “conventionals”. I wanna be different, and unusual, and totally unloveable... but it comes at a cost.

That line sums me up completely. Unique & different - but at the same time understood and respected. Is that even possible?

Anyhoo, back to the party. I thought I'd reflect this double edged sword through my choice of costume for the night - the character of Two-Face from the Batman mythology (not only for that reason - The Dark Knight kicked ass, also). You can see a picture of my costume below, which I think turned out mighty fine indeedio!

"You either die a hero, or live long enough to see yourself become the villain"

So... wonder how the night's going to go? I'm not exactly known as the life and soul of a party, and it doesn't help that I feel as ill as buggery. Must be coming down with something. That, or it's the lack of sleep recently. What with essay stress, and my crazy DVD watching habits, and work. Hope I get better soon. Hell, hope tonight's a blast!

Report to follow tomorrow. Maybe. Definitely. Well, definitely maybe!

Stress Free

2008-12-04T11:40:00.000Z

The ironic thing about my week long holiday from work is... it wasn't a holiday. Pretty much all of last weekend was eaten up writing that bastard essay which I hate, hate, hated. Absolutely. It's one of the reasons why I can't wait to escape the education system - I feel like I've been tied down by it for so long, going straight from school to college and then university without a pause along the way. This is my sixteenth consecutive year just doing nothing but learning, and more and more I'm getting the urge to just get out there into the proper world, and just do something.

Also, hate the work that education demands. It eats up so much of one's time, and it doesn't really serve a purpose, unless that purpose is to torture a soul and have him or her question her own intelligence, and eventually existence! This bastard essay didn't teach me a thing, and I doubt if it had I've take it to the next level once education is up.

But enough about my education rant, it's great just to have a little free time again. Last night I watched three episodes of Seinfeld - my first in almost a fortnight. Oh my gollygosh, it was amazing! Just sitting there, guilt free knowing that I didn't have any other commitments during that short space of time. Woo! It's what I mean; will be great when I'm free from the prison that I feel education holds me in.

I wonder what it'll be like when I've left the system? I presume by then that I'll have left the cinema too - so I'll have my weekends back again, and will be able to lead a convention(ish) sort of life once more! Oh boy, that feels like a pipe dream right now, but I guess it's only 18 months or so away. I can't wait! (Yes, 18 months - I'm halfway [well almost!] through university now!!)

Think I might take some time out, in the hope that I recover from the recent stresses and have a little fun and adventure along the way. I never took a gap year, so missed all that - and I'm still at that point in my life where it isn't impossible to lead that life style, maybe travel and see the world, that sort of thing. I haven't got any real commitments back home, so why not? We'll see how it goes.

For now I have to juggle work and university, and have the occassional buble of freedom to myself. Like last night. Nights like that mean the world to me. Sadly the exercise won't be repeated tonight, because I'm back at work - a 6/10, putting the posters and film times up, a shift which I managed from Summer 2007 through to April this year, before the job was taken off me. Still not over that! It was my poster shift, dammit!!

Anyhoo, back to reality. Work. Uni. Little bit of fun.

My life, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

The Two Page Problem

2008-12-03T22:08:00.000Z

Let's play flashback, baby...

Christmas 1998: It's freezy outside, what with all the snow and gusty winds. Lucky then that I'm locked up indoors, with the central heating on, writing underneath the Christmas tree. Nothing much; just page after page of Doctor Who stories. Back then I was quite a rapid writer, producing stories by the bucketload (all of which, I'm ashamed to say, have been lost since then - gobbled up by the garbage at a time I considered them uncool and totally unreadable) but the stories weren't anything like I produce now.

They were very short one page "episodes" - that then broke down into four, six or ten episode adventures (so a full story began, middled and ended during the course of roughly six pages - whoa!) Looking back on that, it seems crazy that I was able to do it. Nowadays I struggle to cram material into a 45 page script!

Part of my "2008 Hotlist" was to complete all of those episodic adventure series that I started around 2001/2, and haven't gotten round to finishing. It's interesting because it means I have to revisit that old one page format... well, now it's more like two. Around 2003 my writing style had matured enough that one page just wasn't enough. Too simple!

In reality I've outgrown a series like "The Kenchucky Tree" because it's far too simplistic in aproach. After all it's chief concern - the life of a family - happens to be its only concern. The series has no substance, and it really couldn't could it, with just two page stories through which to tell the stories and drive the series' narrative forward?

I've wrote four of five new 'episodes' for the series this year, and faced that impossibility of two page story telling again, only now its worse than ever! My mind through uni and college is now driven by three act structures, and motivated characters, cause and effect, et al. It's completely alien to me to be writing short stories like this, because it means I have no space to fill out details, and no time to add those details that transform average into good. In short, my writing has become far too sophisicated to manage its own history.

Put it this way - it's like when you're twelve and you suddenly get those urges (you know the ones; those that drive your sexuality the rest of your life). At first all you can imagine doing is getting the girl, and kissing her. Then kissing isn't enough, and you wanna advance further and maybe take it into private, where the shirt might come off. Eventually you have enough confidence to start exploring one another's bodies, and finally you go the whole hog and have sex - only once you've had sex kissing isn't enough any more. It doesn't drive you. It's all about the sex, because you've advanced too far.

Well, my writing is kinda like that. So I've been experimenting with the styles of my writing - trying 'episodes' without dialogue, or episodes set entirely in a character's subconscious mind, during the aftermath of her near fatal suicide attempt. The most recent example would be a great two page letter that a character wrote to be included in a time capsule, during which we learn all about his past, how he got where he is today, how much he cares for his family, and his hopes for the future. It was the first time I ever cared about that particular character, and it did indeedio advance the series plot, by demonstrating how things change and dropping a hint of the change about to come. And though it broke from the series' traditions, it was probably the best episode of "The Kenchcuky Tree" that I've ever written.

It's a shame because I only have another dozen or so 'episodes' left to go on the two remaining episodic short stories that I write. After they're done, that'll be it - back to scripts, and comic books, and the occassional short story, but it'll never be like this again. The end of an era - one that developed my writing... Hell, it did more than that - it helped birth my interest in the medium. But I'm so glad it's over - that chapter, my childhood writing, is almost closed for good and I can move onwards and upwards into that adult writing world - which presents its own equally demanding challenges.

To the past, present and future!

Hey, Who Turned Out the Lights?

2008-12-02T23:51:00.000Z

Still can't believe how much it snowed last night! Woke up this morning and the ground was covered by the stuff - so much so I couldn't get the bus as the traffic was gridlock, and they weren't running! In the end I stayed at home and did... nothing!

OMGosh, I'd almost forgotten what the meaning of the word "fun" was, having spent the last week locked away in my tiny bedroom writing essays and scripts until the cows came home. Well today, I'm proud to say, I completed that first draft 15 page sample script which meant that (along with yesterday's bastard essay) my university work is, for the time being, complete!

The script is called "Memento Mori" (having previously been titled "The Pen and Paper Paradox") and follows one Kalvin Booker - a writer, who's father is attacked and killed by the notorious Cherry Hilton street gang. Kalvin and his cousin Evelyn swear revenge, but how far are they willing to take it, and at what cost?

An extract from the extract I produced as part of my submission:

INT. KALVIN’S HOUSE - THE KITCHEN

Evelyn cuts another piece of pizza, and then eats it. Close on her mouth as she chews the food, her jaw moving up and down, up and down - Kalvin watches, finding it quite disgusting, but wanting her to finish these last few pieces so that the dinner is over and is free.

Finally, Evelyn swallows, and she catches a quick glance of Kalvin looking her way. He looks away, nervous, having learnt his lesson last time. Evelyn picks up her final piece of food, and chews again.

Without hesitation, Kalvin picks up his own plate and leans across to take Evelyn’s - but her hand crashes down and stops him.

Quickly, she swallows her food, and looks at Kalvin.

It makes him a little uncomfortable, and he can’t keep his look back at him, choosing instead to look away.

EVELYN
Why are you in such a rush? Do you want to get away from me, or something?

KALVIN
No. I’m...I’m not in a rush.(a beat) I don’t know what you’re talking about.

EVELYN
Per-lease! You barely touched your food and then the second I’m finished you’re there like a whippet to ferret me away.

KALVIN
Well, I wasn’t. And if I was, I didn’t mean it.

EVELYN
You’re meeting her, aren’t you?

KALVIN
No. I..I just wasn’t in the mood for this, not tonight-

EVELYN
That’s why you’ve been spying that clock all night-

KALVIN
-Or any night for that matter.

EVELYN
-You’re counting down the minutes until your reunion with Miss Delusional-I-love-you.(a beat, realising what he said)What did you just say? You don’t want me here, is that it?

She stands, and it’s enough to send Kalvin cowering backwards into his seat. Evelyn stands tall over him now, looking down at him.

KALVIN
It’s not like that, I told you! It’s just...complicated.

EVELYN
But you do want me here?

Kalvin doesn’t answer, he can’t.

Evelyn watches him for a second, and starts laughing. It’s a fairly sinister laugh, and quite telling. She controls him, at last.

Not bad for a first draft attempt, methinks.

Now that's complete I've been able to enjoy myself a little bit more, and even got to watch my favourite episodes of Doctor Who's fourth series again, those penned by Steven Moffat, "Silence in the Library" and "Forest of the Dead" I honestly think they're genius pieces of television (even if they do borrow massively from the novel "The Time Traveller's Wife") I'm telling you, if River Song doesn't return to fulfill her destiny as the Doctor's 'friend' then there's no justice in this world. Should be quite interesting though; will she meet Tennant's Doctor number ten again before he regenerates in - I presume - Paterson Joseph?

And hey! Finally got my hands on the Vashta Nerada action figure this week, and I'm very impressed by it. Now, if only I could manage to track down those elusive River Song and Time Lord action figures, I'd be a happy man indeedio.

Have also been watching the BBC's impressive new "Survivors" series, but I've got to agree with what columnist Alison Graham wrote in the Radio Times magazine about the show's characters being a very specific range of stereotypes, like the lonely mum, or the 'reformed' prisoner, or the loner, or the Asians, or the slut, or whatever. It's a great series, but one feels that more time has been spent on the storylines, when it was due on those that they involved...

Away from the world of television, but not writing, I've picked up my pen again for the first time since around February, and have resumed working my way through that "2008 hotlist" I created at the turn of the new year. I realise it's been a while since I last updated about that project... I've now completed night on 40 of the stories I set out to finish, of 121, throughout this year. That leaves me a long way to go, and it'd be impossible to complete the task now - but I'm hoping at least to cut that final 80 figure down to maybe just 50 before this year is out. Impossible? Maybe. Worth a try all the same.

Finally, I feel it's about time I get my head around something (a 'something' I won't divulge here, on Blogger or Facebook with -potentially- others reading). Needless to say that my brain feels one way, and my heart the other - what's a guy to do? Guess it'll all become clear to me eventually, and I'll know whether or not to act on those feelings... That's the only hint that you're getting I'm afraid!

It's oh so cold this December night; and dark. Hey, who turned out the lights? ;)

Until next time, farewell and adieu.

Revenge of the Bastard Essay

2008-12-01T22:01:00.000Z

Around this time last week I wrote about a 2,500 word film theory essay that I was expected to write and produce, with today as deadline. Well, I'm pleased to say that progress was made and I got the thing ready in time - even though it meant I had to book the weekend off work (ironically, as a 'holiday' - it was anything but!) to get it completed.

Oh deary God, I've never felt such excruiating pain whilst attempting to write anything in my whole life, and it's my own fault really. The essay demanding a good level of research to be conducted (mine was on the theory of genre) and I just didn't produce the goods, meaning that I had very little insight into the subject matter, which they resulted in me not knowing what to write.

The later I left it, the more anxious I got. Thursday slipped me by and I had written was the first passage, the introduction, and that was barely 500 words. Then Friday, and it really hit home just how ill prepared I was, and how bad that was going to make my work in the end. That depressed me a lot, knowing that I didn't have it in me to carry on, and I'm man enough to admit that at one point the thought of quitting my university course altogether was a very real suggestion.

I just didn't feel vindictated enough being there. I'm not as atune to certain elements of the course as others are. Take editing, which I'm currently sitting every Wednesday, there's certain classmates in there who wiz through their work, and not only that what they do is brilliant. And I'm sat in the corner, with 30 minutes left to go, still assembling my clips in order, having not even started the editing process yet. Sitting there in my bedroom, unable to write through lack of knowledge, it just kinda brought everything home.

And I felt like I didn't deserve or want to be on my course anymore.

Thinking that made me more anxious and petrified than ever, which I decided probably wasn't the best conditions to write a script or essay under, so I decided that I'd take Saturday off entirely from the writing process (a risky trick that then left me with only Sunday and Monday morning to complete the work) to 'clear my head' and regain my sanity, and it worked, sorta.

I spent the day with my Dad and Step-Mum, and it was the most ordinary, boring Saturday ever - which makes it sound like the exact opposite of what you'd want your Saturday to be, but to me it was an extraordinary blessing. I can't remember the last time I had a Saturday off of work, or spent the whole day with my Dad. It felt so good to be able to do that, and so right. Just like old times - in the life before Vue Cinema, when I was growing up or even the period of time during college when Saturdays meant I got to see her, the girlfriend. Just for one Saturday I had the freedom of being able to do whatever I wanted back, and it felt great*.

(Funny story actually; I used Saturday night to clean out my room at Dad's house. I'm barely in it anymore, and so this was the first opportunity I'd got to clean the place up in like a year, or maybe eighteen months. Thing is, my room is in the loft and there are no windows - so the dust I unsettled stayed with me, and I had some allergic reaction or something. My eyes swelled and went blood red! Was quite painful, but hilariously funny!)

Coming back to the bastard essay n Sunday and I don't know if my day holiday worked or if I just suddenly got a sense of urgency, but the writing just started pouring out of me. Suddenly theories that made no sense whatsoever to me the day before were clear to me, and conjoined with other relative theories in my mind. I was a-go!

Still, I was foolish. I went to bed at 2am Monday morning with the essay incomplete, and didn't wake until 10am. The deadline was just 2 hours away, and I had another 1000 words to write - and knowing that I'd miss the deadline anyway, and rewarding myself for the work done so far, I slowed my pace and started messing around on the internet - writing the odd paragraph here or there, whenever I felt like it.

I had class at 6pm that night and knew I'd have to set off at least an hour and half before, which gave me until 4:30pm to complete my work, read over it and then edit out any mistakes. To say I managed the feat by a whisker would be an understatement. I barely managed it, but that didn't matter - what did was the fact I had managed it at all, especially after my weekend of fear, loathing and anxiety. I overcame them all, and defeated my doubts.

The essay is, in my opinion, highly flawed and I have no idea what sort of mark to expect from it, but I'm quitely confident that I'll at least pass. The real accomplishment at the end of the day isn't the grade or the half arsed research I did, but my survival through it all, because I didn't just quit like my inner-demons told me to. I took the hard path instead, and stuck by it, and in the end that paid off - I overcame the bastard essay and all its evils.

I have one more film theory essay to complete, before three and a half years of film theory study draws to an end. From next semester I'm focused on just television theory and its production.

Until that final bastard essay then, I guess!

Oh, and that 15 page script due in tomorrow...

Holy crap!

*Reminder to one's self, I must have Saturdays like this more often...

The Bastard Essay

2008-11-27T00:32:00.000Z

Right, so...ummm...you could say university is interesting right now. Of course, 'interesting' isn't exactly the word I'd use - I mean, the place is crazy! I have deadlines coming out of my ears. Not only do I have 15 pages of script to write before noon next Tuesday, but there's a pesky 2,500 word essay waiting also (only that's due in on Monday!!). Honestly have no idea if I can get it all done; I'll be cutting it fine, to say the least.

My main motivation right now is knowing that if I don't get my arse into gear, I'm going to fail. Big time. Me being me, failure isn't an option. It just isn't something I'm willing to face up to. Which means there's no easy way out - no quitting uni, or anything else just as extreme. I gotta see this through to the end; gotta get my ass moving, and some work done.

(It's funny, I'll no doubt read this back next year or in the years to come and laugh at all this, because by then REAL deadlines will be commonplace, and I'll find it hard to understand how I got myself so stressed out over 2,500 words of essay, and 5,000 words of script.)

The script incidentially has evolved so much this last fortnight, it's virtually unrecognisable - but it's all the better because of it. I've met with lecturer Anna Zaluckzowska and talked things through, and we both agreed that initially the structure just wasn't working - so I scrapped the whole fantasy element of the piece and decided to concentrate it all on this one guy's act of revenge, and the consequences for him after he gets it.

It's no longer the idea I set out to make, but for some reason I love it more than ever. Somewhere in that editing process I've learnt some fundermental rules about writing drama, and in the latest draft outline it shows - for the first time ever I have real conflict, and a real sense of a character on a quest. This is a real world, and I constructed it, and it makes perfect sense, and oh-check-me-out!

Right now I'm *supposed* to be working on that film theory essay - based on Steve Neale's work on genre in the 1980's - but thing is, I can't get my head around it. It's not that I don't understand the content of the articles I'm reading (I do) but that I have no idea what I'm supposed to be writing in reply. It'll come to me... it's gotta. For now though, I'm wasting my time online, doing things that don't need to be done just so I don't have to face that pile of film readings in my bedroom, and the call of the bastard essay.

Could always sleep I suppose, but then that's all I've been doing recently, sleeping. Has become my life (but then again I'm a student, so that's allowed). Just feels like I'm wasting my life at the mo... I'm drifting, ya know? Honestly can't wait until uni is over for good and I'm travelling the world. Maybe then I can move forward and stop stalling, or worse still remembering a yesterday that no longer exists.

Anyhoo.... back to that damn essay.

Fuck.

Wheel Turning

2008-11-20T01:36:00.000Z

Got home from uni to some surprising news, that my Nan has been rushed into hospital - just a few weeks prior to her 75th birthday - complaining of breathing difficulties. If that wasn't sad enough, she left Mum a telephone message, saying that she wasn't feeling too well and that she's saying goodbye for the last time. Silly woman, always talking like that. Of course I recognise she's not invincible; I've grown up surrounded by her diabetes and the complications it brings her - but that doesn't mean I'm ready to accept that this could be it for her, the final curtain. I don't think you ever could be, no matter how old your relative. There's always that hope that their life will carry on forever, and you never have to say goodbye.

Man, I hope this isn't the time I say goodbye.

Right now it's half one in the morning, and we still haven't heard anything back from my Mum, who's sat waiting with Nan in the A&E waiting room of North Manchester General. They've been there almost seven hours now... Not that I'm critical of the British medical system, or anything - clearly ;)

Guess I'm on edge at the mo. Last Saturday was the one year anniversary of Roger Manthorpe's death. It breaks my heart to know that the big fella has been gone for a whole year now, and that life has just carried on like normal since. Roger was an amazing guy, and whenever I'm sat writing, or editing, or directing a piece of work there's always a lovely moment where I think of him, and can't help but smile at his sense of humour and zest for life. It was taken away from him far, far too soon.

[Mum just got back. Nan's got a chest infection, a severe one at that, but I suppose we can call it good news.]

As ever, onwards and upwards. Scripts to write, essays to undertake, and so little time to do anything - anything at all!! December 1st seems to be the set deadline for a lot of that work, so I shall be glad when it's come and gone. And then..then...Christmas. Again. Only feels like yesterday the last one came around. The wheel keeps turning; faster and faster.

The 18th Birthday

2008-10-30T12:53:00.000Z

A trip down memory lane, taking us to the 19/2/2007...

***

MY 18TH BIRHDAY

This one sort of crept up on me. Now, that’s not to say I was completely ignorant to the milestone, or me about to meet it, because of course I was, like any normal person is. I remember when I was little counting down the years in my head till I reached today – my 18th – and the start of my adult life. Ultimately, when it came to it, the dying days of my childhood sort of just flew by, and my 18th hit me quite sudden and unexpectedly.

Now, I know what you’re thinking: how can that be? Did I not plan an elaborate celebration to mark the date? Short answer, no. Longer answer, of course not! I’m not that sort of person. I like to keep myself to myself, and remain pretty private. In other words, I viewed my 18th as just another day. At most it should be spent with the family. Alas, however, it was they who had other ideas.

Mum wanted to celebrate. She had every right of course, because this was her oldest child entering his adult life proper. Guess she wanted to make a big fuss, not only because – in her eyes – I deserved it, but because *she* did too. All that effort and work put into my growing up, finally paying off! And now, here at last, a chance to celebrate that! She simply couldn’t go amiss.

So I left her to it, Mum; content in her own little corner planning my big day, whilst I carried on with the life I was living at that point in time. It was the days I was still at Holy Cross College (second year) and dating Katie O’Donnell, an ex-girlfriend whom I lost touch with not so long after today. Normal life, for me, was juggling these two factors, as well as my writing, and everything else a modern day teenager is supposed to juggle madly.

Of course, I wasn’t juggling much of it successfully. My relationship with Katie was well passed its peak. We’d been together for well over a year by this point, and there was a distance setting in between us both. Bored of each other’s company, and unsure what to do about it, we were living each day directionless, struggling to stay afloat in the sea of adult living.

My college work wasn’t much better, dammit. I’d neglected to make a start on a 20 page Theatre Studies essay collection due in on the first day back after half term – coincidentally, my birthday. It meant that I spent pretty much the entire evening before hand typing madly, or scribbling insane notes down on paper. No time at all the night before my milestone birthday – work to be done; if not today, then maybe never! So I sacrifice the one thing I don’t actually need; the one thing that ever since I wish my 18th birthday had contained more of:

A little thing called SLEEP.

Still conscious from 10am the previous day, I begin my birthday date sat in front of the old family computer, adding the finishing touches to my essay notes. That completed, the family wake – and me a little cranky, I’m the most formidable birthday boy ever!

College follows my family’s three cheers, and I decide to keep things (at least there) grounded in normality. Nobody knows that today is my big day – well, except the electronic clocking in, which greets me not with the usual “Good morning/afternoon”, but with a surreal “Happy birthday Anthony!” – and I tell it to “sssh!” hoping that the folks behind don’t see and realise that today is a cause to celebrate. They don’t. The day continues as normal.

I have a number of lessons following that, including the aforementioned Theatre Studies (hey! Others haven’t completed their notes and have been granted extentions – no fair!) and then Film Studies, with a man I’ve since come to respect – Martin Lucas.

Lucas has set the class an assignment; to write, produce and then show a 5 minute experimental film. We’re supposed to be in groups of 2 or 3 for the task, but I’ve divided myself from everybody else, and come up with my own, very personal, story – “Self”, the tale of Horatio Maguire – a young aspiring writer – not too sure of his own abilities, or his worth as a writer. Hmmm, not too distant from my own feelings at the time.

Today, my birthday, was important as far as “Self” is concerned because it’s when the majority of my film was filmed. You see, my preference would have been to wait a day or too at least, and do as little work as I physically could on my birthday, but time constraints being what they are, I had no choice but to film on this date – otherwise the film would never have been completed.

There’s a nice scene in “Self” that was recorded on my 18th, and I’ll never forget it, because it’s the first time in my tiny career that everything on paper came together on screen. It features Horatio, walking down a corridor, alone. That’s it; but that’s all it needs to be, because it tells us everything we need to know about this guy, and the life he leads.

Up to this point, my life was like that. A lonely guy, a failure maybe, walking down an empty corridor, who knows where to. I guess the image haunts me, because that scene represents me, plain and simple.

Afterwards, once filming has wrapped for the day, and so has college, I return home, amid the daily ritual of walking the 3 miles back to where I live. Always fun, especially since I remember this Monday birthday of mine to be particularly rainy and generally pissy.

The next couple of hours are a blur to me. I remember getting ready, and everybody making a fuss of me around the house. Katie may have arrived during this period, or met me at the restaurant, I can’t remember. I do recall going to pick my Nan up from her flat, and seeing her smile and greet me with so much love and caring, the sort that only she can offer.

The family assembled, we sat around our table and ate.

The food wasn’t important, not at all, hence the reason – probably – why I can’t quite picture in my head what I did have to eat. It was just material. What really mattered was having all of my loved one sat together dining, getting along and –

-Hang on, did I say getting along?!

Firstly, I never invited my Dad or his second wife, Penny. Mum has never really seen eye to eye with either of them since the divorce, and seen as though this was her night that she’d spent months planning, I just couldn’t throw a spanner in the works by inviting him. Looking back, it’s one of my biggest regrets for that day – that my own Dad wasn’t even there to celebrate it with me.

Then there was the growing problems between the people who actually were there – namely Katie and my sister Donna, both sat around me, but taking the opportunity to bitch fight with the other, in a very female-only sort of way – you know the drill, one talks to the other and on the surface appears to say something nice (“I like your dress...”) then adds something else with takes away the surface value of the comment (being nice) and twists it into something sinister and quite appalling (“I like your dress... I didn’t know that colour was fashionable. Well, it suits *you*.)

So they’re at it all night, and I’m caught in the middle, catching stares off of Donna as if to say “your girlfriend is being nasty to me” and then, outside and separate from others, hearing my girlfriend break down and not quite knowing why, or what to do about it. I’d have probably handled the situation better, if it weren’t for the lack of...of...of...

Sleep.

All evening, you see, I’m sat there as this celebration goes on around me, one that Mum has spent so long planning and fixating over, and I’m too tired to even bother being a part of it all. I just wanna go home and sleep; on the one night that should have meant more to me than any other.

I couldn’t take it in. Worse still, I wouldn’t.

My overriding memory of that Monday night is seeing Mum giving me her presents (which included the sum of some £300 – a lot of money collected together by a woman who doesn’t have a lot of the stuff) and me just taking them, and not even responding. No genuine thank yous, or anything. To this day, that makes me feel so damn guilty, and in turn, ashamed of myself.

I realised sometime after that this wasn’t just my night, or Mum’s, or the uninvited Dad. This was about the family, watching me, a reflection of themselves. I let them down by proving a poor, unresponsive reflection – somebody half asleep to the world on their 18th, the very day they’re supposed to embrace it, and enter into it.

I got home later that night, and Katie left pretty quickly – for reasons I wouldn’t find out under much later. Nan was taken back home. My sister’s dissipated downstairs to watch television. Mum went to bed, and life returned to normal. My birthday was over, and I finally got that sleep at day’s end – though the experience would haunt me for some time afterwards...

At the weekend, I met Katie again and she explained herself to me. Why she’d been pretty snappy towards me, and left so suddenly on my birthday night. She wasn’t happy with my sister Donna’s treatment of her, or in turn, how I’d responded to it. Rather, how I didn’t. I got angry at Katie, and she got angry back, but somehow we managed to pull it together. I managed to show her just how much she did mean to me, and how nobody in the world meant more to me than her at that point in time. It was a good save, that probably rescued the drowning relationship – maybe not for long, but long enough.

And to this day, I always appreciate Mum’s efforts that little bit more, just like I should have done that night. She has such fantastic intentions, intentions that more often than not her son’s reactions and expectations don’t live up to. Well, I like to think, that at every opportunity given after this, they – my reactions and expectations – were more honest and appreciative than ever before.

It took an 18th birthday to make me realise just how good I’d actually got it. In some ways, that day was the peak of the ‘old me’ – the guy at college, living his life carefree, with a girlfriend he loved. Quite simple really. Well, simpler than the complexity that I current exist within. But I mean it, today was a peak – I never achieved this level of splendour again, which makes it all the more tragic that I never really lived the day to its full. I was too busy not sleeping, and not acting, and not doing much to celebrate.

So yeah, my 18th birthday might have slipped me by. I didn’t see it coming, or open my eyes when it arrived, but today – some time later – I appreciate it for all its worth, at last.

Three cheers: for missed opportunities, for failed celebrations, and for days of old when life was much simpler and a hell of a lot more fun.

Fast Food, Fast Rant

2008-10-21T23:02:00.000+01:00

Before I go off on one, I want to begin this little blog moan... erm, I mean 'post' of mine with a disclaimer. No doubt my sister Donna is reading - be it on my Facebook account where this ends up via RSS feed, or - which would surprise me immensely - here in this blog; so I just want to assure her that this post has nothing to do with her, honest!

You see Donna works at a nearby McDonalds restaurante. Right, okay, you now get that. She's worked there a long time now, and has worked her way up the ranks. That I respect. You can read into that that I have nothing against my sister. Love her to bits... mostly. The statement that follows = nothing to do with her.

Sorry Donna if you still think it does (it doesn't).

Okay, here goes:

I hate people who work in fast food outlets - be it McDonalds, or KFC, or Pizza Hut, or Burger King, or whatever. You see I was at BK today, stuck in an enlarged queue, when it hit me: I detest everybody and everything inside that building and buildings like it.

Why? Let's put it this way, nice and simple: I was caught in a queue for a good 20 minutes. Hmm, nothing wrong with that, you might add, but consider this, there was just one other person ahead of me in that queuing system, ONE MAN! The God damn cashier was just that slow that... well, I left the place hungrier than when I went into it! A whole meal's worth of food had digested by the time I was served.

What really gets me though is just how unapologetic the guy serving was when I finally got to the front, as if it's an every day thing that a cashier should cock up half a dozen times and cry for his manager to clear his till. I'll let you in on the secret: It's not. He's at fault, be it through stupidity, or just damn clumsiness. Say sorry to me; that one word translates as a million things, bucko!

And then of course you have the managers - usually 20 something, cocky-yet-unattractive women (again Donna - NOT ABOUT YOU!!) who think themselves Queens of their entire worlds, and the world around them. The way they speak to those cashiers, who may or not deserve it (mine did, but still, it's shocking to hear them treat him like that - just because somebody deserves something negative doesn't mean they should neccessarily get it...) is totally out of order. Honest girls - poke your head out of the store doors long enough to realise something; you're *just* fast food managers. Of all the things you could be manager of in this world, that's pretty low down. On all the things you could be in life, it's even lower down. Get a grip of reality, and get your head out of your asses.

To them you're just a customer who's worth a quick buck. Get your food, down it in one, either buy more food, or leave the shop - no doubt that's their ultimate wetdream, fast food folk. It's a disgrace just how much they look down on you. Hell, I bet crack dealers have more respect and admiration for their customers! But no, the FFF don't care about you or the dining experience you hope for. In/out, in/out - spread the bucks about.

Normally I'd say the food is worth it all, though. It's usually their one redeeming feature - but not any more. Not after shows like Jamie's School Dinners, or Super Size Me. They leave an overwhelming sense of guilt to the fast food diner, who are now collectively aware of the poor quality and maybe-dangers to health and sanity that fast food offer. Seriously, that simile I used about crack dealers extents to the their customers. I'm sure drug users feel less guilty about shooting up than fast food eaters do about opening up (their mouths).

Right now I'm trying to eat a little more healthy after a year of self-sabotage, eating lots and lots and even more lots of lots of crappy foods. Time I get a grip and pull back a little. Last few weeks I've been drinking nothing but water, and it's doing me the world of good. Of course, I'm still eating things like Ben and Jerry's ice cream, and Burger King, so still, not all is right with my diet!

Perhaps it's better for my health if I *do* avoid those fast food outlets (with their crappy quality food) and the FFF inside (because they drive me insane, clearly). Ulimately, it'd be the best thing for me. If we all followed that philosphy, and didn't just jump in there like mindless zombies, then perhaps the fast food bosses wouldn't take us for granted, and take notice of us customers again, and treat us how we feel we deserve to be treated.

I don't know, could that happen? Or are we over indulged in that FF culture? Can we seperate it from our daily lives, and regain control of food? I honestly don't know.

Next, please!

*Hmm... does nobody find it suspicious that at a time when petrol rises twofold in three/four years, and inflation is on the rise, that McDonalds haven't raised the price of any of their food for the last 15 years? I mean, Happy Meals were £1.99 when I was a wee bunny - surely they haven't shrunk the food that much, or cut much out, so what has changed/been dropped? Quality, maybe..?

Read My Mind

2008-10-06T23:56:00.000+01:00

I officially started back at university again today; the first day of second year. Boy, that feels weird. Doesn't feel like yesterday, does it, that I was sat here writing after my very first day? A million trillion things seperate then from now. Luckily I seem to have escaped that unhappiness that followed much of my first year there; we've got a brand new campus (the place actually looks like a proper uni should now! Shock! Horror!) and the journey there isn't so horrendous. Instead of one 60 minute bus journey, I'm now on two different buses, that eat up only half an hour of my time. Ergo, no more 95 route bus everyday. What a relief!

Somewhere over that long summer vacation my enthusiasm for the place - and the course especially - has renewed itself, also, meaning that I want to be there again. I'm quite happy spending three days of my week inside that place, learning the skills I want to know if I'm ever to follow that dream of writing professionally.

Honest, I've got no idea where that renewed enthuisasm came from. Maybe it was just a natural thing; my batteries had run so low (especially after the nightmare experience filming "Semblance of Norm") that a break from the place - and writing in particular - was just what I needed. Of course, a break away isn't always the best option...

I'm finding it extremely hard getting back into the swing of things writing wise, after a summer I virtually wasted. I had all these grand plans and intentions, and didn't follow through on any of them. It makes me feel so guilty, that I have this talent and I just let it go to waste. It sickens me, sometimes, to think that there's people out there who live their lives not knowing what their potential could be, and here I am just wasting my own.

That's why I'm detirmined that, from this point, it's about time I get down to business and actually DO SOME WORK. Oh God, I've gotten lazy. Too damn lazy. And, as a writer, that's not a good thing - how could it be? I've started to use excuses, too, which is just as bad. Like "I can't write today, I'm still hung up about my ex", or "work! work! work!" or "Let me watch a DVD instead, huh?" Not good enough Mister! Get down to it, and stop wasting that potential.

Which brings me to the blog title. Aside from being one of my favourite Killer tracks (the Killers are the current soundtrack to my creativity) it represnts an experiment I'm conducting upon myself, to see if I'm capable of writing a script without making notes of any kind. I have to live with the idea from its genesis through to natural conclusion all inside my head. It's what writers like Russell T Davies and Alan Bennant do, isn't it? Their philosphy is that once ideas hit a piece of paper, they're never quite as fresh again, and I think that's too. I'm so good at planning, but I over-expose myself in the stuff. Once it comes to the actual writing, the ideas have lost something. I dunno what; charm maybe?

So that brings us up to date. The idea I'm going to conduct the experiment upon is a nice little script, called "Does It Need Saying?" I already have an idea mapped out for the first scene, or two, and we'll see where the journey takes me from there. Exciting, huh?

Anthony's Things of Old

2008-09-24T15:03:00.000+01:00

It's funny how much things mean to us, isn't it? I don't mean the obvious - family, friends, pets, etc. I'm talking about the smaller things, that embed themselves upon our lives. Take myself as an example (which is good, considering this is my blog and all...) I've had these pair of plimsoles going on two or three years now, and considering they weren't flashy Converses or anything, just the cheap variant, then that's quite an achievement. I've become attached to them, which makes it all the more heartbreaking then that, after taking them around the world to Portugal, they're finally falling apart.

I know what a sensible person would do; what decision they'd reach.

The shoes should be thrown away, and a new pai bought.

Only... I can't.

These shoes house so many memories - like the fact that I only got them because of David Tennant's Doctor (Doctor Who). I'd never even considered buying a pair of plimps before them because, frankly, they were a little uncool in my eyes. Seeing Mr. Wibbly-Wobbly wearing them changed that perception forever, and now they're practically the only type of footwear you'll see me in!

Also, I remember wanting to get a pair for months before I actually did, but my girlfriend at the time not wanting me to have them! She said they were 'bad', or some bullshit like that! Eventually I stepped out of her shadows, and ignored the bossy cow and just got them anyway! That first pair, the ones that just died on me, that lasted so long.

They were with me when I went to London, and Wales, and Portugal. I wore them through my break-ups, my pleading get-back-with-mes. My eaxms. My job interview. University. I remember looking down at them in, holding back the tears after finding out that Roger Manthorpe had died. They've been with me through thick and thin, and I can't bare to say goodbye to them.

Of course, they're just material possession. They shouldn't cause a reaction like that, because ultimately, they are just things. Objects. Nothing more. So why does it hurt me so much that they're finally bidding adieu?

I guess, much in the same way as we do with our pets, we put something of ourselves into the world around us, and appreciate it that little bit more than we should because, for exactly that reason, it is our world - moulded in our own shape, to our comforts.

It pains us to throw away those things of old because it's like letting go of our own past - which means we have to look to the future, and that's scary, because who knows what's around that corner? Could be anything. Change brings the unexpected, and who wants that? We'd much rather have the same old things surrounding us, all through life.

Equally that's why we break down when people leave our lives, because it means starting new relationships; making an effort, to move forward and embrace the change/unexpected.

Perhaps it's time to throw those shoes away? Yeah, definitely. Out with the old! It's the only way I'm going to move forward, fall in love with some new plimps, and have some kids with th- Erm... scratch that last point. Definitely scratch it ;)

The Maybe Train

2008-09-23T21:34:00.000+01:00

Excluding the Metrolink, it's unusual for me to use rail as my preferred choice of transport. Infact I can't remember the last time I was on a train, must have been at least 6/7 years ago, when Mum took us on a day trip to Blackpool. An eternity ago... before she could afford her own car, or the petrol to drive back and forth to the seaside.

Today I was subjected to a train journey, as circumstances required me to travel to Preston, for a mildly important work meeting - one we whole every quarter, and usually at a site just around the corner from me. So, a slight inconvience this time then!

Almost got lost on the outward bound side of the trip. You see, I asked an attendee at the train station what platform I was required to take, and he answered me... only, he clearly wasn't British, and it was hard to fully comprehend what he was saying. Though I tried my hardest, I misunderstood - and got the wrong train!

Ended up in a place called Stalybridge, which I'd never even heard of before today. Honest, I coulda cried, as I realise that Stalybridge was THE OPPOSITE DIRECTION as to what I wanted to go... Ooops!! Tail between my legs, I had to get the same train I just got off (which, luckily, had been waiting around for a good quarter of an hour) - and then make the same journey I just took back into Manchester...

And then, that's when it happened - that's when I saw her, one of the most attractive girls I ever did see, sat opposite right to me. She was about my age, with blonde hair (though her brunette roots were showing through - tut!!) and wearing this very red, very flattering jumper. You know, the sort of chic jumper that looks like casual schoolwear for adults, if that makes sense. I'm sure there's a technical name for 'em, but who cares?! It's a jumper... hello people, girl!!

I remember doing that thing that all shy-but-interested people do - keep looking her way, and hoping that she was looking back. At first, she gave me nothing. Didn't even notice me. But I carried on, because a) I liked her, and b) I'm clearly desperate. Eventually, through the corner of my eye, I could see her looking at me for split seconds here and there, and then...

She did it. The ultimate sign. And... OMG!!

She looked at me, and then flicked her hair - playing with it a second, before looking at me again. I decided there and then that she must be interested in me, so I decide to respond - by maybe looking at her and smiling, but every time I do I bottle it and look away. I just can't do it; after two serious girlfriends and lots, and lots of flirting inbetween I guess I'm still shy around girls.

So I carried on looking, but nothing else. I try my best to act cool, and sit back in my chair and close my eyes. I only open them to look at her reflection in the mirror (by this point I'm aware of how much I've been looking at her, and how creeped out she must have been because of it at this point!) Occassionally, I might look at her or her surroundings again - but never expect anything further from her, but then she totally surprises me. In a good way.

One of those times I nervously inch my eyes towards her, she looks at me! And smiles!! Well, that strange 'half smile' where you raise your bottom lip just enough to let the other person know that you're there, and showing them that you are aware of their presence. I do the gesture back, and suddenly know that I've just met this incredible girl, and she might like me! My belly fills with butterflies (ooh, how I've missed them! Last time I had them = February, when I first met the ex) and bucketloads of thoughts, and potential.

Of course, I never get round to talking to the girl. Hello... shy!! We arrive back at Manchester, where we both get off and go our seperate ways, but in a way, that was enough. It was just so nice to sit there, even for that short space of time, and know that this beautiful girl sat so close to me just might be interested. Brought a smile to my face, hours later and sat inside that tedious work meeting, just thinking about it.

I have no idea what could have been if I had spoken to her. I'll never know, unless the Gods align and by some miracle she visits this site and reads this blog post, or I see her on Facebook, or whatever. It doesn't matter, ultimately, because I made a connection with another human being - me, Mr. Cranky Pants Loner. And for that twenty minutes or so, that felt amazing - and in a strange way just sitting there falling for a girl I've never even spoken to, or indeed saw, before today... well, it made me feel so alive.

Dead of Night

2008-09-22T00:48:00.000+01:00

You'll find me here most nights, sat on the downstairs computer to God knows what hour in the morning re-visiting the same old websites; sites that I've already checked out at least two or three times during the daytime. There's no real reason why I should be sat here at this time, just seems like an easy way to waste a couple of hours.

Of course, I'm not *always* here. Occassionally I'll use these oh-so-friendly hours to write, or at least plan, scripts. 'Cos of the quiet nature of - say - three in the morning, what with everyone in bed and all, it's so easy to just sit down and write, because you're not being disturbed by anybody else. A problem I have a lot of the time when I'm daylight writing, as I like to call it, is that the family shout me downstairs EVERY OTHER MINUTE. It's hard to concentrate, which makes it impossible to write.

That silence that these hours brings... there's nothing quite like it. It allows all of them voices inside one's head to wonder free, undisturbed, and come to the surface to inform me, or harm me, or whatever the hell it is that thoughts do to one's mine this late at night when energy levels are sunk, and consciousness is slipping!

Tonight I've had a more productive than usual night. Took time out to watch the pilot episode of HBO's The Wire, which I've had on DVD for over six months now and despite raves reviews, haven't had the time to watch. I quite liked it; very complex storytelling, that leaves me wanting more. Yep, even this late at night, I recognise what's good for me, and how great drama should be documented.

Also, been planning some more of my oh-so-fave "Frank's Apocalypse" series. It's been almost a year now, and here's where those 366 days have taken me - I have an episode one clearly mapped out but not yet written, a clear indication of where the rest of the series will take me, and - most important, this one - the characters that'll join with me for it. Progress is, very slowly and painfully, being made - promise...

Which takes me up to this very blog post - an experiment of mine to see if I can actually write cohesive text this late at night. You're the reader, so tell me, did my experiment work? Am I cut out to write at this midnight hour, or should I really be tucked up in bed, dreaming of a world that couldn't be? Dunno myself; night time does crazy things to your head.

As is apparent by this surreal and disjointed blog post of mine.

Night, all.

Character Assassin

2008-09-19T11:18:00.000+01:00

Have spent pretty much all of the last week locked away in my bedroom writing. It's been a long time coming - feels like an eternity since I last picked up my pen and did anything (my last completed script, excluding the very special just-for-a-friend "Admission for One", was waaaaaay back in March; oh my!) So I'm off on my interlectual travels, and I feel all the better for it.

I'm writing the fourth issue in the third volume of "Assassin" adventures, a comic series I first started writing almost five years ago now - gosh, was it really January 2004?! Each volume consists of exactly eight issue, meaning I'm about halfway through this current collection now. That's the good news. And the bad?

I started writing volume tros April 2006!!

That's almost as bad as Douglas Adams, with regards to his infamous sixth Hitchiker's Guide to the Galaxy book, that never arrived before his ultimely death in 2001.

The curious thing is that the last issue was written just a few weeks before my break-up with ex-girlfriend Katie O'Donnell; a break-up that broke my heart and made me angry for such a long time afterwards. Guess that's why I stopped writing the comic then, because of the anger? Maybe it was work commitments, or perhaps just an insecurity that I had no idea where to take the series next, I dunno.

So that's back on track, which I think is great. Unless you're a writer yourself you can't possibly understand how healthy one's mind feels when it's got an active project on the go - all these clogs that have stopped turning and started collecting manky cobwebs suddenly start turning again. It's like now, I'm waking up in the morning with a purpose, a little something - a commentary on the world around me. In that way (a very, very personal way, mind) I feel like I'm making some sort of difference to the world around me.

It's like I matter.

Anyhoo, saw Tropic Thunder yesterday. It's a blast... in parts. It's what I like to kindly refer to as a letter "W" film - in that it peaks beginning, middle, end. All the rest just happens to be fodder to what comes next. It's funny none the less; though, without giving TOO much away, the trailer does reveal a vital plot point...

You have been warned, folks!

I'm off again now - there's a bedroom, pen/paper and the prospect of a deeper meaning because of it all waiting for me up there...

The Old King is Dead (Long Live the King!)

2008-09-12T14:49:00.000+01:00

For some reason, I slipper yesterday and despite my reported nobility, I did what I'd promised myself I wouldn't do. Without going into specifics, it was a stupid attention seeking stunt that in the long run has only backfired on me and left me further apart from the one person I call a friend. Pretty sad I know, which is the reason why I'm writing this, almost as if I'm turning over a new leaf. I know, I know, I've said it before - but I mean it this time.

I gotta be stronger in myself, and have a little respect for myself and the thoughts that I think. I'm so quick to ask others for advice about how to live my life, but you know what? I'm clever enough (and certainly independent of others) to make my own judgements. I have a problem, then it's time I start dealing with it myself, not bragging about it (sometimes I do just that, like I'm sporting a new haircut or something with the bad news in my life) to others - at work, or elsewhere.

If I'm going to be an adult then it's time the people around me have trust that they can tell me whatever they want, and I won't go shouting out about it to other people who they might not want knowing. This exact reason... it's how I let Clare down. Telling people things they had no right knowing. Well, I won't let it happen again.

So this is me, the new me, that you'll be seeing a lot more of around these parts. Much less the gossiper, and much more of a respected listener who people actually want to talk to, because they trust me.

It's the way forward - listen, don't tongue wag.

Oh Dear...

2008-09-10T21:04:00.000+01:00

It was envitable, really. Had to happen. Sod's law. Woke up this morning, and within seconds I started to remember the events of yesterday - my break up with Clare, and the feeling of a weight being lifted that followed straight after it. Oh dear, I thought, what have I done?!

It's strange to experience hindsight so soon after something has happened, but looking back on yesterday I can still see that the outcome was the best way forward for me and Clare - but now I miss her more than ever before, and I'm kinda regretting the choice we made. Why didn't I show even a little resistence to the break up? Why didn't I let her know just how much she did mean to me? Why did I moan so much, at a time when I've never been happier?

Ultimately I have to just accept what happened, and hope for the best with regards to the future. Clare is still there in my life (unlike Katie) and I feel her presence - she's a fantastic lass, who I love to bits. We both chose this path, and we've got to live it. That part of me that wants her back has to realise the reasons why we've chosen to seperate - and realise that it *was* for the best :)

So, what now? Well I carry on like normal. Just me, living my life, taking in experiences and trying my damn best hardest to be happy. I'm writing my very first sequel, a follow-up to "Self" titled "The Other" - that reunites audiences with the Horatio Maguire character, in a story loosely based upon my experiences last year regarding the death of my friend Roger Manthorpe. Dunno if we'll film it yet, but fingers crossed!

It's a different sort of beast to "Self" - full of confidence and paranoia, about a guy who's learnt a few life lessons and can't believe where fate has taken him. He's on the verge of something big, even if he doesn't realise it yet - and if he would just open his eyes, he's see all this beauty around him and the pain that seeing such things brings.

No doubt as I'm writing that I'll return to the dozen or so other scripts that lie half completed in my bedroom. It's that fun period (oh, the irony!) where I'm getting pumped up for my return to university knowing that, soon, I won't have a chance to write the things I want to write, or even do the things that I want to do. For the next seven and a half months I'm prisioner of Bolton Uni - they are my puppeteers, controlling my every waking thought.

I return October 7th. Oh dear, indeedy.

Noble Goodbye

2008-09-09T22:45:00.000+01:00

I'm proud of very few things I've done in my life. Infact, I could probably name all of my proudest achievements on one hand - there's my "Self" script, to name just one example. But taking all those things into consideration, and this sounds kinda pathetic, I've still not ever felt noble or nobility about my life. Not once.

Until today.

Today I split up with my girlfriend, and it was the right thing to do. We've been together for the past five months, and it's not been going great. The first month was fantastic and we had some of the best times of our lives, but then things changed and she went away to New Zealand, a place she stayed for the next three and a bit months.

At first we messaged one another almost every day, and she rang and text me too. Then, slowly over the weeks, the messages dried up and so did the texts. Though I was still messaging her, she wasn't communicating with me at all, and that wasn't a healthy step in our relationship to say the least! She returned at the end of July, and having not talked all that often and her having been through all these wild adventures out there, I no longer recognised her.

I spent the next month trying to catch up with her and learn who she was again, but things didn't progress all that well. I tried and tried (honest I did) but Clare was just too busy leading her own life to give me and our relationship the energy and attention I/it needed. So things deteriorated further, and more than ever before, I had no idea who I was dating, or indeed, why I was dating her.

Then I went away on holiday, and the final straw! She never messaged me, not once. Not a message, or a text. Nada. And it pissed me off so badly that I blew my top, and called an "emergency meeting" between the two of us - a talk where we both came to the realisation, of something that I've known for a while now but not wanted to admit, the relationship was not working.

And here's where, at last, my nobility comes into effect. We both realised that, and didn't hate each other. Infact, the way we were talking to each other, it was like the old days again. No longer tied by the title of boyfriend or girlfriend, just friends - closer than ever before! We sat and talked, and understood what each other needed - and I realised, where Clare is right now, she can't afford to have me in her life.

She's about to start university, and these past few months I've only been bringing her down, causing upset and emotional trauma. For her sake, it's best we're not 'together' - she can go off, a single girl, and have a blast at uni, not worrying that she's forever tied to what lies back at home, or whether she's messaging me enough. We're friends now; I can support her just like always, but need not hold her back from doing what she needs to do.

So I was willing to say goodbye to her (for now) knowing that she's a stronger woman as a result. Knowing that our relationship, whilst not sexual, is better than ever. Key to any boyfriend/girlfriend 'ship is the friendship, and we've been without it for a while now. This gives us a chance to get back to the roots of what made us so special together, and rediscover the reason why I fell in love with the girl in the first place.

I'm sacrificing my girlfriend and what could have been 'there' in order to make things better, and build a very different sort of relationship with a girl I love, because if I don't then ultimately we won't have any sort of relationship, and that will break my heart, and her's too.

There we go Clare, my noble goodbye - for you, and us.

Sun Burn

2008-09-05T22:24:00.000+01:00

There was a time, it's silly I know, when I hated holidays. Honestly, I did! I used to think that they were distracting, and took away from the jobs one has to do at home. But then I lightened up and realised just how damn essential vacations are - because, after all, a little R&R can do wonders for the body, and mind.

Take me; it'd been over a year since my last time away from home and I was starting to feel the strain. 365 days of work and university and relationships and all that strop had gotten on top of me! Then, over a week ago, I went away to Praia Da Oura in the Algarve, Portugal - and now I'm feeling top of the world again!

That period away gave me a chance to have some time on my own, and widen my experiences. I went on a historic tour of the Algarve region, and learnt a little culture! Also, safari! Oh yeah! I came back home having saw a little more of this world of ours, knowing a little better where I fit in back at home, and also knowing that - ultimately - I want to go out there again to travel and explore these lands a little more. Planet Earth, you're mine!

To holiday successfully, you gotta have the sun, and boy did we! Ususally, I burn pretty intensely, but somehow I managed to avoid it this time... well, almost! The last two hours(!) I fell asleep waiting for the coach - in the middle of suffering from a mild case of alcohol poisioning (don't ask, seriously, don't ask) and my t-shirt rolled halfway up my chest - meaning that I've now got half a burnt/peeling belly. Thanks, Portuguese sun!

But if we ignore the sun burn, I've come back so refreshed. Mentally I feel as though my batteries are charged again. They might not be a full 100%, but they're higher than before! Emotionally, with my girlfriend Clare, I've felt a little strain recently. Things just haven't been working out, just ask any of my friends who've seen how unhappy I've become. Now (hopefully, at least) things will be different. Perhaps these batteries, too, will be back up and things will improve for the better??

Of course, this good cheer is a little fruitless - I've yet to return to work! No doubt, when I do it'll be all chaos and running around again, and the energy levels will just drop down to zero once more. I dunno, hope not. I've become a little sick of waking up each day, if I'm honest, and not wanting to get out of bed because I just *can't*. Seriously, life's become a drag - that holiday, as fun as it was, has convinced me otherwise. Life is fun; you just need to know how to live a little.

So, despite the sun burn, thanks Portugal!

Coldplay Saved Me

2008-08-11T22:42:00.000+01:00

I have this thing about Sundays - they depress me. Always have and probably always will. No matter what I'm up to, I can't escape the feeling that each and every Sunday I'm just wasting my day, doing nothing - waiting for Monday and the next week of days to arrive. Yesterday wasn't any different.

Strange thing is, I actually had a reason to be depressed yesterday. Ya see, I learnt something that I wasn't previously aware of; regarding my girlfriend and a comment she may or may not have made off the cuff to one of our friends, that - if true - isn't exactly the greatest news one would want to hear. Especially on a ruddy Sunday.

A little depressed, I went up into Projection at work and talked to my good friend Chris, and stayed there longer than I probably should have done; just talking about life, and love, and all the things that we wanna do with our lives, but find excuses not to do. It was a good chat, but one that left me even more depressed than ever before - because I realised something. I don't wanna be here anymore in rainy England. I've started getting this itch for adventure and travel - I want to escape and see the world.

But at the minute, that's the last thing I can do. I've got two years left at uni, and all sorts of other commitments. But don't get me wrong, it's coming. June 2010, I'm taking a year or two out and just going to have a little fun exploring this bizarre world of our's.

Anyhoo, I'm rapidly getting off topic. So, Sunday is depressing, and today of all days, it's more depressing than ever before. I'm seeing the glass half empty, when... it happens.

I get a taxi, and it's exactly what I needed at that precise moment in time.

So, okay, I was over charged, the seat wasn't that comfy, and the driver was as mad as a dingbat - but, hell, the driver was as mad as a dingbat!! He sat there, singing along to Coldplay's "Viva La Vida" and listening to him massacre what Chris Martin has already massacred, I realised just how good and wacky and insane it all is. Don't ask me why, but Coldplay coming out of that taxi driver's mouth, it sounded so beautiful (but sooooo off key ;) ) and I just knew - though I've no idea why...

Everything was gonna be okay.

Even if it was still Sunday.

My New Leaf

2008-07-30T22:14:00.000+01:00

A few people I know who read this little blog of mine (hello!) got in contact the other day, after reading my previous blog entry. You see, they kinda got the wrong end of the stick - believing that the post was me down in the dumps, depressed about the state of my life. Oh no. Well... not quite. It was me complaining about how crappy things have been recently; but more than anything else, it was me looking to the future, quite optimistic that good things were coming my way.

Things have already started changing, for the better. I wrote Clare a letter earlier this week, to sorta apologise for the way I've behaved whilst she's been away in New Zealand. You see, I wasn't the strong, reliable boyfriend she needed during her travels. I was a whinny, almost selfish mess - demanding far too much of her time, at a point where she was supposed to be out there having the time of her life. Well, my response to that? I will be strong; I will be the sort of guy she deserves again. I don't doubt it.

Next week it's back to my scripts, one thinks! I've the "Shitwank & Dualiet" piece to complete, not to mention my "Frank's Apocalypse" commitments, and whatever else I feel like writing come August time!! Before I know it, it'll be back to university - and I'll be moaning that I have too little time to write the damn things! ;)

Might go and watch the new "X Files" movie this weekend, even though I've heard nothing but bad reviews surrounding it. Saying that, I've always have a nostalgic fondness for both Mulder and Miss Scully; they scared the shit out of me every Sunday night growing up and watching the show on BBC Two. Remember those damn cockroaches that they investigated one week?!

Might go... no, never mind. I was going to joke about watching "Space Chimps", but what'd be the point. The film looks amazing...ly shite, and I just can't be bothered even joking about it, to be completely honest!

(You know, typing this my finger just started aching - I'm one of those "one finger" typers; never got round to learning how to type properly! Yep, my bad - I'm a writer. A slow writer too, apparently! So hey, my one sole typing finger is allowed to ache sometimes, okay...?)

I owe my faithful Nan a trip to the cinema. Promised her an AGE ago that we'd watch "The Dark Knight" together - only she's been stuck away in Wales this past week or so, meaning she couldn't watch the staff showing at work with me and Dad. She missed out... now we've got to pretend that we didn't see the film without her. Oops.

Anyhoo, most important thing is that Clare is back, and boy - have I missed her! Have no idea when I'll see her next. She's a busy lass, and I'm a busy guy. Could be as late as next week sometime. To be honest, I wouldn't mind if I didn't see her until then; means she has the rest of this week and the weekend to reunite with her family, spend some quality time with them, and catch up with all of her friends. Hope they're all smiling as much as I am knowing they've got her back :)

That's me done for another day. I could go on, but you know what? The news has kinda depressed me - all this talk of credit crunches, and political coups, and everything else. Sometimes it's exhausting (emotionally!) living in this fair land of ours. Till next time, I guess.

Bedroom

2008-07-29T12:35:00.000+01:00

End of April, my girlfriend went away for three months to New Zealand. Round about the same time, I finished university for the summer, and went into work and told them I could work full time hours. They never got back to me (in a move, surely, to cutback on staff hours) so I was stuck working just the weekends, and the odd Thursday shift too. Damn.

Normally I wouldn't moan about all of the free time this creates, but truth is - it's been bloody murder! With spare time, I usually sit down and write a script - anything from a short film that might end up being filmed, or the odd issue of my comic "Darkened Avenue"; which nobody will ever read. Trouble is, this summer, I can't! My head's not in that place; you know, the place that writers tap into for inspiration and ideas.

Dunno if that's because I'm missing my girlfriend so much, or because I'm still exhausted from the past year at university, or work, or whatever. I don't know. Have not got the foggiest. All I know is that I can't write, and it leaves me very little else to do!

Ya see, I've never been much of an outdoors person - this past week of sun and heat has been a living nightmare for me! Felt like I was gonna faint a few times! When I do go outdoors, it's usually on little adventures, but you know the rule about adventures - you shouldn't really have them on your own, and me? I've had nobody to share mine with, so they've been shelved!

This all amounts to one thing: my summer of 2008, spent mostly in my bedroom - watching films and television programmes on DVD. Yep, sad I know, but it's the best and only way I've had of passing the time between uni finishing and Clare coming back home - watching the likes of "Angel" or "The Office" or "Babylon 5". An easy way to waste time.

Because, let's face it, that's why I've been doing it; why I've locked myself away in the bedroom watching TV so much - because it can make you the most passive person in the world. Time goes by and you don't even notice them, the hours of the day, slipping you by. Guess that's the great tragedy of my summer - not that I've spent so much time watching DVDs; but that I did so because I knew it'd waste time (valuble time, I'll never get back).

I let summer pass me by in that bedroom, because I wanted it gone. One day I'll look back and think how wrong that was, and how - then - I'll want that lost time back.

Oh bedroom of worry, bedroom of shame - I'm telling myself, never again.

He Goes Left (I Stay Right)

2008-07-22T19:52:00.000+01:00

One of the most frustrating things about working in a cinema is just how often you lose the people you care about. Staff turn over is extremely high, meaning that the folks you call friends often move onto pastures new and - worse still - leave you behind, all on your lonesome, at work. I've seen it happen too many times before.

There was this guy who I was particularly close to. Now, understand this, I don't make friends very easily. Never have. But this guy, well we talked that often and I feel he understands me enough to justify my calling him a true, loyal 'friend'. And he left on Sunday. Bastard.

It was one of the first lessons I learnt at work, to accept that people you like will leave, and other people will join the party later on. Guess it's one of the many reasons why I find it so hard to connect to the newbies; because I know there's a good chance that these new employees won't be around for very long, so what's the point going through the pain of getting to know each and every one of them if they're just going to leave, and we'll never keep in touch.

Generally I'll wait a while before I make an effort, a true effort, with people at work, and try to connect with them, and learn a little something about them - because if they last a month or so, then chances are they won't go disappearing so fast, and they'll be around for a while at least.

So yeah, it's sad to lose somebody from the team. Everytime it crushes me, but I tell myself that the world goes on, it must do. Just because a departure has been made, doesn't mean the rest of us don't carry on - because we must. It's how things keep moving forward. It's how progress is made. So goodbye old friends, you'll be missed - but here's to whatever lies ahead.

Wherever You Go (They'll Be)

2008-07-21T19:25:00.000+01:00

There's this tradition that I have at work, and it started a while ago. You see, when I first started working at the cinema there was this CD that played inside the screens as we cleaned them - but the music was terribly out dated and irritating. Stuff like Tony Christie's "Amarillo", to name just one. After a couple of months of listening to that drivel, I couldn't cope.

So, a tradition started. Everytime a new "Now That's What I Call Music!" CD came out in shops, I'd buy it and play it in the screens. It means that we have new(ish) music in the screens, and then three or four months later, the CD is replaced and we get something new.

Today the new Now! was released; only number 70 is quite living up to expectations. Ya see, CD one is just about bareable, but the second... geez, don't get me started. Put it this way, a fair chunk of the cinema's audience are over 50, and they ain't gonna be happy with the number of club tracks on that CD. They'll have a meltdown!!

Nevertheless, good music still exists. Take this track for example - it's called "Five Years On" and is by a group called Noah and the Whales. It's a lovely little track, which I can totally relate to. People change. Places change. Change happens, because it must, and we gotta be ready.

I've said before on this blog, I have no idea where I'll be in five years time. Hopefully I'll be happy, having fun and adventures aplenty. It's strange looking ahead, because it's impossible to predict things that haven't even happened yet - but I'm optimistic.

Something I am definitely looking forward to in the next couple of weeks would be Clare's return. I remember sitting down a long time ago thinking, 'she'll be gone an eternity'. Well, she has been gone an eternity, but the time has flown by!

The "Five Years On" song talks about a relationship, and whether it'll stand the test of time. I hope that what I've got with Clare does, because she's different you know, different to everything that ever came before. She isn't Katie, which is a good thing. She's her own woman, and I never feel the need to compare. Besides, I don't have to - my feeling for Clare are much deeper and much more understood than my feelings for Katie ever were.

Clare is a blessing, and I love her to bits. She's back soon, don't cha know, and I'm gonna do everything in my power to make her feel like the happiest girl alive.

Who knows, "Five Years On" we could be happier than ever before :)

Into the Void

2008-07-17T23:15:00.000+01:00

Rather surprisingly, this is my 200th post here on this merry blog! Whoa, when did that happen - and where did all the time go? So much has changed since that first post way back in January 2006. Hell, so much has happened, so much change, since that 100th post this time last year. Still, through it all, I have that passion for writing; the feeling that with it, my life is going somewhere. I have direction.

But that doesn't mean that the future doesn't scare me, because going into this business, I know it'll be tough. Script writing is hard, but to paraphrase Horatio Maguire (hero of my short film "Self") nobody ever said it was gonna be easy. And I know that; and it both scares me and exhilerates me. Out there, who knows what waits for me?

With all the who-ha over reality television and the popularity it's gained, nobody is quite sure what the future is for British television drama. Yep, the soaps will still exist in some form - they're the bad apple that just won't get the hint and go away - but what of the rest of the UK's dramatic output? Will it be bigger than ever before (fingers crossed) or will the likes of Big Brother wield the final death blow..?

Anyhoo, that's so far away! Let's worry about that when the time comes. For now, I'm looking to the not-so distant future. My girlfriend Clare returns from three months abroad in a matter of weeks, and I'm quite looking forward to it! Thing is though, if I was her - having spent 100+ days in an exotic land - boring old Manchester just wouldn't interest me anymore.

And, hey!! I'm part of that - I'm Mr. Boring Manchester (perhaps I should rephrase that...) What I'm trying to say - not too successfully - is that I sum up life back home, to a degree. What if she really has changed and no longer sees home for what it is? She won't want me anymore; because I don't live up to those wild adventures she's been having half a world away.

Fingers crossed that won't happen; but my instincts tell me that things have indeed changed her end, and I can't quite put my finger on why. She doesn't really talk to me that much anymore, which I'm like 99.9% sure is just because she's busy enjoying herself. But still, that 0.1% doubt s there - what if she isn't all that chatty is because she doesn't wanna chat with the likes of me?

I'm such a worrier, yes? Wouldn't have it any other way.

Happy 200th.

Horrible is Ha-Ha He-He

2008-07-15T23:21:00.000+01:00

Joss Whedon has done it again; he's gone out and produced another musical that I can't get out of my head. I am of course referring to his new internet sensation, "Dr. Horrible's Sing-A-Long Blog", which debuted online here earlier today - and it's fab!!

As I've said before on this blog, I love the Whedon and virtually everything he writes (with the exception of maybe his "Runaways" stint for Marvel Comics, and some of the later "Astonishing X-Men"s) and this little three act, 42 minute comedy/drama/musical/parody is no different. I mean, you gotta love a guy for his sarcasm; and nobody does sarcasm better than Whedon*

Keeping with the music theme, I finally got round to buying the soundtrack to the sentimental (but at times, overated, also) "Juno". It's a fab collection - I'm particularly impressed with Barry Louis Polisar's "All I Want is You", and you gotta give a little respect to any album that contains the Kinks' "A Well Respected Man". Best £5 I spent today? Maybe.

I say 'maybe', because I also saw "Mamma Mia!" at the pictures. I know I don't have to technically pay to get in there - it's free for anybody who works at the site, don't cha know - but I brought my youngest sister along two (along with my Mum and oldest sister, who sorted themselves out!). We had a blast watching Meryl Streep, et al singing along to those admitedly cheesy ABBA tunes. A guilty pleasure, sure - but it's summer, and I wanna have a laugh and a few good times, and figure that whenever a guilty pleasure comes along, I should just grab it.

Anyhoo...

Clare's back in less than two weeks now. Can't wait. Missing her so badly now!!

Not long to go!!

*Well, maybe Chandler Bing - but he's a) fictional, and b) not the writer of "Dr. Horrible". Clearly. Geez, folks...

Holy Blog Post Batman!

2008-07-14T13:59:00.000+01:00

They say you don't escape childhood - those things that shaped and moulded you in those vital first few infant years. Guess when I think about my own childhood, it was influenced by a very small number of things - family, school, television/film, and Batman.

Oh yeah, Batman baby!

Looking back on that first 'era' of my life, I remember feeling so lonely; even though I was rarely on my own, or indeed, alone. I just liked to shy away from people - and sat in my bedroom at the weekends, and whenever I got home from school (out of choice) because I'd feel comfortable there, playing with my toys.

Dunno if you ever watched it when it was first on, but a large part of my infancy was spent watching Batman: The Animated Series. I loved hat show - Mum and Dad used to buy all of the merchandise for me! I had the lunch box, the bubble bath, you name it, I had it! Oh, and the full collection of toy action figures they released, too.

I'd sit up there in my room every day, playing with those toys - creating stories for the first time; using characters I knew and understood to create dramatic situations.

I'm telling you this because to understand me then is to understand me now. I'm still that young boy, playing with his toys to create stories that excite him, and make him want to wake up everyday. It's what motivates me - Batman kickstarted that fascination; a journey that won't ever end until I die.

This morning, my Blu-Ray copy of Batman Begins arrived on my doormat, along with another DVD - a cartoon Batman story, much like the one I used to watch as a child. I spent the evening watching the two films, and they reminded me why I got into the storytelling game in the first place.

Because I'm the kid with the toys.

And I doubt I'll ever stop playing.

Highs and Lows

2008-07-10T23:35:00.000+01:00

It's funny isn't it how the cycle of every day emotions (happiness and sadness, in their most simple forms) keep on turning? The happiest guy on the planet could be on Cloud 9 one minute, with everything he ever did want, and the next... VOOSH! It's gone; everything he faught for - everything that he thought would last forever. The happy, turned to sad.

Recent years, my life has pretty much maintained that rollercoaster of emotion - as I go from one extreme to the other. I remember way back in 2005, during the summer months having just left school for the final time, feeling so alone and a little scared of the world. Mum had fallen out with me because I had no job, or any intentions of getting one, and for a time my only friend in the whole world was a television programme; "Doctor Who".

Literally, I remember very vividly sat in my room, on my bed, in tears - looking at an issue of Doctor Who Magazine, which had a photo of then new Doctor David Tennant on the cover, and thinking that this one show, rather pathetically, summed me up. I was a boy, wanting to get out there, explore the world and do some good - but was trapped in a small room, with no means of escape.

I spent all summer long during 2005 in that room. I only left it again when college started - a time which kick started the next period of my life so far, what I referred to for so long as my 'golden era'. It was the time I met the ex-girlfriend Katie, and made a few new friends. I was finally studying the subjects I wanted to be learning and everything seemed to be going right for me.

Summer 2006 was great - a real 'summer of love', with the girl of my dreams - doing things I'd never done before - connecting with another human being, and falling madly, head over heels in love. I'd never felt that way before. It felt so special and unique, and as if it'd never come to an end.

Nothing could go wrong could it?

When you're at the top, there's only one place to go...

Down, and then down some more.

I was falling; college ended, and I lost all those friends. Then Katie left me, and cut me out of her life forever. I started working at the cinema, which ate up most of my time. That summer, of 2007, I had little free time; and even when I did, I spent it moping around the place, thinking of what I'd lost, and lamenting what could have been.

Then, as things do, the pain started to heal itself. I started enjoying life again. Sure, I was still upset about the break-up and the pain it reminded me of, but I got over it. I met a girl, Clare, who I fell in love with instantly because, well, she's Clare - and she challenges me in ways that other people wouldn't dare to. Honestly, she's the bravest person I've ever met; just don't go telling her I said that!!

So the wheel turns again - Clare's back from a three month adventure in New Zealand at the end of the month; who's betting that 2008's summer months are going to be an absolute blast? :)

Because there's one thing I've learnt - every high is followed by a low, at which point we must pick ourselves back up again and continue living our lives, by moving on and embracing the new challenges that await us. It's the only way pain heals, and the only chance we'll ever have to realise how much we truly love the things we have around us today.

Blowin' in the Wind

2008-07-05T19:27:00.000+01:00

Here’s how it is: I’m me, Anthony, a 21st century sort of guy. I’m a student at university who spends any of his available free time either at work, or asleep, or both. The guy who I aspire to be is hidden underneath layers and layers of... nothing.

Here’s how it was: I’m me, Anthony, a 20th century sort of kid. I’m a pupil at school who spends all of his time doing what he wants, when he wants – so full of ambition and never ending dreaming.

I don’t know when it changed from what was to what is, but I have a fair idea. It’s around the same time that I opened my eyes and realised that, rather surprisingly, the world was full of people – other people! People that weren’t me, or my family! Actual people! When my awareness awoke, then so did I.

Because that was the same time I realised just how small I was in comparison to the world. Tiny when compared to people who’ve been already – like William Shakespeare (I’ll never write verse as perfect as him, apparently) or Winston Churchill (I’ll never lead a war torn nation as perfect as him, apparently) or a thousand other names that I’ll never do “xxxx as perfect as xxx, apparently”.

When you’re aware of people, your eyes suddenly open to the lives they’ve lead, and the legacies they created, and naturally – being the eyes-open sort of guy that you are, you compare yourself to them – and realise just how far you’ve got to go!

If I was a lesser man, I’d let the weight of all that legacy and the need for past preservation defeat me; but I won’t. No sirree. Never defeat; always appreciation.

They were all artists, who offered the world so much.

I, too, am an artist. Give me half a chance, and I’ll show you what I can do.

The July Challenge

2008-07-01T00:28:00.000+01:00

Okay, it goes like this. I'm setting myself a little challenge. Yes, that's right, challenge, me, one month. July. 31 days. By the end of this month, I'm detirmined, I'm going to have done the following things - just because; they've waited enough. It's time I get off my lazy ass and finally get something done!!

Here goes the wish list...

1: "Angel" on DVD
I started re-watching the series last October - all five series, from beginning to end. It's dragged out long enough, one thinks! I'm currently on episode nine of series five (the final season). By the end of this month I expect to have completed the series' run - at long, long last! Feels like I've spent an eternity watching this show!

2: "Shitwank & Dualiet"
A tragic-comedy script that I'm writing, based on and around Shakespeare's "Romeo & Juliet". It's in verse, and everything! The surprising thing about this isn't that it's the first comedy script I've *ever* written (oh no, that comes but mere second to an even more shocking secret) - it's that I'm already almost all the way through the film's first act! Kept that one a secret, didn't I?

Here's a quick quote:

"...And doth, the evening news should say; two robots marrying, but they're gay."

Yep; tis true - the script dumps old Romeo and his boring human Juliet - in favour of two gay robots, called "Shitwank" and "Dualiet"! It's quite a nice, poetic anti-homophobia morality piece, actually - and fun too, which is often missing from my work!

3: "Coliseum"
A script that me and my friend Phil Verstappen are developing together - and there's no gay robots, or Shakespeare verse in sight, sorry!! Doubt I'll have this, the story of one man's battle against his reoccuring childhood nightmare, completed by the end of the month - but maybe I can have the first draft done and dusted by then? If I type fast? Who knows.

4: "Frank's Apocalypse"
Yeah; that old conundrum. A script I've been writing for nigh on a year now, and at last - I've almost cracked it! Listening to a mixture of Bob Dylan and hi-tempo 1980's mega hits (not the most obvious musical pairing, I agree...) seem to have gotten me there. I *think* I know what the script needs now; just the right amount of laughter and tears. Beforehand, it was either too funny - or too damn sad!

Gonna complete episode one, draft one by the end of the month. The first episode now has the working title (that'll probably remain, hoorah!) of "Blowin' in the Wind".

I love it!

5: "House of Garnon" blog
This place has been a little neglected of late, hasn't it? Well, it's my aim that by the end of the month I'll have posted once a day - at least - meaning that we'll have 31 July 2008 entries; taking us way past the 200th blog post mark, and into the future! Might give it a quick once over, whilst I'm at it, too!

6: "Timespotters" overhaul
I'm gonna revisit those "Timespotters" scripts that I wrote years back; the ones that I created this very site to act as a commentary of. I'll read over them all, pick out any highlights, and add them to my Facebook page for anybody and everybody to read. Sure, they're not my greatest accomplishments, but they're a nice neat side step in my script writing development; the first time I ever attempted to write a drama pilot script!

For anybody interested, you can read a prose story - "Foreign Devils" - that I wrote way back in 2003 (and re-mastered last month) by clicking here.

Also, here's the Professor Boone scene I did for the "Skeletons" play of 2007.

7: Stream of Consciousness
It's about time I did another one of these things; just to get a number of thoughts and opinions off of my chest. Remind me, I must commit a good two hours sometime to writing it!

And that's about it, methinks - for now at least! I'm gonna try and maintain this whole 'update every day' thing, and see how it works out. It'll probably end with me just waffling on... as per usual. Still, should be fun catching up.

Welcome back Mr. Howard; July awaits you.